I feel like a failure and I'm terrified of losing my baby

[ALittleBitWorried1983]

I am so scared of losing my baby and just feel like a failure of a mum already. I've never had good luck with my health, I'm 24 and have already had severe health problems including the removal of my large intestine due to having a stoma bag.

And so I have bad anxiety that something is going to happen. I'm 16 weeks along but I wish I could start the pregnancy over and do things right.

I've only just completely stopped smoking (had cut down to about 6 a week) as have bipolar disorder and I don't deal with stress and anxiety very well. And so I feel guilty about that and I'm worried about the baby. I was so bloody stupid and selfish and any good mum would have stopped.

And in the early weeks I wasn't eating right. I had bad nausea and all I could eat was sugary things, savoury things just made me feel ill. I'm eating better now but again that's not good.

And last night I did something bloody stupid, I stripped my hair with colour b4 and my shower doesn't work so I rinsed it off in the bath, and thought it would be easier to just get in the bath and do it. I was only in for 5-10 minutes but still now panicking about the baby. It didn't even occur to me that could be bad until after.

I can't stop feeling like such a shitty person who's been blessed with such a gift and I'm just ruining it. I'm sorry I just need to vent. I'm so used to bad luck as well that I'm so sure something is going to go wrong with my baby. I'm constantly booking private scans to try to ease my worry. :(

I think you need to speak to your Midwife and GP about how your handling the pregnancy op.

Smoking. Isn't brilliant but you cute down and stopped. That's brilliant and will be much better for baby now and once she's out.

Eating. Absolutely fine. Lots of women deal with morning sickness like this. Eat healthy when you can and eat what you can manage the rest of the time.

No idea what the issue is with the B4 stuff, but doesn't sound like anything that would cause major issues as a one off in that time span. Again speak to MW.

Was everything OK at your last scan? Sounds like the contrast scans are feeding into the cycle of anxiety. Do you have any support in Re life? Is Dad still around?

Thanks for replying @SleepingStandingUp

Everything was fine at my 12 week scan and at the private scans baby was moving but obviously they're not medical so couldn't tell me anything, but had a strong heartbeat. I have very bad anxiety anyway even without pregnancy and I'm struggling. I'll call my midwife tomorrow and see if she can fit me in for a sooner appointment. And the dad is still around yes x

Well done on stopping smoking, that must have been tough! Likelihood baby will have been fine. My mum smoked all the way through her pregnancy with me, I believe it wasn't stigmatised then.
Having a bath is absolutely fine. The heat of anything has to be hot enough to raise your body temp and that is pretty hot.

I could have a written this post!
Though I gave up smoking as soon as I found out, it wasn't easy and I really struggled for a couple of weeks. Fortunately after a couple weeks of not smoking my sense or smell got so sensitive, the smell of cigarettes made me queasy. Give yourself a pat on the back for quitting, don't focus on the how long it took. Just keep it up!

I had severe sickness and lived on salt and pepper ribs and chow mein from the Chinese for weeks. Take your antenatal vitamins and eat well when you can, you'll be fine. I found Pregnacare vitamins made my sickness a lot worse and I hear that's not uncommon, so maybe consider that if you're using pregnacare. FTM and just assumed I needed to take the vits in the nice box

Talk to your midwife about your anxieties. It's what they're there for. But you know chances are baby is and will be absolutely fine. Try to enjoy it a little. I found the first 22 weeks or so mentally really rough and it did ruin it for me, and I also felt unable to talk about it as people assumed I meant I was unhappy about being pregnant, which wasn't the case at all. Be kind to yourself, eat the junk food, take your vitamins and sleep as much as you can!

Sweetheart honestly talk to your midwife about seeing the mental health midwife. You are not going to damage the baby doing these things and you cant go on worrying so much. The baby will be fine and you can still colour and strip your hair in the bath and be fine you can eat shitty food throughout and the baby will still be perfectly healthy. Most women eat pure shit in the 1st trimester. Honestly talk to people about your anxiety and you will feel so much better x

I can totally empathise with you OP, I've had terrible health for many years, including last year when i was in a comma for 7 weeks following pneumonia and a cardiac arrest. I worry about everything and even though I'm only 7+ 6 am going for my second private scan on Thursday. I think I just can't believe that it was so easy for me to get pregnant when everything else with my health has gone wrong.

The only advice I have, your health conditions are being managed and are separate from your pregnancy. The NHS has some fantastic obstetric consultants so get one of them.

Well done on quitting smoking, generations ago women smoked throughout their pregnancies so while it's not good I'm sure that no major damage has been done.

As far as eating badly, your body will make sure the baby is getting all the nutrition in the food you eat ahead of you so it will be fine.

Good luck and cut yourself a break. I'm sure you're doing great.

Talk to Dad too, he doesn't need to "understand" but he does need to support you x

OP, I have generalised anxiety disorder and depression and have really struggled with the pregnancy. The first trimester was horrible and I felt guilty at every single bad thought I had when we'd been wanting a baby for so long but I was exhausted, sick and a bit of a wreck. My anxiety levels were insane and I'll be honest, even with the scans which were all fine it wasn't until I felt baby move at 23 weeks I've chilled out a bit. Hormone levels don't help mental health but I'd have an honest conversation with your midwife when you can to let her know you're worried. We also have a pregnancy assessment unit here that is manned 24 hours a day and are there if you need to check anything. I must have rung them a dozen times with silly questions and they've never felt as though I'm wasting their time. X

Definitely go speak to somebody about your mental health.

I am pregnant with my third and have very bad anxiety. I kept it to myself my first pregnancy and it was by far the worst one I have had. I can now manage my anxiety and am on my third pregnancy. I now love being pregnant and am so very glad I got to do it over two more times the right way.

My first child does have some issues and I wonder if it was me that caused it but that’s just my anxiety- even with the perfect pregnancy things can happen.
However you seem like you’re not all there and a bit spacey due to the anxiety and possibly bipolar And making mistakes that can harm your child in the process. Don’t feel bad a lot of woman struggle when pregnant but the best thing you can do for yourself is look forward and try to do better

Oh my goodness, you are doing amazingly well! I keep making jokes that DS1 is part cherry and part peanut M&M as that was the majority of my diet for the first 6 weeks of knowing I was pregnant.

You cut down smoking, what a brilliant way to do it. Going through withdrawals from going cold turkey would not have been good for you or baby.

The body does an amazing job of looking after the baby. In fact, right now you will come off worse from anything you do compared to your baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, but remember that a LOT of women, myself included, hated being pregnant, and the only thing that got me through it was the knowledge that at the end of the road I'd have a baby.