Struggling with what to do and hoping this is a good place for advice....

[Tremmy44]

So about a week and a half a go I found out I was pregnant. It was a bit of a shock but for me I felt excited. (I'm not on any contraception but he did use condoms)
I'll give you a bit of background, I have been with my partner for 8 years and we had spoke about marriage and kids and he said he felt we were moving too fast. But wanted to think about it next year.
Fast forward to now when I've found out I'm pregnant.
When I told my partner he was shocked and didn't 100% believe me.
When it had sunk in the first thing he says to me is would I get an abortion.

We are now a week and a half later and I have told him that I don't think I can get an abortion as I feel I would regret it and then grow to resent him for making me make that decision.
He keeps saying he doesn't want to leave me he will stay but he doesn't want a baby and he can't think of any positives and only brings up negatives. He said he is trying hard to change and I know it has only been a week but I don't feel like he will change his mind. He feels like we are losing what we have and that we haven't lived properly yet. But I feel like it was meant to happen as the beginning of the year has been very tough with different matters and this is a rainbow after that storm.
I think I've spent the majority of the week upset and feeling completely alone.
I'm really at a loss and don't know what to do.
Has anyone else gone through this?
Any advice on what me or him should do?

Thank you

Hi OP. You maybe able to get some advice from the relationship board on this one as that to me seems like the main issue.

I think you really need to take a bit of time out to figure out yourself where this relationship is heading and what you want for you and your baby. Is there anyone you can talk to in RL? Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Are you after the marriage, kids, house the hole hog? Are you happy in your current relationship setup? You then need to sit down and be honest with him and he needs to be honest with you where this relationship is going.

I have been with my partner for 8 years and we had spoke about marriage and kids and he said he felt we were moving too fast

Eight years, and he thinks you're moving too fast?

Is he taking the proverbial?! Eight years and you are moving too fast? What ages are you both?

If the guy isn’t willing to make a commitment to you after eight years then you really need to take a closer look at things. I’d be offering him an ultimatum if it were me.

No one should force you to have an abortion. If you did it for him it would destroy your relationship anyway. If you want this baby the ball is in his court, either he parents with you or by himself, or he abandons both of you.

I do find it strange that after 8 years hes still not ready for commitment so to speak... this makes me wonder if hes just said those things to you so you think eventually it will happen..but in his mind never will.
Its a bit different as i was alot younger but i was with my ex for 7 years and he always said yeah we will have a baby yeah we will get engaged etc etc... we did have a baby but when i got pregnant i literally said im having this baby its your choice to either stay or leave. He stayed and ended up cheating on me whilst pregnant and literally has been the worst dad ever he clearly didnt want the baby/commitment but played along anyway and i woulf of prefered him to of left.

I tell you this as you need to take him out of the equation.. you need to think what you want and not what it means for your relationship. X

This is about how you feel and what's right for you. If he doesn't want children and you do he needs to stop wasting your time and be honest with you. I've seen friends go through this and it is horrible.

You can get pregnancy/abortion counselling through BPAS to help you come to the right choice for you. It's your body and your choice, never forget that.

Best of luck whatever path you choose.

The link: www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

He thinks you're moving too fast after 8 years? And that you haven't got to live properly? What has he been doing all that time. It sounds like if you wanted kids, he might never have actually been ready to start 'trying', so you might never have got the chance. The question is, do you want to keep the baby? He may or may not come around... thing is babies are really tough at the start and he might struggle to see the positives. But I think you will always resent him if you have an abortion against your will

I'm surprised that he considers you to be moving to fast when you've been together 8 years.

I don't think I could stay in a relationship with someone who tried to force me to terminate a wanted baby. The choice is yours completely. His choice is whether to parent with you, co-parent or fuck off.