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Original poster

Not planning on breastfeeding - how will this go down at NCT Class?

45 replies

Cherry85 · 25/10/2019 20:43

Hi everyone,

I am starting my nct classes in a couple of weeks but feeling really apprehensive about it.

I am planning on expressing but not breastfeeding. I have had eating disorders over the years and I am really body conscious and the thought of it gives me such anxiety it makes me want to cry.

Had a chat with my midwife and she agrees that I have to put mental health first as well as do what's right for baba. She has advised if only expressing I may not be able to maintain a supply but agrees that supplemented by powdered is the best option.

My mum has been a nightmare and has gone around bitching to her mates about how ridiculous it is that I am not planning on breastfeeding....who have in turn confronted me about it(wtf).... she is not the most supportive and very domineering.

Anyway, I am happy with my decision, but feeling very attacked about it and dont want it to happen in a room of strangers. What should I do?

If it comes up do I explain the situation to the whole group? Do I speak to the teacher privately? I am scared they will ram the breast is best stuff down my throat (not disputing it is!) And just feeling quite vulnerable.

Has anyone done the breastfeeding session? If I am not planning on doing it do I need to go?

Any advice would be appreciated - but please no lectures on my choices!

OP posts:

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Sorbfsiabs · 25/10/2019 21:12

I exclusively expressed for 13 months, send me a PM if I can help in any way x

WineIsMyCarb · 25/10/2019 21:15

Just a note in support of pumping. Good on you. Your milk is going down baby's throat, who cares if it's via a bottle

babybrain77 · 25/10/2019 21:19

Just a note of support - I was super nervous about NCT in case it was judgey. Tbh the breastfeeding class was awful - it didn't prepare us at all for the reality. If you're planning not to BF, you could always skip that class.

DS is nearly 8 months now and the NCT girls have absolutely preserved my sanity. I was thinking today just how glad I am that we did the classes, even though the classes themselves were pretty awful. I think we have been lucky with our group, but I would definitely say to go and just take everything they tell you with a pinch of salt!

Butterfly02 · 25/10/2019 21:23

Own your decision and be aware that you'll be judged on all sorts as a parent so sometimes if you can let these issues wash over you.
Re expressing a very good pump will help - I breastfed twins till 13months I expressed alot so that it was easier when out and found that a good electric pump was best. I'd also echo the most judgemental mums were found at the breastfeeding groups - somehow bottle feeding expressed milk is just as bad as formula feeding.
I'd always say that a mum in a good mental health state is best for baby and therefore formula fed, expressed fed is better for your baby than breastfed if your in a better place.

Countrylifeornot · 25/10/2019 21:28

Why are you doing NCT? Is it to make friends, or for advice? If the second, then NHS classes are often just as good.

If it's to make friends depending on where you live it may be a waste of money - some groups are known to be really quite brown rice and if you're feeling insecure about your choices you'll just end up feeling worse.

Be careful that you aren't setting up to be judged

Newbie1981 · 25/10/2019 21:29

I always said I wasn't going to do it and nobody in NCT batted an eyelid. I think liked my honesty! Actually turns out I ended up doing it because I had a weird urge when she was born, I bet the reason I did in the end is because I didn't feel pressured by them or anyone. I think you'll be surprised, the world doesn't seem to care about how you feed your child, Mumsnet do, but that's not the real world!

GetRid · 25/10/2019 21:29

In my NCT class there was one woman who decided not to breastfeed purely because she thought it was weird. No-one in her family or social circle had ever breastfed, and she felt really uncomfortable about the idea of it. It was quite sad that she felt that way, and I felt sorry for the baby. However nobody made her feel awkward about it and it wasn't a problem.

Newbie1981 · 25/10/2019 21:31

Also, whatever you choose to do will be right for your baby if it's right for you. You are going to be great 😀😀😀

Dilkhush · 25/10/2019 21:35

I'm sorry that your mother is not supportive, that must be hard for you. x

Timeless19 · 25/10/2019 21:36

We had 2 in our NCT class who absolutely refused to bf for medical reasons and went straight to formula. Their choice no one discussed it or commented on it. I really admire you for planning to express, don’t skimp on the pump I went with a medela swing and never got on with it so found bf a doddle in comparison. Friends who’ve got pumps more recently have rated the Elvie pump.

Longtalljosie · 25/10/2019 21:39

At our NCT classes breastfeeding was discussed but we weren’t put on the spot I don’t think. Just be non-committal and miss the workshop. And tell your mum nothing further!

IvinghoeBeacon · 25/10/2019 21:40

Two in my NCT group had decided already not to breastfeed. One did come to the BF session but I don’t think the other did. No one was bothered either way. I can’t actually recall how many of us did breastfeed/mix feed / formula feed now and the babies are only 18mo so it really is only important to you as parents and not others

Crissy83 · 25/10/2019 21:41

Absolutely no judgement at mine. In the end only one of five bf for any length of time. But I guess as always it depends on the individuals in the group.

Siablue · 25/10/2019 21:43

You could ask them to cover exclusively pumping. They should cover expressing as part of the breastfeeding bit. I have a friend who managed to get to7 months without having to top up with formula.

The breastfeeding teacher at my NCT class was a bit batty and my friend went anyway even though she was planning on formula feeding. It did cover bottle feeding.

Sunflower234 · 25/10/2019 21:44

In the nicest possible way you are overthinking and need to chill out!

NCT is more open minded than you think.

Our group had a gay couple (two guys) who obviously weren’t going to breastfeed.

Expressing is a great alternative anyway. Means your baby will still get the colostrum.

P.s definitely another recommendation for the medela pump- get a double it will save you so much time. They are quite affordable to pick up second hand.

littlecabbage · 25/10/2019 21:54

I think none of us can advise you whether to go, because it totally depends what the "teacher" is like. Hopefully you will get a feel of whether she is a generally open-minded and supportive person from the main sessions, and then decide whether to attend the bf session based on that. If she does seem helpful and supportive, maybe have a quiet word with her beforehand so that she can add in lots of helpful advice re expressing.

I remember stuff in our session that would have been helpful for all types of feeding, e.g. v young babies feeding a lot in evenings, early cues that baby is getting hungry (before it starts crying) etc, so it may be beneficial to go if the teacher isn't being judgemental.

Bol87 · 25/10/2019 22:13

My NCT leader/class didn’t bat an eyelid at those not wanting to breastfeed. There were two in my class who said they weren’t & had some questions about what happened to your boobs/milk etc & we had some informed discussions.

In the end, 2 exclusively BF, one mixed for 6 months and 3 of us formula fed. We all supported each other!

Guess we were lucky, I made great friends! 2.5 years later, we were all on a play date this afternoon!

IDontDrinkTea · 25/10/2019 22:18

I am a midwife. As long as you’re not giving your baby whiskey, I literally couldn’t care less how you feed them. You do whatever is best for you and your family, and ignore anyone else who isn’t supportive

MardyLardy · 25/10/2019 22:23

Your NCT bfc could be the person who knows about pumping - sounds like your Mw doesn’t. Go and be clear what you want to know - there should be lots generally relevant and the more you say what you need to know the better the class will be for you.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 25/10/2019 23:28

Women who exclusively express are blimmin’ amazing. It is hard and in many ways combines the worst parts of formula and breastfeeding, so frankly anyone who gives you any less than full respect for that choice is a fool.

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