He tells his mother everything

[PrincessMarm]

Hi, just wondering if I am being unreasonable here.

I did a clearblue test and found out I was 2-3 weeks pregnant, I asked my OH to keep it a secret until we at least had the booking appointment. He did not. He told his family straight away (they are a large Italian family). We discussed names and I asked him to keep them to himself, he told his parents and subsequently his whole family knew; and his cousin (who is also trying) now wants the same boy name. We have the anomaly scan on Monday and even though I have previously asked him, he said he won't keep it a secret between the two of us (just for a while), and said everything was about me and I was selfish for suggesting such a thing. The thing is he has been texting his mother counting down the days until the scan, getting all excited etc. But hasn't with me; when I asked him why, he said it was because i wasn't excited! Well, because I feel like I am a surrogate for a baby for his family and I'm being left out of the loop. He said 'good for you' when I said I'm carrying the baby, so surely I get some say. Isn't it supposed to be a magical time? I just feel stressed and that I am looking in on him getting excited and the fact I am carrying the baby and will give birth means nothing. Am I begin selfish by wanting to keep something just between us, even if just for a bit?

Leave him now! He has absolutely no respect for you and his relationship with his mother is more important to him than his relationship with you.

This sounds fucking horrendous OP. He has no respect for you at all, it just seems like you’re the vessel carrying this baby and he doesn’t give a shit about you.

He’s just decided his parents are staying in your one bedroom flat has he? Wtf?? Where do you come into any of this? Where are they going to sleep? What about where will you rest when you’re trying to establish breastfeeding (if you are), when you’re exhausted and still bleeding.

I can see them hanging around at the hospital and grabbing the baby out your hands at the first opportunity and when you’re at home.

You’ve got major DP issues here. He has no respect for you at all. Move out.

Where do they live? Here or abroad? Be very careful about any plans to move to Italy to live there as you need to make sure that residency is where you live. Can you suggest that you get an Air B&B for them when they come over. Or that it is traditional to go and stay with your mother for the first few years weeks.

If you get on with your mother.

@GrumpyHoonMain I asked him to keep them to himself, he told his parents and subsequently his whole family knew; and his cousin (who is also trying) now wants the same boy name. We have the anomaly scan on Monday and even though I have previously asked him, he said he won't keep it a secret between the two of us

And where is he considering the OPs feelings in this?!

Where are his parents going to stay in your 1 bed flat?! No, NO and ducking NOPE!

You will be straight after giving birth be it natural or c section, you might be in a lot of pain, uncomfortable and needing time to recover (you might not depending on how you do) you might be establishing breastfeeding, not being able to walk properly and most of all OP you will be exhausted.

The last thing I wanted was for someone hovering around me seeing me in that state and disrupting my precious baby cuddles and bonding time, trying to pluck the baby out of my hands and generally in my safe haven (I.e. My home). Don't let them ruin this for you OP please.

Since before getting pregnant I have been made to feel like a uterus on legs from my MIL, even my mum can see from the outside that my MIL makes it come across that I am just here to produce her grandchild so I totally sympathise with you OP.

It has caused no end of rows between me and my husband and so one of the agreements we have come to is to keep our name a secret from everyone until baby is here, but it did take a lot of discussion (and arguments) until he finally saw my view.

Stand your ground, because I'm sorry it is your uterus and your body and until baby is born, you are the only parent it knows.

Just be open with him about it all, and keep communication open, even if he doesn't like what he's hearing.

I’m not usually a LTB person, but I’d be seriously considering this relationship OP.
Is he aware that you could terminate this pregnancy without even telling him? Not that you would, but emphasising that it’s your body and your choices and the baby is absolutely nothing to do with him until he’s on the birth certificate?
I would definitely give the baby your surname when you register the birth and consider very, very carefully if he’s going to be signing it too.
Good luck to you!