Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

awful midwife?

6 replies

Hopex3 · 18/10/2019 10:42

hi all,

just back from 34 week appointment with my midwife. I had an episode in hospital this week for reduced movements and also a growth scan as it is standard procedure where I live for movement issues. she was found to be a little on the small side in comparison to the previous scan.

the lady I saw at the day unit really was awful - undermined everything the other nurses said, made me feel like I was wasting her time, kept saying she wasnt even sure why they were repeating the growth scan as her size hadnt dropped off 'that much' and was perfectly normal, said the others had given me too much information last time and I should of been left bla bla. anyway come to today my usual midwife very apologetically said she had been given a note from this woman and it said to check I wasnt being abused/my home life as I appeared anxious (it is a well known fact I suffer with anxiety, I've had cbt for it and everything lol) and because I presented wearing trackies (I'm nearly 8 months pregnant they are one of the only things I find comfy atm) and because I'd had a skin breakout that day on my chin (again I do suffer with spots occasionally) that these were all things she was particularly concerned by. I'm actually really quite shocked, not only have I found it very upsetting that she has used my anxiety and the fact I was not dolled up (why would you be when going in for scans/CBT etc.) against me but it has now also made me feel shit in terms of I dont want to go to the hospital again now. mg midwife said I cannot think like that and I must request just to have nothing to do with her and that "between you and me you are not the first person to have issues with her" I was just wondering how to handle this or well I suppose just to have a bit of a rant as I'm quite upset. I've had enough stress in this pregnancy as it is and this on top :/ has made me feel paranoid about my appearance and that my anxiety is something I have put on for affect essentially ah x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CoffeeAndCarbs · 18/10/2019 10:59

I know it's easier said than done but do exactly as your midwife suggests, ignore her and request that you don't deal with her again.
Try not to dwell on it too much, there's always one rotton apple and unfortunately, you had the displeasure of meeting her.
Sorry you had to deal with that x

Hopex3 · 18/10/2019 11:01

I just feel really paranoid now, and feel for my partner as it makes me feel like are they now gonna be looking at him like hes an abuser? Confused I'm gonna try not to let it bother me and more importantly not put me off going to the hospital again x

OP posts:
MummyBear405 · 18/10/2019 11:03

Hey OP I'm so sorry you went through that, she does sound totally awful!

Firstly sometimes having a rant and getting it off your chest helps so hopefully getting out in the open has taken the weight off a little Smile. Secondly I totally agree with your midwife, you should complain about this woman because the more people that mention her behaviour the more inclined the hospital will be to address it and hopefully stop anyone else in your position being subjected to this!

As far as your appearance goes ... screw her! You are a goddess, you're creating life for christ's sake! If you feel comfortable in trackies and no make up then go for it! I'm only 25 weeks but I am fully expecting to be turning up to work in pjs in the run up to Christmas (and my mat leave) and honestly if anyone comes at me about it ... they're going to wish they hadn't! Wink

Being pregnant is so hard and I honestly don't know anyone who would have thought what she thought after seeing a heavily pregnant lady in trackies ... seriously what century is she from??

I don't know you but I can tell from this that you're doing your absolute best for you and your baby despite all the ups and downs, that's something to be proud of. You be you and sod what anyone else thinks Grin xxx

Tableclothing · 18/10/2019 11:04

Are you in the UK? If so, talk to PALS. The other midwife's comment about you "not being the first" to have a problem with her but also advising you to try not to think about it makes me wonder if it could be one of those situations where the midwife is upsetting lots of people but because no one ever makes an official complaint nothing ever gets done about it.

snowflakeeel · 18/10/2019 11:09

They won't be looking at him like an abuser. Like CoffeeAndCarbs said, there is always one rotten apple. Wear what you feel comfortable in and absolutely ignore unkind remarks. Anxiety will be heightened in pregnancy as so many changes are happening with your body. Do something nice for yourself to see if you can take your mind off it. And if you feel like you have reduced movements again, don't let her comments make you second guess your own judgement. x

Hopex3 · 18/10/2019 11:28

thanks all - my midwife said as well if she had any real concerns she should of mentioned it me herself on the day as if she honestly thought I was being abused and had serious red flags she has a duty of care. sounds like she is just hateful. I am going to just try not to let it upset me and request not to have her if I do have to go in again. i knew she was a bit funny even on the day just as she was so so undermining of the other midwives as if they did not know what they were talking about x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread