Guilt about Cancelling Plans

[QS88]

Hi all, I just found out last week that I am pregnant! I am so happy, not least because we'd been trying a long time. However, I am supposed to be travelling to stay with my parents going to a spa with my mum and sister in law for mum's birthday over the weekend. Of course I can't use any of the spa facilities as the pools and rooms are too hot. I don't want to disapoint my family as they live the other side of the country and we had all been looking forward to this. On the other hand I am really not ready to tell them yet, in case something happens and I lose the baby. My mum will definately realise what is happening if I stay with her. So is it okay to lie and say I am ill? I feel terrible doing it, but can't think of a way around it. Is this a white lie? Any thoughts are appreciated.

Hi OP, I don't think you need to feel guilty if you don't want to go and I think saying you are unwell is a white lie. However, I think there are lots of spa facilities such as the pool or getting a head massage / manicure that you could do. You probably think your mom would instantly know but unless you are very very visibly morning sick etc I don't think it is that obvious. That is only my opinion though!

Congrats on your good news aswell :)

If it's a big spa with lots of facilities there will definitely be stuff you can do in early pregnancy. Just tell them you are a bit hungover and so don't want to go in the sauna. :)

Wouldn’t you want your mums support if you anything did happen to baby? I’ve always told my mum about my pregnancies right off the bat as I’ve just needed her motherly-ness during pregnancy & after birth as well. She’s been such a huge support both pregnancies & I love hearing her own experiences etc! I know if anything bad had happened, I’d have 100% needed a mum cuddle & her support!

If you really don’t want to consider telling her, I don’t see any harm in saying you’ve had a stomach bug and are still suffering with an upset tum perhaps? That’s an understandable reason to not go to a public spa! Or say you are feeling nauseous & don’t fancy the heat of the sauna/hot tub? There tends to be things like relaxation, lightly heated rooms that would totally fine! And a pool maybe? Or if you want to cancel on the spa, you could still visit and keep popping to the loo 😂

There’s usually still plenty you can do at a spa - give them a call beforehand and find out. Then if you’re still not happy I’d say you are poorly like you’re planning.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I don't think you should cancel, not least because if something does happen then you'll be doubly upset because you missed celebrating your mum's birthday.
As others have said, there's lots you can do like manicures/facials/foot massages that are safe in early pregnancy. You can just say you don't fancy being in the steam room/sauna so would rather do other things.

Congratulations!

For my first pregnancy, I told my parents at 9 weeks (without early scan), and just asked them to not tell anyone else until after the first scan. I think I would've liked their support if something had gone wrong.

Think about it, it'd be a great birthday surprise/present for your mum, possibly better than the entire spa experience :D ... !

I had to cancel plans to visit close family and my recently widowed cousin at 6 weeks because I had cramping and thought I was going to miscarry again. I was going to drive my mum there too who is too ill to travel that far on her own. I did feel guilty but know they will understand when I explain why - in fact they'll be over the moon as we had been trying for years too.

Dont cancel your plans and if you dont want to tell them then dont. Say your on antibiotics for an ear infections or sometbing so cant go in jacuzzi/get ears wet as others have said you can still get other treatments done. You could even phone the spa before you go and ask them what is safe for you to do there whilst pregnant just to put your mind at ease too xx