Visitors after birth

[SparkleUK]

Hi! I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts yet (or experiences with previous lovely babies) about what their plans are for visitors after birth?
It's lovely people care, but the thought of being a little overwhelmed with lots of people all piling in so soon after such an exhausting time is worrying me 🙈.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I really want to focus on our special time as a little family and bonding.

The word 'smothered' in relation to how my baby will be treated by one side of the family has been used by them which is giving me horrifying thoughts of people wanting to cuddle him as soon as and for as long as. I'm not going to be anti bac central mum 😂 but I do want to set boundaries and have people respect that rather than just a free for all e.g no one but us being involved in feeding early on and no one disturbing him whilst he's asleep.

Just a rant and wanting to hear your thoughts too 😊

I'm in the midst of my first pregnancy and totally hear you @SparkleUK. I keep worrying how I will manage my step-MIL, who means well but has always been a bit overbearing at the best of times... full of unsolicited advice and will usually stay for many, many hours whenever she comes over. I am very introverted so it can be a bit draining. I plan to use my mum and husband to put some gentle boundaries in place, like suggesting that visits are limited to an hour or so, things like that. I'm way too much of a shrinking violet to say anything myself, and I do feel really bad for having these thoughts as I know people mean well. I just so so need my quiet/private time. It's tricky isn't it!

Omg - the one piece of advice I give me friends is limit the number of visitors!! They all mean well, but for us it was non stop and it’s exhausting when you are already exhausted.

If they come make sure they know they will be making their own coffees etc and will just have to take you as they find you.

If I had my time again I’d say non visitors for 48 hours.

Good luck x

Congratulations on your pending arrival. It truly is the most amazing thing ❤️

I set boundaries from the word go, and I'm so glad I did as I was quite unwell after labour, and visitors would've finished me off!

I from the word go said no visitors allowed at the hospital at all as me and my husband wanted some alone time to bond with our baby, and I needed time to recover.

The first week we were home we only allowed our parents and siblings, and then slowly friends come around.
In one way it dragged it out over 6 weeks nearly before everyone met him (one week I was in hospital when baby was 2 weeks old with sepsis, so delayed visits)
Some people like to get it all over with in one go so they can then get into things.

What do you feel atm will be right for you?
Our parents were a little miffed I wanted no visitors in the hospital, but I was adamant as tbh I hate being fussed over, so wanted a chance to catch my breath again...enjoy the moment when you have baby and take it all in and lap it up. Don't be pressured to do anything you aren't comfortable with and don't do anything that is to make someone else happy. This is yours and the babies fathers time ❤️

My plan is just to limit the inconsiderate / lazy / visitors who need hosting. The ones who I can ask for help / watch baby while I sleep cook / leave to their own devices will be welcomed.

Thank you all for your replies, much appreciated and good to hear your thoughts, plus that I'm not as ragingly hormonal as I think I'm being 😂

@notaclue101 I'm thinking perhaps close family only at the hospital to maybe 'get it over with' (that sounds horrible!) as then they're time limited and means once we get home we can have more time for just us

@queenofthepumpkins

Totally hear you too!
I'm really introverted in terms of not liking lots of fuss or attention, I even struggle with other people wanting to take photos of me in 'posed' settings or singing happy birthday 😂. I like your idea!
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but at the same time I do want some time to learn things myself. Babies are amazing and most people love them but I also don't want him just to be constantly picked up and cuddled

We said no visitors at the hospital but DD and I were there for nearly a week after she was born so that ended up unrealistic. Both sets of grandparents ended up visiting the day after she was born and I was grateful to have that 'out the way'. My mum ended up coming back to help.

We had feeding problems that I didn't anticipate at all so it was at least 3 weeks before we had any friends visit and even then it was only the ones who had a 9 month old themselves so really understood. It was more like 2-3 months before most of our friends saw her, but I was in contact with them via text and sent photos - they were very understanding ❤️

With my first I had all immediate family in the hospital. At once so was busy and full on but like you said I felt this ‘got it over with’. However in-laws all arrived the evening we got home. Uninvited with food (for themselves, drink etc and thought it was a party. Outstayed their welcome. Told me how tired I looked but still didn’t leave. Will not be happening with this one!

Don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel, most people will get it and you’re fully entitled to spend some time bonding as a new family. When people offer to visit, tell them it would be lovely and suggest something along the lines of “in a couple of weeks when things are settled” to meet up. On the flip side, you’re closest will be a Godsend. I had a friend who would come round when I was really exhausted so I could sleep a bit. I usually stayed in the same room but would doze off for an hour while she fussed over my baby. Good luck op, however you do it it’ll be special.

We had my mum come for a week ( we have a great relationship and are best friends). She came to be the buffet between visitors. We said family only and gave them a choice of days once I had come home from hospital. My mum then did all the waiting on making teas and food etc so we didn't have to worry about it. It was amazingly helpful to us. It meant we could enjoy time with visitors. Also as baby is so small basically slept alot and fed alot. So as I am breastfeeding it was easy just to say oh that's babies feeding cue and they passed the baby back. All depends on your family though

We had both sets of parents and siblings come to the hospital (I was in for a couple of days) which was perfect. When we were home people rang to check whether it was convenient (also perfect). To be honest though we were quite chilled about it and happy to have anyone any time pretty much. It didn't feel a big stress.
Second time around it was even more the case as they could help out more.

My advice is not to overthink the scenario about visitors. So much depends on how the birth is and how you feel afterwards.

Just wait and see how you feel at the time.
If people try to get you to commit before the birth say, we would like to see you but will have to let you know after the birth as it depends how baby and I are feeling.

We had grandparents visiting in hospital about 4 hours after birth. Other relatives visiting at home over the next week or so, but only a few at a time and given clear instructions that it would only be for a short time.

I think it's sort of sad that you want to get the visitors "over with". I would want to show off thr new baby and share love with your family.

Have the first week to yourselves. To rest, to bond, to get into routine. Then gradually allow visitors day by day. If people complain you simply ignore them and continue to divulge into the love bubble tome with your newborn.

Im currently 16 weeks and have already decided thats what we’ll be doing. Whether the in laws like it or not. Its not everyone elses baby, its yours. Friends and family will get their time, but on your terms. I personally dont think theres anything unreasonable about that in my opinion. Others may call me harsh/ruthless/selfish. But, you matter more, so always do whats right for you.

This worries me as well, though thankfully we live quite far from our families which works in our favour. Does it matter/is it rude if you don't announce the birth until a few weeks after the event...?