Struggling to copy physically & emotionally after miscarriage

[Bettie2192]

Earlier this month I had a very early miscarriage. I bled for 4 weeks in total, with the heaviest bleeding in the middle. Whilst I was obviously upset, I was more frustrated by the continuous bleeding and impatient to try again. I stopped bleeding a week ago and in that time it’s only just hit me how depressed I am about the loss. I find myself welling up with tears several times during the day. I feel like I won’t be as happy as I was when I found out I was pregnant until it happens again. Physically I don’t feel great either. I am not having any of my usual ovulation symptoms (not even pre-fertile CM, I am totally dry down there), my breasts really hurt which is unusual, and I’m still getting the odd cramp. Basically I feel like my body is broken. I don’t know whether to be worried or not. I’m so unhappy and I don’t know what to do.

@Bettie2192 I'm sorry to hear about your loss and i can relate to you, i had a miscarriage in june at 10 weeks and i felt exactly the same. I bled for about 3 weeks and i felt like you, just wanting to get on with trying again. I had 6 weeks off with my miscarriage and felt like i had failed myself, my partner my parents! I've struggled with fertility for years and thought this was my only chance!
I am now 13+4 days pregnant again and conceived just 2 months later. I never had any of my usual ovulation symptoms as knew exactly what i was looking out for before falling pregnant, so i panicked more it wasn't going to happen but it has.
Please take all the time you need to grieve and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, i promise you it will get easier and you will start to feel better eventually. I felt like i could never be happy again until i fell and yes to me that is true but you learn to cope with the loss.
Is it worth you speaking to someone? have you been on the miscarriage association website? or called them as they have someone to talk to. Even have a web chat if you don't want to talk over the phone. Do you have a good support network? i know it's hard as i feel unless you've been through it you can't understand how that person is feeling but a lot of people on this forum have and can help you through! x

Thank you Ejmay90 for your kind message. Lovely to hear you are pregnant again after your loss. I was no where near as far along as you so i can only imagine how hard that must have been, it’s so sad at any stage. I think it’s just a bit of delayed grief to be honest, and anxiety about it happening again. Normally a week after a normal period I would be seeing changes in my CM and would be getting a positive test maybe 1 week + 2 days after period but there is literally nothing there :( I might just start to DTD anyway in case I ovulate without noticing, I haven’t felt ready yet and I wanted to wait until I was feeling less defective! I guess I’m just worried as to whether this is all normal or somethings wrong.
My husband has been amazing but we haven’t told anyone else. I know one close friend who has been through this so I have been thinking about telling her and asking about her experience. I’m not very good at opening up

I went thru this in April and I'm still struggling now to be honest. I've been thru counselling which helped a little. I find it incredibly hard to open up too so it was nice talking to a stranger if I'm honest. If you've got a good friend I'd def advise confiding in them. Ive got two friends who've been AMAZING, but I didn't tell them for a few months. It will get easier, honest, but for now just let yourself feel whatever you feel. Anything you feel is ok ❤️

@bettie2192 thank you. A loss is a loss at whatever time during the pregnancy and it doesn't change the way you feel about it. Dont feel bad for feeling down because it was early. The minute we find out were pregnant we start to get excited and any loss will feel painful.
I felt the same about it happening again and panicked when I found out I was pregnant but I've had 3 early scans during this pregnancy and my god did they ease my anxiety. They are not for everyone but they helped me. I also saw someone write a comment on another post saying 'this pregnancy is a new egg and a new sperm so its not the same as the last'. That's so true and we need to think like that.
I normally had changes in my CM and sore boobs but didnt after the loss but that doesn't mean your not ovulating. Stress can play a factor. You have to try when you feel ready. Me and my partner started having sex when I stopped bleeding but I continued to grieve for a while after still. It wasnt until I sat and realized this is common and to fall again I need to feel better mentally and physically. So I got back to the gym and here we are!
Nothing is wrong, some things take time please try not to worry.
I was the same and told a few friends, none of whom had been through it so they couldn't relate as much but if you have a friend whose been through it I urge you to talk to her. It may make you feel better and opening up and crying in front of someone whose been through it will understand more.
But please take as much time as you need. It will never leave you but you'll learn to cope with it I promise. I still get sad now, especially knowing my original due date is coming up in december.
Its great you have a supportive husband x

@squirrelnutkins1 so sorry for your loss, I hope you are starting to feel better x my work has a telephone counselling service but I don’t know how I feel about it, might be a bit weird speaking to someone on the phone. Last time I saw my close friends was at a party (where I was pretending not to be pregnant lol) so next time we are in a more private setting I might tell them about it. I just feel so emotional and teary about it this week, I’ll just be typing away at work and suddenly be on the verge of tears! Maybe hormones?

@ejmay90 you’ve made me feel better about the physical aspect of it, maybe I’m getting too anxious about it and have to understand my cycle might be different this time round. I’ll try to not stress about it so much, it’s only been a week.
During my last week or so of bleeding it was mixed with what looked like CM, is it possible I could’ve ovulated whilst still bleeding? I hope not because that would mean I’d missed my next chance. I hate not knowing what’s going on and feeling out of control of my body!

@bettie2192 I've read so many people say their cycles are different after a miscarriage so it's not uncommon. Mine definitely was. Trying not to stress is also hard, sometimes it's best to let it out. Cry, scream do whatever you feel. I remember going for a walk with the dog, crying the whole way and when I got to my front door I got so angry I just kicked the hell out of it! Made me feel so much better.
If you have been bleeding for 4 weeks it could be possible, it all depends when you had your miscarriage during your cycle. But please dont get so hung up on missing your first ovulation after the miscarriage as I did that and then fixated on it too much. The more you think of it the less likely it will happen. I think I had 2 periods before falling again and the month we fell I was the calmest and less focused on having sex when we needed too which means I was less stressed and more relaxed x

Yeah defo hormones and grief and all sorts of things I think! Have you had any time off work? I had three weeks and was still tearful when I went back. It feels as tho there is constant baby talk in my office as well 🙄 thankfully only one other in my office is of childbearing age so I don't have to worry too much about being baby bombed yet, she's not at all ready by her own admission.
I think for me as well it felt worse because it took 19 months to actually get preg. Every month since I've convinced myself I'm preg only to be disappointed.
I think counselling over the phone would be a bit weird. Do you have a local service you could refer yourself to? Or ask your gp about?
Yeah talk to a friend. It does help lift the burden a little.
I used to get really bad chest pains and on looking into it grief can give you physical symptoms.
You'll get thru it and it'll make you a stronger person, as crappy as that sounds. I've felt emotions I never thought I would ranging from extreme anger to being on the floor in a puddle of tears but I know if I can get thru this (and the several other crap things that have happened this year), I can get thru anything

I’ve started bleeding again today :( I’m so annoyed and confused! Could I be having a period so soon? It would explain the sore boobs and the crazy emotions... but surly it’s too soon? Or is something more sinister happening :( I’m so fed up of all this I could just cry.

Oh bless you . I had MC 27 years ago and was convinced I would never be able to carry a baby to full term. I was severely depressed but I did get pregnant after a couple of months and now have a 26 ,24 and 19 year old ...there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.Xx