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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

In need of advice please!

3 replies

Fieryjalepeno · 18/10/2019 16:32

Hi everyone,

I signed up because I need unbiased advice about my situation.

A couple days ago I made the decision to end a relationship because he had some worryingly possessive and obsessive traits... Such as accusing me of looking for male attention just because I went to the bar to get a drink and the bar tender was a male. How terrible. But anyway, other than those traits of extreme jealousy and possessiveness he really is a very good boyfriend. But his track record is not good. He is currently separated, and has 3 children with her. He hasn't seen them (his excuse is it's because she has a protection order against him) and to me, including when the last two were born (twins, and yes unfortunately I was with him when it happened) he never really seemed to care that much. I would have thought he should have been doing a lot more if he cared enough.

Getting to the point... Low and behold, I found out yesterday I'm pregnant. I am 23 years old, had a very tough life from about 11 on. I have big aspirations to travel and work in various clubs. I was working in a club when I met him. I had those very same goals when met. Then they kind of went out the window for a while and came back. Then I find out I'm pregnant. My goals involve two week stretches in different countries, working nights.

I was also pregnant at 17 and had a termination as I felt much to immature to have a child and I didn't want to be with that child's dad forever. I'm glad of the decision, it was right for me at the time but I can't deny it haunted me for two years after.

My heart is telling me to have this baby, but my head is telling me to not. I'm so stuck between the two... Please no judgement...

I'm really alone , I have no girl friends...and I have been fighting depression with years...
I'm just 3 weeks gone so it is early, Im just so confused. Also he knows and says he supports any decision I make, but he would rather I had the baby. He's not keen on termination. Girls please help me, what would you do ?? I have and always have had a very strong mother instinct but I'm also trying to make a decision that I will regret the least. My biggest fear is living with regret, and I worry I will regret not living my life first, and then I worry I will regret not having the baby...

OP posts:
Mummylanie3 · 18/10/2019 16:49

This choice is completely up to you many women have children and go on to have successfull careers. I had my son at 17 and spent most of the next year traveling round Greece with him. We can all say what we would it wouldn't do but deep down you have to do what's right for you go with your gut and your heart and everything will work out. I hope you manage to make a decision for yourself x

RoLaren · 18/10/2019 17:02

If you have this baby SS will be interested due to the protection order. The way you describe his behaviour is very worrying, he wants you to have this baby so you'll be tied to him. You deserve more than to be tied to him and his problems. I pray you'll realise that x

LH1987 · 18/10/2019 17:48

Hi @Fieryjalepeno, only you can make this choice. However, as was already said, having a baby doesn't mean you can't follow your career aspirations. Also, if you are concerned with lack of support and girlfriends, there will be loads of clubs and support groups you can join as well as NCT classes that will be a great opportunity to make some friends. Maybe this is an opportunity to get involved with other people in similar situations.

Good luck with your decision.

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