Dad's new job - just after due date!

[SparkleUK]

Hi,
Just needed a preggo OTT emotion release really but any opinions or thoughts if you've been through similar helpful please! I know babies very rarely come on their due date, especially first!

My OH and I are in the same job but he's starting a new job, 5 days after the due date. The application process was a long drawn out one with no definite start date for a long time as they needed to compile a cohort of applicants to go into a training group for a few months before the job 'actually' starts. He suddenly got an email with the start date when I was already established into the pregnancy. I think this is similar to 9-5 hours whilst in training.
He's going to tell our current employer about his plan to take paternity in case of an early arrival but he's too worried to tell the new employer in case they defer his course as they're changing the whole format after this course and again, no definite date.

Basically this has turned me into the biggest worrier 🙈! From what I understand, he won't get any form of leave as it's a new job and then I'm scared of him not being around to help with baby during the day or the night as he'll have to be up for work and then not bonding with him too.
Do you think he should tell them and try and work something out? I've told him he needs to tell them as if I go into labour he's going to have to be there and can't just spring it on them as a surprise 🙈

He needs to tell them to prepare them, they might jiggle his start date around. He won't get paid paternity either

He should tell them, in my experience if you are honest with work they will try to assist you if possible. Even though they wont pay paternity leave, they might let him take annual leave around the time of the birth. It would look bad if he just turned up and then told them!

They cannot defer his start date on the basis of you being pregnant, this would be what's called indirect discrimination.

Thank you both for your replies, glad it's not just me!

Hopefully something can get sorted out!

This happened to us, although my DHs new job started 8 days after my due date. Our DS came two days after my due date but I was in hospital for 4 days so my husband pretty much had 1 day with us and then was straight into it. He let the employer know that he didn’t expect time off but wanted them to be aware as he would be up with nighttime nappy changes etc, they were really understanding. Speak to your midwife as well and tell them you’re worried about going overdue - mine was great at helping me be less anxious about it and giving tips on how to bring on labour!

He could ask them about the feasibility of changing his start date, if it's a course that only runs x times a year though it might not be possible. It sucks, if you think his new job would be better overall such as more pay, better work life balance etc which would benefit all of you, then is there maybe someone else who could come and stay with you to help out? Not ideal I know, but just putting it out there.

@afternoontwee Aah, thank you, I didn't even think of speaking to my midwife in the midst of my panic so thanks for that idea. I'll suggest that too him as well, I think he's just worried that he can't miss anything and being too hard on himself!

@curtainly Thank you, they're changing the course to a degree led programme from the next cohort. He already has a degree and I don't think is keen to be under extra pressure of a degree whilst having a new baby. New job will be better pay, can't say we'll notice much difference in the shifts as they're about as good as ours which isn't the best 🙈. Could definitely see if my mum would be willing to come and help during the day sometimes, thank you for your suggestion

My DH had to be a witness in a court case when our baby was due. I had to be induced the week before so that I could be sure he could be with me for the birth. Then he was out all day every day the following week.

Is there no family that you could have stay with you during the day times if he has to start the new job?

My husband is self employed so didn’t have paternity leave. He was back to work 2 days after the birth. Tbh I didn’t mind it. The baby slept so much in the first weeks that I found I had enough time to keep on top of housework etc without missing him. And of course family visited more often in the beginning so were able to help if need be. Sounds like you have other support available so you should be ok. Try not to worry as it won’t change anything anyway. Hope all works out for you