I don't feel connected - but I do feel terrible!

[Peachy95]

Pretty reluctant to write this because I feel awful. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and I don't feel connected to my unborn daughter.

When I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon and so excited! At our first scan I cried because I couldn't believe that was our little baby.

At our 20 week scan I was so happy our baby was healthy and felt emotional at seeing her again. But in day today life I don't really feel connected, in some ways I feel like I have been pregnant forever, but other times I'm not really conscious that I am pregnant, I can't really describe it but it doesn't feel the way I think I should if that makes any sense? I feel like I could be carrying a water bottle around because I just don't feel like I have that emotional connection yet.

I felt quite isolated since finding out I was pregnant as people I was friends with stopped inviting me to things and I've hardly had any kind of social life. Also for the past few weeks I have had terrible anxiety which isn't helped by me worrying I'm not connected enough with my daughter and I'm terrified I wont be a good mum.

Is this normal or should I speak to my midwife? I haven't even said anything to my OH yet.
Any tips on how to ease anxiety?

This is normal. Does anyone feel totally connected until they see the baby? I certainly don't!

Talk to your midwife about the anxiety though so they can support you with that :)

Definitely get advice about your anxiety, that's probably what is making you dwell on this.

I think some people just process things differently. Personally, when I was pregnant I felt the same as you - and I didn't even have the same emotions on seeing the scan either. It didn't mean I wasn't excited to be having a baby when I thought about it. I was just getting on with it and doing what had to be done. I didn't have that moment of rushing love and emotion and tears when DD was born either. It was more like 'you're here, hello! Wow!' It all came though, and me and DD are extremely connected and always have been.

You are honestly fine and completely normal

I'd speak to the midwife about your anxiety though I honestly wouldn't worry about feeling connected to the baby yet.

I'm nearly 32 weeks now and I largely forget I'm pregnant until I move and something hurts. I can wake up, sit in bed and look on my phone, have a drink and then think - oh yeah, I'm pregnant!

At the moment, the odd kick is a reminder that she's in there. And I remember just starting to get kicks around 20 weeks. For the first month or so, I found them very irritating truth be told.

Remember, there's no way you're supposed to feel or meant to feel. Don't read gushing forum posts and social media posts and think that's how you're meant to feel. We're all different and process emotions differently.

I just take it all in my stride and am very matter of fact about things. I'm not worrying too much about how I'm meant to feel. There's a baby in me. I'll push her out in 8 weeks. I am sure she'll be my world and I'll love her. I'm told I'll love her more than my dogs when she's here! And that's that 😆

I'm 37 weeks and still don't feel much emotion towards my baby. It's difficult to imagine him being here, and difficult to conjure up any great love for someone you've never met or even seen. I feel a sense of responsibility towards him in terms of trying to keep him safe whilst in utero and making sure he'll be well cared for when he's born (e.g. I chose not to drink in pregnancy, and I researched the safe sleep advice before shopping for a cot), and today when I packed his things into my hospital bag I did feel a little wave of affection for him, knowing that he'd be wearing them soon. But for the most part I've felt quite matter of fact about the whole thing.
As per PP above, everyone's different and there's no right or wrong way to feel. My midwife told me, "Some people fall in love with their baby when they see the positive pregnancy test, some when they feel the first kick, some when they hold the baby for the first time, some when the baby smiles at them 6 weeks later. There's no 'normal'." Also, it's very difficult to maintain a state of constant excitement or intense connection for 40 weeks! There'll naturally be periods when you feel more / less excited or connected.

Are you anxious about your parenting skills primarily because you dont feel connected to the baby, or are there other things you're concerned about?

This is normal. I was anxious from my BFP right up to 30 weeks. It’s only recently that I have started to feel somewhat connected to the baby

You are quite normal, Peachy.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, you'll have a lovely little girl.

I didn't feel connected until mine was at least 2
months old and now I couldn't be more obsessed.

Bonds take time to build. The rush of love and bonding with pregnancy give unrealistic expectations. Not to say they don't happen, just that the absence of them doesn't make you a bad mum, just a human.

Hey! Don’t worry - this is completely normal. I did not feel connected till probably 26-27 weeks when the kicks got much more stronger (although started feeling movements since 18 weeks!)
Some of my friends were telling me to talk to the baby - but it really sounded very unnatural to me. But now I’m actually talking to the bump!
Take your time - there is no right or wrong here, you might not feel any connection whatsoever till the baby is born - and it is completely normal at all.

I'm 20 weeks, first pregnancy. I do feel like I love the idea of a baby and want to have one. But when I look at my belly and try and imagine a baby is in there it sort of doesn't really compute. It's like my brain can't actually believe it (and im even feeling kicks now). Sometimes I think that I might just be imagining it all. So in that sense I don't feel connected to a real baby, just the general idea of a baby. This might be different to how you feel but is just to show that people feel quite different and it's a lot to get your head around!

Thanks so much for all the replies! Reading them has honestly made me feel so much better. I've always had anxiety which has been manageable but being pregnant I feel it can go up and down sometimes and the past few weeks its been quite bad mostly due to my OH ex wife popping back up and trying to stir trouble, which is drama I do not need right now!

The anxiety didn't help that I was already wondering if I should have bonded with my baby by now but I feel so much better reading I'm not the only who feels like this, I have no doubt I will have a connection with her when she is born but for the time being I think I just wanna get on with it.

Feeling a lot better today so thank you for your replies!