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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Dads access when previously been abusive

7 replies

amb38 · 02/11/2019 22:19

Hi, just looking for advice... I'm 26 weeks pregnant and my child's father has been nothing but nasty and disrespectful during my pregnancy. He lives with his mother who has also been sending me awful text messages and threatening taking me to court.

3 weeks ago he told me he thought the baby wasn't his but now he wants to take me to court to get access (I have never refused him access) I am not comfortable at all with my daughter being alone with him or his mother as he has previously been violent and abusive towards me both physically and mentally. He has been known to be on drugs and is very unpredictable and angry when on alcohol. They have serious financial problems and a lot of debt. She struggles with depression and some days doesn't leave her bedroom she is also very unpredictable and has been known to flip and kick him out in the middle of the night etc. There is constant shouting and arguing in the house between the pair of them and I really feel like my daughter would be put at risk being there.

If he was to go to court for access would they allow it? I'm so stressed because of this all because I have very minimal to no proof of this so I'm frightened it would just be brushed under the carpet though it's very serious.

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 02/11/2019 22:43

I was in much the same situation as yourself. I am no longer with father of my ds for exactly same reasons. I left him over a year ago and he has nc with ds. He was told contact was suspended bc of my concerns..he sent 1 solicitors letter after3 mnths nc to which my solicitor responded, heard nothing more from him.😉

amb38 · 02/11/2019 22:47

@Louise91417 did you have to prove any of this? I'm frightened they will grant him access and I will just have to live with it but I would be really worried about my daughters welfare whilst in their care

OP posts:
upups · 02/11/2019 23:09

I am also going through a similar situation at the moment. Do you have an evidence of abuse? Messages, pictures anything really. If you can prove to a court that it is not in the best interest of the child then you can fight for him to have no access. Or you can try and do it through a contact centre where is visits will be supervised. I would highly recommend getting a lawyer now and talking this all through with them. Also do not put his name on the birth certificate and make sure your daughter has only your last name

amb38 · 02/11/2019 23:50

@upups I don't have much proof at all to be honest of any of it I've just been there when it's happened

OP posts:
StillWeRise · 02/11/2019 23:59

as upups says, you can avoid most of these problems by not putting his name on the birth certificate. It will then be up to him to take you to court and establish his paternity, which I would bet large sums of money he won't do (he might threaten it but he won't do it)
I strongly recommend you find somewhere local to you that does the Freedom Programme, this will help you understand more about his abusive behaviour, and the damage it could cause you and your future child
good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 03/11/2019 00:03

One thing you can do, in order to slow down his access, is keep his name off the birth certificate. He would need to Kay for a dna test to prove the baby us his and from the sounds of things he’s unlikely to do that.

Louise91417 · 03/11/2019 07:44

I kept his abusive text messages. I also knew that it was on his medical file that he had a history of drug and alcohol problems so when my solicitor responded he made it clear should it go to court medical file would be requested. Agree with op, keep his name of birth cert.

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