4 and a half weeks pregnant, can't stop crying :(

[quietlypink]

I'm almost 39 and pregnant with my first child. I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. This should be a dream come true. I should be elated, but all I feel is absolute terror and despair.

I already suffer from depression, and I keep trying to tell myself that the pregnancy hormones must be making it worse. I've barely eaten since I found out and I'm shaking and crying most of the time. Ever morning I wake up with a racing heart. I honestly feel like I'm going to go insane : (

I had an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist, but he was pretty unhelpful apart from assuring me that I can safely stay on my medication.

I suffer from chronic back pain too, and am really scared about how having a big baby bump is going to affect that. I live by myself and wonder how I'm going to cope when I'm heavily pregnant. My family live quite a distance away unfortunately and my relationship with the baby's father is quite rocky. I'm worried about money and child care too.

I really hope somebody can give me some reassurance they've had similar feelings : (

Hiya, I don't want to pretend I've gone through the same thing as I haven't. I don't suffer from depression and don't have chronic pain. When I got pregnant (and it's my first), the hormones hit me like a tonne of bricks. I hardly every cry and was sobbing at adverts on the TV. I don't worry much normally and was panicking at small things. I ended up ringing 111 one night because of some general aches and pains (quite normal) and "feeling weird". I convinced myself it was ectopic and I was about to die. I would never normally do that and probably felt a bit weird because I hadn't eaten all day. I'd been prepared for morning sickness but I would say it affected me "mind, body and spirit", I felt like a different person and would say to my OH that I just wanted my own head back.

It got a lot better from about 10 or 11 weeks as the sickness also wore off.

You've got a lot on your plate by the sounds of it, but hopefully some of it is hormone related. Please keep talking to GP/midwife/psychiatrist and anyone else and try and do the basics like eat what you can and rest if you can. I think you can get specialist support from midwives around MH so might be worth speaking to GP/midwife sooner rather than later even though you won't have a booking appointment just yet.

I understand you @quietlypink. Do you want this baby? If the answer is yes, you need to dig deep emotionally and physically to get yourself through the pregnanacy and early years. You don't need to worry about that right now though.

I'm 37 and pregnant with twins and also suffer from depression and PTSD.

Most of what you're feeling is hormones playing tricks on you - you are doubting your abiity as a mother which is something all pregnant women experience at some point, I don't doubt it and I think all women who find out they're pregnant - even if it was planned and/or longed for - have on 'oh my god what the fuck have I done?' moment. I know I did!

Give yourself a couple of weeks to get your head together and get over the shock and go from there. Try and see your psychiatrist or other mental health support worker if you can as they may help you put some of your thoughts in order.

Take care of yourself.

Well I was lucky enough not to suffer from the emotional or physical pain that you have, but I still cried for the first few weeks of pregnancy. I felt Premenstrual for weeks. Everything and anything set me off.
It will pass op, it did with me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and best of luck with everything.

Hey OP.

I don't suffer with depression but I will tell you that in the early days of pregnancy, I was extremely weepy and very down. There was no reason for me to feel like that.

I don't know why you might be feeling this way, I just wanted to reassure you that pregnancy hormones for me (as well as life changing) absolutely fucked with my happiness.

Good luck and well done for reaching out.

Sorry I meant to say that although the pregnancy was longed for, and I was 38 and feeling very blessed, along with the tears I was terrified, very pessimistic, overwhelmed, and felt like I couldn’t keep my head above water.

Please talk to your midwife or GP, they should refer you to the perinatal mental health team. If you're already under the care of a psychiatrist and taking medication, they probably won't refer you for that, but you might be able to see a midwife specialising in MH for some extra support.