Petrified of becoming a young mum

[LL308]

I feel really guilty saying this but I think I could probably do with some reassurance.

I am 24 and pregnant with my first, I was excited at the beginning and I know what I am about to say will sound so unbelievably selfish, childish and pathetic but I can’t help but think, is my life going to be... over now? No more holidays, no more blowing last months wages on a shopping spree up town! No more work (at least for a long time any way), no more wages... I suppose money is my biggest worry but also giving up my freedom is what is scaring me.

Because of my age all I have heard over the past couple of months is ‘your life will completely change’ ‘you might feel lonely’ ‘say goodbye to your career’

All negative stuff. Which has really effected me.

I haven’t really spoken to any other young mums before, well.. I know a couple but tbh i’m not much a maternal person and their children do not interest me in the absolute slightest. Then I start to worry if I will bond with my own child :(

I had my first at 20 and by 29 had four children. I wouldn't have had it any other way and I wanted children young as that was my priority, but my life did change. You just adapt though. You can still do stuff for you though, just has to be planned and factored in.

I thought you were going to say you were 15! 24 is not that young to become a mum.
Are you with the baby’s father? If so surely he will support you financially?
And yes, it’s a big life change.

Hey,

I'm 24 and had my baby this year (when I was 23).

It's true - your life does change. But it's SO much for the better.
Yes, things do stop being about you. You have to prioritise LO above everything else, especially in the early days. But it doesn't matter. Your view on everything will change too.

Me and DP went to a 'no kids' wedding when LO was 10 weeks old. She stayed with her GPs so we could have had a massive blowout if we wanted to. We didn't. We FaceTimed twice and left the wedding at 11 to go back to the hotel (partly because we were bloody exhausted).

It's tough, really tough. But for me the good outweighs the bad. My baby is the most important thing in this world to me now and the sacrifices don't matter.

If you want to ever talk, or feel worried, pm me x

Hi op, i am similar to you, my little girl is going to be 1 on sunday! I was never interested in other children either and has worried in my pregnancy a bit that my life would be awful etc...

But i can honestly say, its entirely different when you have your own child! Something inside you just clicks and you would do anything for them. For me, that made it all worthwhile. Also my life isnt as free as before obviously, but i cant say im not enjoying my life, and i still work just 2 days a week instead... its harder with a baby but just enjoy them because they grow up so fast!! X

Life will change but you will find joy in different things and the holidays and work will return eventually. There are loads of groups to attend with babies and toddlers and you will make other friends there with children hopefully so loneliness hopefully won't be a thing. Are you going to be a single parent or is there a partner in the picture?

24 isn't young, it's a normal age to have a child. I was 25 and it's a good age ... and the good news is you are no old when they are grown up!

I had my first at 17 and life did change but I am 32 now and just been to rome with friends so you do get the time back in the end :-) I definitely coped with lack of sleep better back then.

I had my 1st at 24 and I didn't feel young. The issues around your life totally changing or feeling lonely or career issues are things women face at any age becoming parents.

With regards to money I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd and realise how much unnecessary money I spent on things I thought I needed. And it can't be tough at times. But I'd budget, ask myself if I really need something or do I just think I do? They grow so fast. Your life doesn't stop your priorities just shift. No reason you can't have a holiday. You might decide to leave baby with grandparents or you might feel like you can't and your holidays are now alot more family orientated. You might be surprised by how much you change.

I went to anti natal classes and 6 years later still have a group of mum friends at varied ages from there. We supported each other when they were little. And now they are in school we see less of each other but still keep in touch and meet up. Go to groups and get out the house.

Your whole life does change but in the best way. You have this tiny person at the centre of your whole world and yeah it can be difficult at times. But I wouldn't change any of it. It's goes by so quick. And if your having a tough time at any point it will pass. There are ups and downs as with anything.

And your career is harder. You have to make decisions based on what you want long term. Some employers are amazing. Some are not. And sometimes mums can't wait to go back to work and sometimes they dread it or decide not to. Nothing wrong with whatever you decide. You just make the right decision for your family.

You will be absolutely fine. People judge mums all the time on all sorts of things and it's one of the hardest things to deal with I find. I just smile now and let it wash over me but at 24 I think I let it bother me too much. You'll be fine.

I was 25 when I had my DD but had been ttc since i was 23!

I wish I had her earlier- I had a good job prior to going off in finance and returned to work 3 days in a slightly less senior role

Shes now nearly 4 and I have progressed to Senior Leadership in my organisation so career isnt necessary over!!

Holidays- we have been away every year since DC born but the holidays have changed- but Dh and I have a few childfree weekends away a year

Perception of life shifts and you do bond and love your baby and tbh I never felt lonely because I didnt like the people I met at mums and tots

Why can’t you work? Plenty of people have children and work.

I think at 24 you might be younger than some mums - but only just really. Most I know are anywhere between 23 and 35 (I was 26) so I don’t think it makes you a ‘young mum’ - I would class a ‘young mum’ as in her late teens or very early twenties. Life does change - but not for the worse, it’s just different and you will adjust and hopefully find a lot of enjoyment. And I wouldn’t worry at all about not being interested in little children - I was never that fussed about other people’s babies or toddlers but I love mine to bits and think he’s the best thing ever (biased obviously ) so it’s a completely different thing.

If you want a career don’t give up work. Take the year maternity leave and go back. You may not want to push on for promotion for a few years but if you keep your hand in you can progress again when your child is older. You may not believe it but It’s much easier to get flexible or pt hours in a job you’re already in than find a new job that suits after years of time off.
You can always give up work later if you want to but for now don’t make that decision.
Personally I loved going back to work 3-4days when my son was little and he loved nursery.

You aren’t that young. Mid 20s is a great age to become a mum. You should have started a career and had a decent amount of life experiences (study, travel, relationships).
I don’t recommended giving up work for too long though.

I had my first at 23 and was single. I worked part time, studied part time and by the time DS was in school I went full time. I didn't go out on lots of nights out (maybe a couple a year) but still treated myself as I was good with money and worked hard to get myself into a good financial position so I didn't have to scrape by. Enjoy your new chapter

You don't have to give up work and having holidays

How you feel about other children is completely different to having your own

I was 21 when I had DD and all anyone ever told me was am I ready to never have a good nights sleep again or am I ready to give up my freedom? It's all complete bollocks and frankly quite irritating. DD is now 2 and 100% the best thing that has ever happened to me. I agree with PP that the good outweighs any of the "bad". Yes you have to plan your free time but by no means is your life over when you have a child, your priorities just change.

I was 21 with my first and I felt like a young mum. I was always sensible and wanted a career etc I was scared about everything money where I'd live if I could do it.
She's 9 now and I'm not with her dad. He was useless been with my partner for 6 years and I have definitely had a life! It gets better. Im 18 weeks with my 2nd now and 31 and I still have people telling me it's all going to change and I'll have no life! You'd think I'm chopping off my arm. But I'm not worried. The hard part always passes.