Intimidated by my midwife

[lpearl3]

Hi this might sound stupid but here goes. I am a grade school teacher, 40-years old, have 4 children and I am expecting baby #5. 36 weeks,

I have a young midwife, very young, She is 26. She is qualified and very good at what she does. So good that when I got pregnant I talked to my family GP who referred her. She delivered the GP's baby as well as another doctor's at the same clinic. My GP loves her and swears by her.

She Is confident, extremely intelligent, tall and strikingly gorgeous - she looks like a freaking model.

Hence the problem - my stupid insecurity. It sound weird but I find myself so intimidated by her. I don't know if it is because she is super smart or if Its because I feel like I am a waste of space around her. It is old, she is a nurse and went through an accelerated midwifery degree. I am afraid.I can't hold an intelligent conversation with this woman who younger than me.

I am in my early 40's, pregnant, and feel gross. I know that pregnant women often feel insecure and vulnerable in pregnancy and especially in late pregnancy; is this an example of this or am I just being stupid? TIA for not judging me and for young insight

Oh @lpearl3 I really feel for you. What a horrid feeling!
She is probably totally in awe of you for raising 4 lovely children and growing another, you just don't know what she is thinking. Is there a reason that you feel you can't hold an intelligent conversation with her? Does she instigate particular conversations?
I'm sure you have nothing to worry about

If she is competent and caring, then that’s all that matters.
If you feel she is on your side, try and relax. I would think midwives only care about supporting mothers and welcoming babies into the world. If she wants high brow discussions I’m sure she pursues those in her spare time; anything else would be unprofessional, and it doesn’t sound like she is.

I felt a bit like this about my midwife for DC2.

But she was on shift when my son was born and couldn’t have been more brilliant, especially when I was rushed to have a forceps delivery. I soon forgot about feeling like a beached whale next to her! They really have seen it all before.

In the nicest possible way, why do you care so much?

Is she your community midwife? Or the actual midwife who will deliver your baby? Not sure if you're in the UK?

Either way, you'll barely see her. I've seen my midwife about five times for 10-15 minutes at a time, it's not like we spend huge amounts of time together. I barely remember the ones who delivered my babies, my mind was elsewhere at the time!

It's nice (for her) that you admire her but you are one of many patients she will see so I doubt she is thinking anything about you at all, outside of your actual appointments. You should probably do the same and forget about her!

I understand, I would feel the same and I am 30.

She’s not ‘very young’, as far as I’m aware you can be a qualified midwife at 21 if you take the three year midwifery degree after completing A levels. At 26 as a nurse who has then taken an additional midwifery qualification she could have been qualified in nursing/midwifery for five years already.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but to offer an alternative perspective: as a woman, how would you like to be judged on your appearance rather than your knowledge and professional experience? As a newly qualified teacher in your early twenties, would you have expected students and their parents to treat you as the professional you were, or to have made judgments about you based on your age? Similarly with her appearance. She may be conventionally attractive but it’s a bit harsh to allow that to factor into your judgment of her, she’s there to do a job and is no differently able to do that job than someone who’s been a midwife for three decades and who you feel is less attractive.

Ultimately, does it really matter? You’re thirty six weeks, in a few months your time of being cared for by midwives will be over and you’ll never see her again, I assure you she’s not expecting or hoping that one of her many patients will show up for an appointment or be in labour wanting to discuss deep philosophical concepts or the merits of Dostoyevsky, she’s there to provide prenatal care and deliver your baby safely (if she’s even on shift), there’s really no need to overthink it as much as you are.

You're a teacher so clearly not exactly an idiot yourself. I totally understand how you are feeling but it is totally unnecessary!

Are you in the UK? You barely see your midwife .. try not to feel so bad. She’s just a person like everyone else, what people look like doesn’t mean they are perfect. She’s probably stressing out about all her paperwork & more complex patients. Probs thinking she needs to pick up some tea on the way home, do the washing & clean her bathrooms! She probably looks forward to friendly faces & a chat about their lives!

That said, I saw mine at for 20 mins at 8 week & about 10 mins at 16 weeks and I’m not seeing her again until 28 weeks! She 99% won’t deliver baby, i never saw my pre-preg midwife again after my 40 week appointment last time!

I can’t say I ever give much thought to mine other than they are friendly. They are def more intelligent than me medical wise but that’s what they are there for! Try not to overthink it OP.

You shouldn't worry about it, I've been having those feelings throughout my pregnancy and it is normal. There's so many things going on in your body, try to focus on yourself and your little bundle of joy!