Unsure on what to do

[Nonymous1]

Hi everyone
I really pray my post does not cause offence to anyone. I already feel guilty as it is for just being in my situation.

I got pregnant, completely unplanned and under really bad circumstances. Me and my ex broke up, I went and slept with someone else and got pregnant for the first time in my life at 29. So I am unsure who the father is. Me and a previous partner tried for a year and nothing.

I thought I would feel overwhelming love, and protection, but I feel nothing. I was so sure I was going to terminate as my housing, financial and general circumstances are really bad right now and I'm very lost in my life. Because I was going to terminate, I continued to drink as usual. Take sleeping tablets etc. A family member recently passed away and so I have been in a kind of self destruct mode.

I then after 8 weeks felt a surge of love and thought I can do this on my own. But it changed again after a week.

I just don't feel anything. And I feel like such a horrible person - I want to feel love and I want to feel all the things most expecting mothers do but I just don't. Do you think this means I am not ready to be a mother? I feel as though because of my age, I should be having babies by now... but it's almost like social pressure. I thought all these feelings would come naturally. I want a family one day, I really do. I just don't understand myself and my actions. I wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar, or could offer advice.
I'm so sorry if I have offended anyone. I'm just so very lost and I do not feel it right to bring a baby into the world if I cannot provide his or her needs.
Thanks x

@Nonymous1 I don't think you should apologise ... you're going through a difficult time and I think no one can judge what you're going through.
I feel for you so much right now and I hope I could offer more helpful advice but all I am going to say is that you should really, really listen to yourself and let that guide you.
There is no right or wrong choice. Only the right choice for you. Don't beat yourself up and try and really consider what you think you're capable of dealing with.

@Nonymous1 if now and the circumstances are not the right time for you to start a family then so be it. Give yourself the love and care to make this a decision you will be happy to live with. Either way is the right way as long as you're doing it with consideration. I'm sending you love and light and hope you will feel better soon

You're lucky that in this country you currently have a choice over what you do. If the time is wrong, the circumstances are wrong, the support isn't there...then you can choose not to continue. -- I will be flamed for this response but no one should be guilted into having a baby....that is not the right reason to bring a child into the world. You don't need to base your choice on others opinions.... it's down to you to decide.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't feel anything for my daughter until she was born. I'd urge you to stop with the drinking and sleeping tablets until you've made a decision. It'll only make you feel worse. I'd recommend that you make an appointment with your doctor and tell them how you feel, they'll point you in the right direction. Hope you're okay.

Again, no need to apologise. And give yourself a break.
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this, but what I do want to say is, it took me ages to feel any love towards my bump and I am in a very happy, loving marriage and the baby was planned. Pregnancy is hard, right from the beginning and it's stressful and confusing.
Hope you have some close friends to talk to? X