20 weeks and not bonding

[Lcw29]

Its my second pregnancy and I'm finding it really hard to bond with this baby. I feel guilty as we planned him and I love our other little boy. I just dont know why I'm feeling this way. I'm dreading the birth due to PTSD past time. I'm going to talk to a midwife soon but I feel I'm being really awful for feeling this way. I dont know what to do. I cant even say it to my husband as I feel guilty.

I had only found out I was pregnant with Dd2 @20wks. I was in total shock and couldn't imagine having a baby. At 7mths pregnant with dd2 I suffered a bereavement when dd1 died.
I was in denial for the rest of my pregnancy I can remember telling the midwife I didn't want to hold the baby when it was born😐.
My Labour was very quick and when she was born I nearly knocked the midwife on her arse to get to dd.
Talk to your husband and midwife. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Take Care of yourself.

I think what you're feeling is quite normal. I didn't bond with my baby while pregnant as I hadn't actually met him yet so I couldn't 'love' him. Also, I had such an awful pregancy that, at times, I even felt resentful

When he was born, I didn't feel that rush of love that some women feel. My main thought was that he looked nothing like me or DH! However, I knew from MN that it was quite common not to feel love straight away. 3 or 4 days later I completely fell in love with him and felt guilty for not loving him the first few days. But that was just the baby blues and deep down I knew that it was perfectly normal to get to know your little one before loving them.

I was terrified about the birth too until I bought the Positive Birth Company digital pack and, after doing the course, I spent the last few months looking forward to it! I'd recommend it.

@ParkheadParadise I'm so sorry for your loss.

Op I felt similar with number 2, particularly as I wanted a girl and had found out at 16 weeks that baby was a second son. I just couldn't imagine loving another baby as much my first (who was still only 1 so seemed so little).

As it happened once he was here I fell in love with him, he was just a delight from day 1 (quickly easy labour, chilled, slept well, breastfed like a dream).

You'll be fine ok, try not to dwell.

Do talk to your midwife, but a bond with your bump doesn't necessarily translate to a bond with your baby anyway. I did bond very well with my bump in my first pregnancy, but when DD arrived, I didn't feel any more strongly about her than any other baby (at first, at least - I utterly adore her now, obviously!) I did, however, miss the baby in my tummy - I struggled to accept that they were actually one and the same. I think bonding with the bump is overrated.

Hi, I struggled with the same at around 20w (this baby came after 6y of TTC and multiple loses so I guess I was trying to protect myselg by not bonding). A friend, who is a therapist, advised me to find an activity for me and the baby - singing in the evening, reading her a story... As silly as it may sound - it worked. I started by going to the bookstore and picking a book for my little girl and then I'd read her a story every night before sleep. Doesn't hurt to try.