The right time to baby?

[ToBabyOrNot]

Hi all

I'm 27 and have been married to my wonderful husband for 18 months. We always planned to start TTC in the beginning of 2020. He is 38 and sooo ready to be a dad. I, on the other hand, am freaking out.

We tick all the "are you ready boxes" - financially stable, steady relationship, established careers, have travel together, but I just don't feel ready. I feel so young. None of my friends or cousins (all between 27 -36) have had babies yet and at work most colleagues with babies are also 34+.

I know there are also a lot of reasons not to postpone. As it is, DH will probably be 40 by the time our first one arrives, and we'd like to have more than one. Risks also increase with paternal age. We might struggle with infertility etc.

Although he will be very disappointed, I know my husband would understand if I ask that we postpone our baby plan with another year, . I just don't know if that's the right thing to do? What if I don't feel more ready in a year's time? Should I just take the leap of faith now?

I know there is no right answer to this question, but an advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

I have no experience of this but I freaked out a bit when we decided to try but I think for me it was the fact that it was such a huge change and commitment and I was worried I wouldn't cope with it being so different. Currently nearly 20 weeks and so excited. I do think there is never a right time and you will most likely always have a worry or doubt (we were ready to try a year before we did but postponed because of moving I was so excited to start but when we actually did and it was the right time of the month I had panics. I suppose it depends on what your worry's are (why you don't feel ready) it could be the nerves of the thought of it or something deeper. It is completely up to you when you are ready and there's no definite answer. You could try and write down or think or the reasons causing you to feel not ready and seeif that helps? Talk the reasons through with your husband as well ☺️

Honestly as you are the younger partner and the one who is unsure your opinion is the one that counts. If you aren’t ready then you aren’t ready - don’t feel forced to start trying before you are because of your DH. 3-4 years won’t make any long term difference to any paternal risk factors, and you would still be classed as a young mum even if you did have fertility problems.

I don’t think there’s ever a right time.. we worked hard to be financially secure & our own house etc but otherwise, we picked an arbitrary date after a holiday! I spent ages debating if I wanted to wait to be married but in the end, decided that was less important than having a family. We will get married one day but I’m glad to have my children now.

I was 29 with my first and one of the first to have kids out of my friendship group! But then I went to NCT classes & baby classes and met lots of mums around my age and now I don’t feel unusual at all

I think it’s more about how you feel. A big part of parenthood will be on you, the pregnancy & early day’s in particular.. if you aren’t ready, that’s OK! I love being a mum so much, expecting no.2 in March but it is life changing. That said, don’t base your decision on other people not having kids yet. They might be trying but having problems, you just don’t know why people have had kids later.. There’s no right age. There are positives & negatives to different ages.