Am I going crazy?

[Newsnat]

Just really looking for someone to tell me I am not a lunatic...

I am on day 2 of mat leave (36+5 today) and I’m not sleeping. Not well anyway. I’ve had PGP & round ligament pain for most of my pregnancy - I am as mobile as I possible can be at this stage thanks to physio but I am still very sore at night. I can only lie on each side for around an hour at a time, so I am constantly waking up to move or pee. Rolling over is agony, between the above pains and trying to humph what feels like a giant bowling ball strapped to my stomach over with me... it’s agony.

I also have PUPPS. If you don’t know what that is it’s inflamed itchy stretch marks. They’re getting much better with the help of non-steroidle diprobase I’m almost never itchy in the day now but I still wake up giving myself a vigorous scratch sometimes because the heat in bed seems to irritate them.

The combination of all this is turning me insane. I am shattered and paranoid. Paranoid all my tossing and turning and scratching is distressing my baby. So much so I wake up (like right now) and just lie here frozen to the spot and feel him wriggle. Sometimes I even get up in the night and have a bit of something sweet to wake him so I know he’s there. Does anyone else feel like this at night time? I’m just terrified because I feel like I have no control at night and what if I do something to hurt him or accidentally roll onto my stomach or stress him out by scratching too hard. Sorry this post is so long but I feel like I’m
Losing my mind a little.

And that’s before I even get started worrying about the fact he’s not dropped yet and I am struggling with breathing and desperate not to go post dates as I really want an intervention free birth.

You are not a lunatic!
The joys only fellow pregnant women can understand.
I feel exactly the same regarding waking up and thinking crap is he ok after all my struggling throughout the night.
My hips, pelvis & thighs have been horrendous for months, like you only a maximum of an hour on each side so I'm constantly changing sides throughout the night, the absolutely discomfort of moving this boulder over each time, to just then get comfy and need the toilet.
I have to lie here in the morning and won't rest until I feel him wriggle around. I'm currently 35+1 weeks went on maternity leave last week.
I don't have the itchy stretch marks though so I can only imagine how annoying that is for you on top of everything else.
Rest assured you are not alone!

I am so relieved to hear that. Particularly the lying until you feel him move part - before I stopped I was making myself late some days but to lie there and make sure he is ok. I couldn’t get on with my day otherwise. Not after a night of thrashing about. Less of an issue now I have four weeks to twiddle my thumbs 😂😂

I can relate to the bit about making baby move. My firstborn was not much of a wriggler and I would lie still and poke my bump to try and get her to move sometimes just to reassure me. Believe me though you're not going to harm your baby from scratching. The baby is well protected by your skin and muscle and the gestational sac. Try not to worry about his positioning either. Still plenty of time for him to 'drop' as theoretically it could be another 5 weeks before he arrives. I think our worries are always intensified at night time. I know it's easy to say, but do try to stop worrying, you are not going to harm your lovely baby .