Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My boyfriend forcing me for abortion

14 replies

Linaaaaa · 20/10/2019 14:58

Hi everyone! I have been with my boyfriend over 3 years and he has a daughter from his first marriage. I felt pregnant this month and i am entering my 6th week. I told my boyfriend but he told me to have an abortion, and i want to keep my baby. He says if i give a birth his ex wife can use this a proof of adultery, their divorce has still not happened. And he says she can have all the rights ( even financially) if she proves the adultery. He is almost threatening me for an abortion and i told him that i dont want any help support from him and i can even sign any paper, but really don’t want to end my pregnancy.how can I protect myself from him ? I am thinking now he can even hurt me for the miscarriage. I dont know what to do , go to the police or what :((( really need help

OP posts:
Original poster
Linaaaaa · 20/10/2019 15:00

aaaaa

Hi everyone! I have been with my boyfriend over 3 years and he has a daughter from his first marriage. I felt pregnant this month and i am entering my 6th week. I told my boyfriend but he told me to have an abortion, and i want to keep my baby. He says if i give a birth his ex wife can use this a proof of adultery, their divorce has still not happened. And he says she can have all the rights ( even financially) if she proves the adultery. He is almost threatening me for an abortion and i told him that i dont want any help support from him and i can even sign any paper, but really don’t want to end my pregnancy.how can I protect myself from him ? I am thinking now he can even hurt me for the miscarriage. I dont know what to do , go to the police or what sad(( really need help

OP posts:
CmdrCressidaDuck · 20/10/2019 15:01

He's talking bollocks. The only thing a particular grounds for divorce does is affect the timelines in which the divorce can be granted. It means nothing about parental rights or finances.

He is not a good or safe person. You need to get away from him. If you are really afraid he may harm you to try to end your pregnancy you can call the police or Women's Aid.

Do you have family nearby? Do you have access to money? Are you working?

vdbfamily · 20/10/2019 15:03

If you wish to have your baby you need to leave this abusive man. He has had 3 years with you to sort out a divorce. Does he live with you or his wife? I would assume after 3 years, she already knows about you so may claim adultery anyway. Do not let anyone force you to get rid of a wanted pregnancy.

Fookadook · 20/10/2019 15:14

He can’t force you to have an abortion. Your body your choice, your decision.

Be prepared however, that if do you want to keep the baby then you’ll be going it alone as a single parent. Can you manage that? Don’t give the baby his name. The thing about his ex wife is his problem and by using it he is manipulating you.

We’re you the OW? You say you’ve been together for 3 years? As a partner or an affair?

BeanBag7 · 20/10/2019 15:19

What do you mean his ex wife will "have all the rights" if she proves adultery?

In any case it sounds like he was committing adultery as he has bee with you for 3 years so if she can prove that and therefore get what she is due from the divorce, that's tough luck for him.

As for yourself the important thing to do is move out (if you live together) - go and stay with a friend or family for a while if you can - or change the locks.

If you genuinely are afraid he might hurt you to cause a miscarriage, you could call the police or an abuse charity for advice.

Original poster
Linaaaaa · 21/10/2019 11:48

Thank you all for your messages. So we have been together over 3 years, he met my family i met his. In fact we even did a religious ceremony aswell. He was living with me and even his ex knows about me, but she wanted make a difficult for him. So i have waited all those years so he can fix it. She even signed the separation letter. She has drinking problems , therefore he wants to have an access to his daughter anytime and he said if the house on daughter s name he can go there anytime. He says if ex knows about my child she can reverse this decision as the decision was made in his good faith. He has been telling me so many things, and says he wants to protect his daughter!
I am working, and have some savings. How can kill my own child? He took his staff but he has keys to my flat. I am thinking to go to police so that he cant come near me.

OP posts:
paperplant · 21/10/2019 12:44

You need to think about yourself and your baby, not about your partner's interests or his (ex-)wife.

If you haven't already, contact your GP/local hospital for your first midwife appointment, start taking folic acid and try calling a charity helpline (afraid I don't know any particular one) or perhaps even sexual health clinic for qualified advice in your situation, perhaps also try the police.

timshelthechoice · 21/10/2019 12:55

Cut all contact with this abusive man. He can't force you to do shit.

villamariavintrapp · 21/10/2019 13:00

Are you in uk? Is he the non resident parent? I don't think he can go to his ex's house anytime he wants just because his daughter's there. His ex is entitled to change her mind on that. If he has concerns due to her drinking then he could contact social services, for their assessment and input.

villamariavintrapp · 21/10/2019 13:01

Oops posted too soon, you need to do what's right for you and it sounds like you want to keep the baby. His arrangement with his ex and daughter should be completely separate.

CoffeeAndCarbs · 21/10/2019 14:23

I'd change the locks if I were you and inform your GP/women's Aid of your situation, they will be able to help you x

Boymummy3 · 21/10/2019 14:29

It's so sad how many posts I see on here about bf/husbands forcing an abortion! I dont get what goes through some mens heads!

First thing you need to do is get away from this bloke even if it means changing your locks to the flat so he cant come back. Tell him its over and you dont want to see him. You can easily be a single parent you dont need him! It doesnt actually make sence why after 3 years he still isnt divorced but hes using that as an excuse as to not have this baby. If you can as pp has mentioned seel advice from womens aid if you think that you are in danger from this bloke x

Original poster
Linaaaaa · 21/10/2019 17:01

So i went to police and reported everything’s he said. Just before going to police station he said you don’t what i can do if you decide to keep baby. So he is actually threatening me and my baby. I recorded the conversation aswell. Tomorrow i am going to women’s aid. I can’t change the lock as i am sharing it with other people. I need to change where i live and will ask support on this. I am also raising an injunction against him tomorrow so that he can stay away from me. I cant change the locks as i am living in a shared house. I blocked his number aswell. I am really hoping that he will stay away from me, and dont hurt me or my baby.

Thank you everyone for your support! It means a lot to me 🙏

OP posts:
CoffeeAndCarbs · 21/10/2019 17:04

@Linaaaaa good for you! Take care and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread