Horrendous Anxiety

[RainMinusBow]

I'm 39 next month and around 9 weeks pregnant. I have two boys from my first marriage - 9 and 12.

I also have a history of recurrent mc with one of those being a mmc following a normal 8-week scan with heartbeat (found at 11 weeks).

I suffer with extreme anxiety and have convinced myself I've had another mmc. My boobs don't really hurt any more and I've stopped feeling so nauseous.

We're seeing OH's parents on Friday and he wants to tell them about the pregnancy, but it's stressing me out. The last thing I want them to do is get excited and celebrate if the baby has passed.

I can't sleep and I feel so incredibly down all of the time.

Any advice would be so much appreciated.

Sorry to hear about your previous miscarriages.
I can see why you would be anxious. Are you able to afford an early scan? It may help your anxiety but from experience I know it is short lived and you don't want to set a precedent of relying on scans.

As for telling your partner's parents, I would wait and explain to him that you're not comfortable to say anything yet. I, personally, told my mum and sister early but my DP wanted to wait to tell everyone else until after the 12 week scan. So we waited. You need to be comfortable with who you tell.

@LighteningRidge Thank you so much for replying. I'm not sure an early scan would help all that much as I had a normal scan with one of my earlier pregnancies just to be told two weeks later baby had died.

OH and I are hoping mw might be able to pick up a heartbeat at my first booking in which is in a few weeks' time? But then I've heard a hb before and it's gone wrong so yes it will give us reassurance.. to a point.

He wants to tell them because he says he'd want their support if anything goes wrong. I understand that but I know they'll be all excited and that stresses me out! They live a way a way and of course I won't be drinking which will be a huge clue.

My dad doesn't know yet as my mI'm knows he'll go mad. Both OH and I don't earn much between us although we both work ft, and he will be panicking about how were going to cope. Also...and this is the shocking part(!)...we're not married! Dad won't take to kindly to that.

My scan is on my birthday of all days so if it is bad news it's going to be so hard to deal with.

*mum

I'm not sure about picking a heartbeat up so early but you could always ask. However, at my 16 week appointment they did warn that it may take time to locate a heartbeat. I believe any earlier than 16 weeks and they may not be able too at all, but I'm not sure on the specifics.

I agree with both you and your partner. My mum was a huge support to me through awful morning sickness and early bleeding. Should he need the support of his parents, he could tell them then. Or would it be possible for him to mention it to them without you being present and he tells them to keep in mind your previous losses and so they need to be considerate and let you come to them when you're ready.

Sorry to hear your dad would go mad. How draconian of him. I can't believe people still think this way. Hopefully once he has his head round it he will be supportive rather than judgemental. At the end of the day everyone has their own opinion on matters but so long as you're happy then he should be too.

It's a worrying time if you've had a missed miscarriage, but pregnancy symptoms come and go.. Sometimes your boobs deflate and inflate again, sometimes they're not sore etc. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy, tell your OH you will share your news when you feel comfortable and not before, if you want support if things go womrong, and that's a big IF then you can ask for it.

I mentioned to OH about not being comfortable about telling his parents yet. I question if there's much point until I'm more secure in the pregnancy.

They live over an hour away and are both in their mid-seventies. I wouldn't say he is emitonally close to them; in fact, when significant events have happened before in our lives he has chosen not to tell them as he has felt it would just cause them anxiety.

He also says if it was up to him he would also tell his sister and her family but again, I don't know why really. They have literally never visited us in the time we have been together!!

He's shut down and won't talk about it, he says he should be able to tell them if he wants. He argues that my mum knows and yes, she does, but she lives two minutes down the road and I see her most days. I've always been incredibly close.

My dad doesn't know yet as it would just stress him out. He has autism and very set ways. My boys (9 and 12) don't yet either.

Am I being unreasonable here?