Boyfriend isn’t ready yet

[Blak]

Hey, I’m 22 years old and my partner is 29 we have been together just under a year and have had an amazing time together so far, we now live together in a 2 bedroom house. I have been on the pill throughout the relationship but I have recently fallen pregnant (9 weeks now) it was a massive shock to both of us. I have had an abortion before due to circumstances being different and unfortunately miscarried a couple years back so I do not want to go through that heart ache again and I really would like this baby this time, my partner on the other hand is so against the idea, he isn’t ready and claims it is not the right time, is there ever a right time to have a baby? We’ve had the worst couple of weeks because we cannot come to some sort of agreement, he wants me to have an abortion and that’s that. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces for different reasons at the minute, I don’t want to lose the person I saw the rest of my life with but I don’t want to go through the pain of losing this baby either.
Please help

You don't want an abortion, you don't have to have one.

That's all there is to it. He can choose to walk away....or stay and try to come to terms with being a parent.

HE has the right to choose his path and you have the right to choose yours.

If you abort, you will likely lose the relationship anyway because you'll never forget.

If you have the baby, it MAY work....though he sounds very unreasonable and cruel.

If he was THAT against babies, he could have used a condom as back up to your pill.

Tell him you've made your choice....see the doctor and get some supplements if you haven't already.

Maybe ask for counselling.

It's your life....your body and your choice. You're only young...

It doesn't necessarily sound like hes been horrible from what you say but that's how he feels right now. However the decision is entirely yours.
If you want this baby that's totally up to you.
You need to make it clear that's what you've decided to do. Let him know about the pain of losing the prior pregnancies if you think that might help. And you could point out that abortion risks future fertility.

He will either come round to the idea once he knows the baby is definitly going to be here. Some men do, after they've seen the scan and felt the kicks etc. Although he also may not be willing to be an active parent.

What sort of person is he? Do you think he will step up?

I don’t want to lose the person I saw the rest of my life

You are 22!!

Please! get the next 20 years organised to take care of your child cos that's what HE/SHE needs.

How would things work out from a practical point of view if you went ahead with the pregnancy? Work, housing, education etc? It's very early in your relationship to have a child even if your boyfriend was onboard.

I don't know. It's a very difficult situation. I guess if you were my daughter I would think the best thing for you to do for you and for any future child is to wait until you are older and in a settled relationship until you have a child. I'd worry that you would end up a single
Mum. It's not that I think you need a partner to raise a kid but it's a lot easier if there is two of you both emotionally and financially. You might also have to deal with an ex-partner fighting for part custody of the child.

I'm sorry about your previous miscarriages and that you had to have an abortion previously. That's a lot to go through.

he wants me to have an abortion and that’s that.

Tells you all you need to know. Either he's not ready to be a father, nothing wrong with that, or he will not support you and your child.

Just ask yourself if you are ready to do the single mum bit for 18 - 25 years. Working non-stop, no-one to help out, having to put up the shelves etc, work, cook, clean. sort out the life admin. It's reality...

my partner on the other hand is so against the idea, he isn’t ready and claims it is not the right time, is there ever a right time to have a baby?
I think the right time to have a baby is when you are both on the same page about it. I know that is not what you want to hear. Good luck whatever you decide.