Anxiety of harming the baby

[Flowerpower2019]

Hi ladies.

I’m a young women 28 years old living in sweden and pregnant with my first baby at 21 weeks. Before this pregnancy I had a early miscarriage last year.

Throughout this pregnancy Ive felt anxiety first of loosing the baby and then harming the baby through the things I’ve eaten. I have on occasions by mistake eaten unwashed fruits, salads at restaurants and some vegetables that were poorly washed from a garden - I even did some gardening and don’t remember if I washed my handa thoroughly or not 😭. I never got any information about soil and stuff like that since here in sweden they are very relaxed when it comes to pregnant women.

I got a stomach bug in september and everything escalated after that. My doctor did different tests on me including a stool test for toxoplasmosis as he talked with a senior and they agreed it was the best option to get a correct result in the acute set of symptoms . Now my stomach has settled but I still feel sick like a cold but have no fever. I have talked with both doctor and midwife who thinks everything is normal and nothing to be worried about. But I can’t seem to forget the harmful things I have eaten and I think I might have toxoplasmosis. Since it’s very rare here in Sweden they don’t do the regular testing for it.

Everything was normal at the 20 weeks scan and they assured me that any abnormalities would have been detected. I just can’t relax and overthink every bodily sensations. I have washed my hands so much that I have wounds everywhere.. I just can’t relax and trust the doctors and the scans and believe everything is good with me and the baby. I am going to CPT therapy and it’s not helping.. I married against my family’s will so it’s only me and my husband, so I can’t take advise from anyone and don’t have anyone to talk to. I just feel my thought are killing me . I don’t sleep well I don’t eat any fruits and vegetables because i’m afraid of germs/parasites and I’m not enjoying this pregnancy at all.

please you experiences moms can you kindly help me calming down and maybe sharing your own experiences of healthy pregnancies even you did some ‘mistakes’

Love

The miserable girl..

Hi

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy!
I am currently 30+ weeks so a bit further along than you and have also struggled with anxiety during the pregnancy.

I've had CBT - I didn't find it useful at first but I persevered and eventually I have found it a massive help!

My therapist was good at changing things up which really helped me get the most out of my sessions.

If it makes you feel better I have cats, which worried me for a while but I try to avoid their poop!

I've accidentally eaten feta cheese and pate... and drank/smoked at first before I knew I was pregnant as well and all seems fine so far

There are risks but I wouldn't beat yourself up about genuine mistakes - as long as you're telling the professionals and they're happy! They specialise in pregnancy so surely they'd be the people you can trust

It's hard not to feel anxious with the hormones and it is a big change to your life - I've had freak out moments!

I've got some calming techniques - have you tried breathing exercises? These could also help you if you are having a vaginal birth as well.

My calming techniques really do help me get through the day.

All the best x

Also I forgot to say - I think it's definitely worth speaking to the professionals about your worries, what mistakes etc that have concerned you to get their perspective. I would think this would really help!

I drank and smoked for two months or so of not knowing. I also didn't have folic acid, changed cat litter and ate as though no pregnant. The horror of what I had done was huge. The Dr (to get rid of me I think) referred me for a liver function test. But it was not my liver I was worried about!!!!

Guess what? Perfect baby and the absolute best year of my life. I was delirious with happiness. I was anxious for sure and worried about germs in a way that I now realise wasn't normal. My hands in the first months were red raw and flaking. But God I was happy. I wish for you the same.

Thank you so much for your helpful inputs. I’ve been to CPT therapy for almost a month now and I’m regularly doing mindfulness exercises as well, but it’s seems like the ‘what if’ thoughts sneaks in no matter how hard I try to close the door. This is my first baby and we tried for almost two years.. I have had health anxiety before and went through numerous test because I thought I had MS. I feel like I am going on the same pattern now since the tests only give me temporary relief. As soon as I feel something else happening in the body I start googeling and end up giving myself and the baby a death sentence. It’s really hard and I can’t imagine going through this everyday till the baby comes 😭😭 I see girls on my instagram posting happy bump pics while they’re eating out or having a coffe why can’t I do that...

My midwife and doctor both have insured me that they don’t think there is something seriously wrong with me or the baby but I somehow can’t trust their judgement. I get these what if the baby is born with severe sickness and abnormalities and they missed something.. My midwife have never come across listeria/toxo during her work for 35 years both in sweden and whole scandinavia..

I’m the same as you OP - before finding out I was pregnant I drank frequently, didn’t take folic acid and ate all the things you shouldn’t. Since then I’ve been sticking to all the guidelines but can’t help feeling incredibly anxious that I’ve already harmed the baby in some way.

I’m especially worried about toxoplasmosis as I was cleaning out the litter tray before realising I was pregnant and eating rare meat!

It’s a really mind twisting game since the
more you think the more things you find that you have done that could possibly harm the baby... 😭 I don’t know how I will cope with all this for the next four months.. at the moment i’m on sickleave from work because I can’t control my anxiety even while being busy..