What to expect from Midwife/Experience with a Doula?

[ts525]

Hello!

To give some background, I'm from the US and have lived in London for 2 years and so far had good experience with the NHS.

I'm 27 weeks + 3 days and giving birth at UCLH, but I have a community midwife and have all my appointments with the same midwife

So far have met with my midwife 2x -- and I don't really feel like we have gelled.

I don't know if my expectations are incorrect - but I thought I would bond with my midwife and feel super-comfortable with them. And that's not really been the case.

In our past two meetings he has mentioned homebirth which I told him I'm not interested, sort of "shamed" me for saying I would be happy to have an epidural and then sort of tried to make me feel guilty about paying for NCT courses vs. doing free NHS ones.

I know it's relatively early in the process (and also I'm lucky enough that my pregnancy is relatively uninteresting) but I'm starting to get scared that I won't feel supported/looked after when I'm actually giving birth.

Because of this, I am thinking of hiring a Doula.

So, a few Qs...

1. Is this a normal experience to have with a midwife? Am I expecting too much too soon that I want someone I really can build a bond with?

2. Does anyone here have experience with using a Doula (specifically at UCLH)? How was it? Is there tension between the Doula and the midwives? Would I be able to have my husband, mom (if she can make it from the US on time), and doula in the delivery with me?

Thanks!!

I don’t have experience but am watching (and bumping!) as due to past experiences I might like to hire a doula.

From my experience you see your community midwife but she's not with you for the birth just whoever happens to be on duty in the labour ward or birthing centre at the time. I'm not in London tho

Both my labours have been fantastic experiences full of very supportive wonderful midwives. I had induction both times on a labour ward. With my DS2 last year the midwife with me at the start of induction went home after a shift change and then came back as emergency cover (short staffed!) and specifically asked to be a assigned to me which I thought was lovely and very supportive

In my area you can only have 2 people with you for delivery so it's worth checking your hospitals rules. It may be that you have to choose between husband and mum + duola

I'm not sure you need to bond with the community midwife? (I didn't.)
I had a community midwife in my first pregnancy and it was always understood that she wouldn't be at hospital for the birth, so I never minded - she was alright but no bond! I ended up with a lovely one for my birth.

When you give birth it'll likely / definitely be a different MW so I wouldn't be concerned too much - or in other words, even if your community midwife was super supportive and you had a real bond going on - who knows who your midwife at birth would be!

No experience of doulas, hope someone else will help!

Your community midwife won’t be delivering your baby. In our area they do attend home births and only do so many shifts a year on the labour ward to retain their skills or if the labour ward has a shortage of staff due to illness.

IME, hire a doula if you can afford it. MW are not your friends, so having someone on your side, supporting you is worth every penny. You have already experienced a judgmental and unsupportive MW, so you really don't want anyone displaying that sort of attitude when you are vulnerable in labour. Good luck.

...also IME, MW don't like doulas. Remember, it's about you and your birth. If you don't like your MW when you get to the hospital, you can ask for a different one. For example, if you are unhappy with a male MW when you are in labour, you can say no. Don't be afraid to speak your mind or ask the doula to speak for you.

I'm a little ahead of you (33 weeks) and we've hired a doula. It was actually suggested to us by a couple of different midwives, so it probably depends on the person whether a particular midwife has issues with doulas. I'm not London based but where I am it's 2 birth partners allowed, one if it's a Caesarean (though our doula said that she can usually get into recovery afterwards to assist with breastfeeding as they don't have midwives available for that purpose).

Doulas are there to support you and your birth partner and although they can't advocate for you, they can remind the caregivers what you've stated in your birth preferences which should take the pressure off you when you're in the middle of labour.

Good luck OP 🤞

The community team only attend home births, so you won't see your community midwife during a hospital birth. I used a doula and had planned to give birth at home, but actually went overdue and had my whole labour in hospital. We used a doula to support both my partner and I. It was fantastic - she was such a calm influence and fitted in really well with hospital staff. She was always calm and helpful and communicative. It was particularly helpful in earlier labour before the hospital team felt I needed 1:1 care. I am pregnant with my second and we plan to use a doula again. So worth the time and money - particularly when your family is far away (my family are also abroad).

You don’t really need to ‘bond’ with your community midwife imo. They won’t attend your birth (unless you are lucky enough to be under a caseloading team).

There is usually a limit of two birth partners.

Thanks all for your help -- I think I will go for a doula! Please let me know if you have any recs for Doulas in the Islington area :)

@ts525 can't recommend anyone near you but if you look at the Doula UK website and stick in your location, it'll list all those that cover your area. My advice would be to read through their profiles, list any you like the sound of, and then contact those. You want to speak to several before you make your decision. Good luck 👍