Worrying that no room in my heart for the second child

[LondoMalari]

Hi,
I am currently pregnant with my second child and I have lots of worries about everything. I know it’s all silly but it gets me upset and I wonder if I am the only one who is going through this? The thing that I can’t stop thinking about is that I will not love my second child because honestly I don’t feel anything at the moment, no excitement or any kind. Partially, its because I was feeling very rough for the past 6 weeks, but still.. I have 5 year old daughter which means the world to me. I love her to bits and I can’t imagine my life without her. I worry that when the second child arrives - there won’t be any room for the second child in my heart. Or even worse.. that I will have to share my love between 2 kids and one of them will feel neglected. I know it is all silly, but it makes me so upset that I am ready to cry. Just need a word of support really…

There's not much you can do about sibling rivalry, alas (if they both accuse you of loving the other one more, you've got the balance spot on ), but you'll find you have an infinite capacity to love your kids...your love is not a finite resource (unlike, maybe, your patience!).

I felt exactly the same when expecting my DS2. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone like I loved DS1 and at times it felt like I was betraying him. I had feelings of regret and like the new baby was breaking up our special bond
DS2 was born a year old and honestly I love him just as much as DS1 and he has added a whole new dimension to our family. He and DS1 adore each other and seeing their relationship grow is amazing. I never would have believed it but your love doesn’t get divided, your heart just grows to include the new baby.
Your feelings are totally normal

I have an 8 week old DS and nearly 5 yo DD who I adore and life has been all about her for 5 years. I was petrified of ruining my bond with DD.and not loving anyone as much as her and therefore being a rubbish mum to DS.

Past few weeks has been hard but I've

Posted too soon!

I've love bombed DD to make her feel like things haven't really changed. She's been spoilt rotten, and so far so good. There have been times when DH has had to do more with her and their bond has got better as a result,.it has made me a little teary when she's asked him to do bedtime (he's never asked usually), but things are starting to go back to normal with me and dd. It has been a bit knackering though! I was doing crafts and baking with her 1 day back from the hospital

In terms of my bond with ds, not going to lie, it's not there yet. But I'm not surprised as I've had barely a minute with him to just be with him and enjoy him as a baby because it's all school runs and cleaning to keep on top of things. In the past week though I've relaxed a bit and he's started smiling a lot and I can feel him becoming part of the family. I think the bond is getting there. DD is besotted with him which helps and I'm confident in a few months my bond with him will be just as strong as with my DD.

I worries about this throughout my second pregnancy - DS1 was only 17 months when DS2 was born and throughout my pregnancy he was still my baby and I just couldn’t imagine loving anyone as much as I loved him.

I cannot tell you the relief when DS2 was handed to me when he was born and I physically felt my heart grow. It was instant and easy and I just was like “oh!!! Of course! He’s my baby too”

I have similar worries OP. I think it’s quite normal. I look at my daughter & feel so sad that she’ll soon have to share me & I worry she won’t understand. And how she’ll cope with such a big change in her little life.

BUT I’m an only child & I swore I’d never just have one. I had a lovely childhood & have fantastic parents but my family is tiny & there were many times I longed for a bigger family and to not be the only child at family gatherings! I was always really envious of my friends with siblings. And I feel the same as an adult!

This second bambino will complete us and give my daughter at least the option to have a friend for life and/or a companion at family times. I know having a sibling will enhance her life even when she doesn’t think so!

I didn't love my second child less, but I loved them in a different way. I felt much more protective of him.

I think alot of 2nd/3rd/4th time mums go through this feeling. I certainly did and couldnt imaging another child coming close to my son...he was 5 when I had ds2 and he adored his little brother and never felt left out of anything. I soon realised of course they are both my children and I'm going to love them both the same. It's just all about change isnt it and how you 'think' dc1 is going to cope with it but they do. I'm on number 3 now and cant imaging myself being a mum of 3 because my youngest is technically still my baby (altho I tell them both no matter what age they are always going to be my babies lol) but of course again im going to love the new baby just the same once hes here :) x

thanks guys for you kind coments. I have to say that I am a little bit relieved now.

I felt exactly the same when I was pregnant with my second.

Turns out love multiplies! It will all turn out fine I promise xxx

Thank you, Samsamsuperman.

I felt like this when pregnant with my second. It took me longer to bond with DS (no 2) than DD (no 1), but that was probably because I didn’t have time to spend all day staring at and cuddling him! Now 2 years on I can’t imagine life without him and I don’t know why I ever worried that I wouldn’t love him as much!

I’m now pregnant with DC3 and it’s really nice not to have that worry this time - I know from experience that love multiplies and I’ll love this one just as much as I love their older siblings!

Congratulations on your DC 2 - I promise you’ll love them just as much as you love your first!

My family has much more love for each other with each baby added. It’s amazing