Friends

[SnappySuze]

Hi there,
Firstly can I just say a deep sorry on behalf of all your friends without kids. I know we don't always measure up. My best friend recently became pregnant and I am aware that kid-less friends can be unsufferable. I love her, and I want to support her and be there for her but I feel like everything I do just makes it worse.

This can just be a rant space, but I would really like to know if there are particular things I could do- or not do.

Do you have any comments on this?

I don't understand what you're saying. You are apologising to me about my childless friends and asking what you can do to support your friends with kids?

Echo previous poster....this is a strange post - I am 33 weeks and most of my friends are childless. They've been nothing but happy for me and excited to meet the baby.

What makes you think people without children are insufferable when you're pregnant and what is worrying you about the way you've interacted so far with your pregnant friend?

Has your friend said something to upset you?

• be happy for them
• be enthusiastic about baby stuff
• make sure you keep offering to socialise with them, even if the activities change
• talk about your life too, but leave out the bits about getting drunk & hungover
• pay compliments

Good friends are good friends regardless, but being the first pregnant one helps you separate out the good friends from those who are just acquaintances.

I learned that good friends are good friends. Kids or otherwise and that crappy friends are crappy friends.

You can’t apologise on behalf of other people.

I'm confused by your post

Thanks for the replies, yes you got the gist of it. And looking back, I agree it was confusing.

My friend has been all 'you can never understand' (which is true), but I probably interpreted that to mean thatI have no relevance here. She's not telling her other friends without children for ages yet because they'll just be awkward- maybe. I irritate her all the time and I feel like she doesn't want to talk anymore.

I was afraid to talk to her about it because compared to what she's going through it's just not even a thing. I think I may have misinformation in my head, it was a relief to hear that you guys have been able to keep your good friends.

I feel like this is the kind of thing that's irritating to bring up because she just needs to think about the baby now and not angsty friend waffle.

But your comments give me confidence to deal with my own sh*t, then try again. We have been best friends for three years, I think I just thought she would stop liking me because I wouldn't understand anymore. I'm really happy to hear that it still works out just fine (if you just relax about it). Thanks mums.

I can’t figure how “you can never understand” came up? What were you talking about?

She's not telling her other friends without children for ages yet because they'll just be awkward- maybe

So she’s told her friends with children by not those without? That’s very odd.

OP there’s obv something going on. Poor you. I hope your friend isn’t pushing you out because she is having a baby and thinks you have nothing in common anymore.

Be patient with her. Some of us go temporarily loopy.

I found people WITH kids annoying when I didn’t have them much more than I find people WITHOUT kids annoying now.

All the “you can’t possibly know what it’s like as you don’t have kids” - yes, thank you, I know I don’t know what it’s like but thanks for your patronising comments. And I would love to know what it’s like but so far all my attempts to get pregnant have failed. Cheers for rubbing it in.

Anyway, now I am a mum I wouldn’t expect anything special from my childfree friends. Yes, it was lovely when they took an interest in my pregnancy and asked questions but I know it’s really not that interesting to anyone else. The best thing was after he was born when I was struggling with loneliness and PND and they would meet me for coffee or walks and chat about non-baby things so that I felt human again.

If your friend is getting irritated with you she’s probably just not a very good friend.

Im totally confused by this post been trying to understand it but still dont so sorry if i get the wrong idea here....

Are you the one who is thinking their is an issue due to her being pregnant and you not having kids?
Has this effected you by her getting pregnant and what i mean by that is do you feel pushed out/forgotten about.... do you feel like shes spending more time thinking about herself/her unborn baby than thinking about you? If this is the case then please understand being pregnant takes a massive toll on a women physically and mentally and sometimes we just got no time for other people and want to be in our own bubbles.. but that's not to say we dont need our friends/family around us still.

Thats what i kind of get from your post like i say i could of totally read it wrong but its kind of like there is an issue forming that probally doesnt need to be and its possibly coming from you and not your pregnant friend x

Lots of very helpful comments, thanks everyone.

It gave me the courage to mention to her I had been feeling worried and we're ok now.

I had children late in life. I’d heard so many times that non-parents can never understand the love/tiredness/pressure/expense etc.

They were wrong. Now I’m a parent, it’s basically how I imagined it would be.

Turns out empathy is a thing If your friend thinks she belongs to a club that precludes your friendship, she’s an idiot.