Pregnant and unsure

[newbie97]

I found out I was pregnant a few days ago and it came as a shock. I’m very early, almost 5 weeks. My partner and I were not actively trying and I even took an emergency contraceptive but it failed. I’ve been so back in forth with wanting to keep it and wanting to terminate.

Before I got pregnant, I had always said I wanted to have a baby and a couple months ago, I had a pregnancy scare. When I found out I wasn’t pregnant I was devastated. 2 of my coworkers had gotten pregnant around the same time I found out I wasn’t pregnant. What I don’t understand is, why am I not happy? Why can’t I make a decision? The day after I found out, I woke up so unsure and I had initially decided to keep it but l wasn’t happy or as excited like I thought I’d be.

My partner was supportive of keeping it but now he’s leaning towards wanting to terminate because of me being so unsure and he doesn’t want me to go through something I don’t want to. I have such bad anxiety as it is. I keep crying because I think about holding our little one and I’ve heard it’s all worth it once you finally get to hold your bundle of joy but I just don’t know and I hate feeling this way. I worry that I won’t be able to handle the pregnancy as my anxiety is health based. We’re both so young too, he’s 20 and I’m 22.

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a goal to be married by 21 and have kids by 22 so I don’t understand why I feel so in the middle. Before I got pregnant, I never would’ve considered terminating my own pregnancy and yet here I am and I’m so shocked and confused by it. I feel so utterly lost and I’m not sure if this is a normal feeling new mums get when they find out they’re pregnant.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you get through it? Is it normal to have these back and forth feelings?

I'm sorry you are going through this.
I was pregnant at 22 also. And went through exactly the same feelings. I even had an abortion booked, which I didn't go through with in the end.

It is normal, but it is also normal to have jitters and then to decide actually now is not the right time.
I could've written your post.

Based on your feelings of sadness when you found out you weren't pregnant before I would say that the chances are these jitters are just that, jitters. You can ride them and overcome them.

On the other side of the coin, when I look back to my first pregnancy, I was too damn young. I was too immature and there is no way I should've continued on. Don't get me wrong, everything is good now, he's a healthy young man, I've got a very successful career, but the hardship and the utter exhaustion of being such a young parent and missing out on much of my youth when I was at university etc because I had a young child, won't ever leave me.

I would if I were you, set yourself a deadline for decision. Don't become a mum by default. Become a mum because you've actively decided it and this problem doesn't get smaller.

If you were my daughter I wouldn't recommend having a baby at 22, but I would also say from your post that you obviously are on some level wanting to have a child and this makes abortion a difficult call. Be kind to yourself and know that whatever decision you take will be the right one.

Exactly what @AloneLonelyLoner has said . Definitely set yourself a deadline and think rationally . Sit down with your partner and talk it through . I can’t imagine how you’re feeling , but I do understand anxiety. Thinking of you x

I had my 1st at 19, 2nd at 24 and now 28 pregnant with my 3rd dont let your age determin anything... I dont have advice re abortion as its never something thats crossed my mind (although im not one of these who bash anyone who does have one its personal choice) but i just wanted to say...its normal not to be jumping up and down with excitement.
Me and my DH was trying for our 2nd when i had a mmc these things happen so tbh i just got over it but i then put it to the back of my mind having another baby... few months later i got caught pregnant and even though i wanted the baby i was so miserable i think when its totally unexpected or when your at a time where you plan things for your life etc a baby throws a spanner in the works so to speak. It was probally only around 3/4 months that i got more excited about the baby. It was also the same with this one we wasnt ttc but wasnt stopping it either and when i found out i was pregnant again i wasnt jumping for joy although we had spoke about having another baby. Im now 30 weeks tomorrow and super excited about having this new little baby in our life :)

So what im trying to say is your hormones will be everywhere, its not all Happy Happy during pregnancy i wont sugar coat it and it can be hard, some people sail through pregnancies and some have a rough time but as others have said you and your partner need to sit down and have a propper conversation with your oh. Xx

I had my DD at 19, DS at 25 and now pregnant with DC3.

Although I never considered an abortion with her, having DD so young really impacted on my youth as others have mentioned. I was far too immature (although at the time I would have raised a very sharp eyebrow at the idea of being called immature). I didn’t have my life together yet, and in all honesty if I could go back in time and have the same DD when older instead of at 19 I definitely would. As alonelonelyloner stated, I missed out on all traditional university life etc because I had a little baby at home, and whilst it was definitely worth it, that’s not something I’ll ever get back. We struggled for many years before we hit an even keel so to speak.

However, with your feelings of jitters I think every woman who has found themselves pregnant experiences this as it’s such a life changing decision to make. You do need to do what’s best for you, and only you can make that decision.

I second giving yourself a deadline to make a choice, but please don’t be too hard on yourself either way.

How about tomorrow you spend the day with the consistent thought that you’re going to keep it. Then the next day, with the consistent thought that you’re going to terminate. Day 3 clear your mind and consistently distract yourself from thinking about it at all. Day 4 reassess with hindsight - which day (1 or 2) felt better? Which one fitted? Which day felt most positive with the most pro’s? Maybe that will help you make this tricky decision x

It's your body and your decision. You can get pregnancy and termination counselling via BPAS here: www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

Take some time to reflect, get help and think about what's right for you. Only you can know which path feels right to you. Good luck.

Update: I ended up having an unfortunate M/C a couple of days ago. My partner and I had just decided on going through with the journey and starting our family. I’ve been such an emotional mess but I know now that my initial feelings about getting pregnant were just fear. Thank you all so much for your kind advice.

So sorry for your loss 💐💕

I am so saddened to hear of your loss ❤