4wks pregnant but boyfriend isn't happy

[teaandtoast00]

My boyfriend have been TTC but not actively so - so no contraception but no tracking ovulation etc either. We said that if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't.
I got my BFP this week and I'm around 4.5 weeks at the moment. I was happy (and shocked), but he wasn't happy at all. He wanted me to go down the termination route, which confused me, because if he didn't want me to get pregnant, then contraception was always an option! I thought we were on the same page :(
I originally gave in and said we'd terminate, but I naturally got quite upset, and I think he realised just how much it would hurt me. So he said we would give it a go. I've tried to talk to him to make sure he's ok with it, and he says he's happy, but I can't shake this niggling thought that he's not and he will resent me for it.

Side-note, he spoke to his friend (who has kids) about me getting pregnant, I only know this because he was sat next to me and I glanced over, seeing part of their conversation. I asked if he had told anyone, and he denied it until I said I knew he had. I feel like this friend knows more about how he feels than I do.

I'm excited and so I have been looking online at baby things, and I tried to buy a pregnancy book the other day, but he told me that it was way too early and that I shouldn't do any of that until we are past the 12 week mark. I know he doesn't want me to get my hopes up incase of a MC... but I don't know. That combined with everything else...

Feel free to say I'm being hormonal and overthinking, I probably am! I just don't feel able to be happy / excited about it now, and I'm so scared he doesn't want this. I'm still considering termination just so I know I'm not pushing him into anything - it would be so upsetting but I don't know what else to do.

Fuck that, you just said you’re getting excited ... then you said you’re still considering termination. For him?

How has he even explained himself for being unhappy when you both knew pregnancy could happen?

I'm afraid it sounds like hes going along with it for your sake I was kind of in a similar situation with my 1st pregnancy I told my then bf if he didn't want to be involved he could leave... he chose to stay and waited till I was nearly due to then start telling his dad and mum he wasnt happy and didn't know what he wanted... we stayed together till baby was 2half but he never really bonded with him at all tbh he clearly didn't want kids and stayed with me for the sake of it... of course not every situation is the same and he could just generally be a bit worried about it you need to sit down and have a proper conversation about it.
If you want to keep the baby then you need to decide If being with him is going to work.. xx

Abortion is such a huge decision that I don't think you can base it just on your boyfriend's current feelings towards the situation, particularly if he isn't really talking to you about it.

It sounds like you would be really badly affected by going ahead with the termination, and that could well be something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. If you decide to go ahead with it then you need to be comfortable with the decision and know that it's the best option for you, not just for your boyfriend.

Personally, I'd continue with the pregnancy and tell him he can stay or go but that won't affect the decision. Obviously you need to decide what's best for you though.

As far as buying a pregnancy book goes, if you want one then buy one! I can understand his reasoning but you'll just end up worrying about every little twinge if you don't know what to expect or what's normal so I would definitely buy one. In fact, I bought several before I even fell pregnant, but then, I like to be prepared!

Op I'm sorry but your bf is out of order. What did he think would happen not using protection? Keep the baby and if he doesn't like it tell him to leave

I’m in a similar situation. Maybe you’re bf is panicking. Earlier on I felt like I couldnt be excited or even talk about the baby without him becoming moody. Depends on the individual and how they cope with things. my bf is quiet and a deep thinker and I know he’s panicking about getting things ready, money etc. As the pregnancy has progressed, he’s started to be more accepting and open up a bit more.

It’s frustrating because it certainly takes away your excitement. I think if you had a termination for your partner, you would resent him for it.

Agree with what everyone has said so far. Just wanted to add that I was TTC but when it happened I was still very shocked and had a few days of thinking "crap, can I really do this, have I made a mistake and I won't manage, do we really have the money" etc. I had thought lots about having a baby but it felt different when it was real! I don't think your bf should pressurise you to terminate but he may be dealing with a lot of feelings and worries about it now it's real. He might just need to process things. Maybe it's a good thing he's talking to his friend with kids who can offer him some advice about what it's like. Really hope things go well for you.

My boyfriend have been TTC but not actively so - so no contraception but no tracking ovulation etc either. We said that if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't.

So it's happened! Many congratulations

He's being an absolute twat now going back on what you agreed.

You need to make a decision, I'm afraid. Do you want to continue with the relationship or not? Because it already sounds like this is a bit of a dead relationship. What a nasty turn of events from him

@teaandtoast00 congratulations! I’m sorry your partner isn’t happy despite you saying you were ttc. I really wouldn’t consider a termination because of him though either if you are happy about it.

I found out I was pregnant at just over 4 weeks. I’m now 28weeks! It’s flown by when I think back to that moment of finding out. My now ex said he was happy, then he wasn’t, then he was. I’m the end he’s walked away. So I shall be bringing up our son on my own. He asked me to terminate the pregnancy but I wholeheartedly knew that was never an option. I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it.

Big hugs 🤗 xx