Opinions on staying with the father while pregnant

[Emma1998]

So I am 17 weeks pregnant and so happy, but my partner and I have been constantly at war with one another throughout my pregnancy so far.

I mainly can't get out of my head the fact he was prying for an abortion despite knowing my feelings on the matter - I have always wanted this baby and it is not something I could do (at this stage in my life). I am struggling to get past this as said a lot of hurtful things for his own selfish reasons to convince me otherwise.
Although I am trying to be understanding, I don't have very positive feelings towards him and would rather be on my own.

He has gave me an ultimatum that we make it work and be a family, or I can tell him to leave and I won't be able to contact him. I have no problem bringing up a child on my own, but I don't want to be unfair on the child not having a father because I left the relationship.

Confused on what to do. Any advice will be much appreciated. What would you do? Thank you!

He's emotionally blackmailing yioi to stay with him.

If he's that willing to walk away from his own child, he won't be a good dad even if he stays

If he walks away from his child that's on him, him decision. You won't have caused it.

I'd tell hi mto pack him bagsm. Make it clear he's welcome to be a part of child's life but you will not be bullied into having a relationship with him

Thank you @SleepingStandingUp I never saw it as emotional blackmail, but that does seem to be exactly what he's doing as it is making me think twice about everything.

He's 100% emotionally blackmailing you. In my experience it always gets worse. Leave him and say he can have access and visits when the baby is here. Sorry, he sounds like an idiot and you're probably better off without him.

I was in a similar position to you 4 years ago. I eventually chose to leave after a lot of going backwards and forwards once the baby was born. I tried to force a half hearted relationship between my son and his dad (wish I hadnt but my own dad was dying at the time and I had this determination for my son to make sure he had a relationship with his dad). Worst thing I ever done. He didn’t love him, barely looked after him and because it meant he could still see me he was very controlling and manipulative. Eventually it fizzled out and my son Just seen his family rather than him but as soon as me and my new partner were having a baby my ex decided he wanted to be a dad , took me to court and I’ve had problems ever since.

I think what I’m trying to get at is men like him are selfish and I’d leave him but I’d be weary that he wouldn’t stick to no contact and could potentially try and be in and out your child’s life. I’d get advice on the matter to be on the safe side and again just be careful that he may decide to be in the child’s life for the wrong reasons.

Good luck with everything! X

What kind of dad would he be anyway if he feels like this now - that he's only interested in the baby if you come with it?
Bin him off the useless tosser and make plans to be a great mum to your baby without him.

Hi OP. My ex partner is leaving soon and I've about 13 weeks left of the pregnancy. In hindsight, he should've gone years ago but I had several reasons to let him stay and thought I was doing the right thing, but all for the sake of other people. I didn't consider myself or how depressed he has made me for so long. He can be quite manipulative at times and while I have feeling particularly vulnerable, he somehow always got one over on me.
We have said he is leaving by mid November at the latest, which to me is still too far away as I just want him gone, but I am so, so happy that I will be starting a new life. I'm looking forward to being 'Me' again.

My ex also wanted me to have an abortion, and at the end of that conversation, he said he didn't want another child with me and was hoping he could move on and have one with someone else. That's when I said I was happy to bring the child up alone with nothing from him but now he wants something to do with it. He's been horrid to me constantly, except this week when, until today, he has been exceptionally nice. I asked him why and he said he 'just wanted to be nice and had realised what he was losing'. I didn't fall for it and when he asked me Thursday night if he 'was still moving out', it became apparent that he just wanted to stay for his easy life a bit longer. I'm not falling for it. He's back to his old self today, which only confirms that he still has to go and his 'nice guy act' was simply that.
I'm going to be strong. I'm a good Mum and I will also raise this child with love. He isn't going to change. I didn't want this situation but it has happened and it is better for me to be a single and happy Mum, than one who has spent years depressed and continues to be.
Your partner sounds like he can be manipulative and as others have said, is emotionally blackmailing you. You can be strong and walk away.

Don't like the ultimatum. Making it work will not be a lifetime effort from both of you, not just a phase now (as with every relationship, not just yours, but may be more of an effort if you're in a difficult relationship already now)
If he leaves and remains uncontactable, that's HIS choice, not yours. He's pretending to give you a choice there, but it's just to shake off the blame!
Don't stick with him for the baby's sake if it'll cause you unhappiness.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

I want to thank everyone for their support on here and taking your time to comment. I took everything on board, and after some hard thinking and a couple of counselling sessions, I have left him! It was indeed not a healthy relationship and now I can focus properly on my pregnancy :)

My dad did this to my mum, made escalating demands if she wanted him in his daughter's life. She left him. It was the right decision.
He had some involvement in my life until I was 6, at which point he went nc to punish her.