Hard to Imagine Baby Once I've Given Birth

[AbsolutelyCharlotte]

Hi all,

This might be a pretty random one but I'll explain the best I can.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, can't wait to meet our little one and getting more impatient each day. The trouble is, I can't imagine her being here once she's born. I don't know whether it's because we don't know what she'll look like or if my mind is trying to tell me something bad is going to happen.

I can imagine being in the hospital room, the water birth pool but can't for the life of me imagine our baby in my arms.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal? Has everything been ok? So far it's been a straightforward first pregnancy with no complications but I can't get my head around this.

Thanks everyone x

Hi @AbsolutelyCharlotte I am just approaching 34 weeks as well and know exactly what you mean. For me, it's made more difficult to imagine because we haven't found out what sex the baby is. I can barely imagine having a baby placed on me after birth let alone what they are going to look like!

I think it's quite normal and I don't think at all that this is your mind telling you anything. It's so hard to imagine a whole new person and it will just make that moment you do meet them even more special :) Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, not long now!

Thank you so much

Baby number 3 for me I'm only 24+5 but I cant imaging having a new born again lol. It's perfectly normal it comes with everything in life I suppose when something new is going to happen you cant quite imaging it until it happens. It doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen at all :) xx

I felt the exact same. Tried to get myself geared up by talking to dh about what he may look like but couldn’t visualise him at all. I’m not a very visual person though to be fair! When I first saw him it was very bizarre as I was not surprised at all by how he looked and just took it very matter of fact that it was obvious he would look the way he did

I couldn't imagine either of them being here, but I did, somehow, dream about my DD and what she'd look like. I was spot on, do didn't seem like a surprise when I looked at her.

DS on the other hand was a massive shock to the system in all regards. Seeing as he's now almost 2, having a newborn again doesn't seem so bad...

I'm 31 weeks and feel like I'm so far in denial about it all.

Can't even imagine going to my antinatal and hypnobirthing classes next month, never mind giving birth and rearing a child afterwards! I think it's cus it's SUCH a massive change.

Both times I was pretty shocked to have a baby after the pregnancy. I wasn’t anxious or nervous about it but I think I was so focused on the pregnancy and labour that I hadn’t really thought ahead much! I didn’t spend time trying to imagine a baby, there’s plenty of time to gaze and dream about them them they’ve arrived

Normal. It's hard if not impossible to really imagine having a baby until it happens. And you never really know what they are going to be like until they arrive.

Totally, totally normal. It's a huge new experience for you so of course it's hard to imagine! (And even when it's not the first baby, I still found it hard to imagine what the actual baby would be like.) Don't stress, it'll be fine.

I didn't think "I can't imagine having a baby" but I do get what you mean OP. Especially the last few weeks of pregnancy. I just didn't see it beyond the birth. So I wouldn't worry OP, it sounds normal. It goes the other way once baby is here, you cannot remember your life before 😁

Same! I’m 38+1 today, my baby is constantly pummelling the crap out of my insides and I’m surrounded by baby stuff, but at the moment it still feels like an abstract concept.

@EmAreSea that's a really good way of putting it - "abstract concept". It's like being told to rest up before the baby is here but you can't imagine what it will be like afterwards to really appreciate what it is like before!

I've been told over the hears "Laura has found out she's expecting" "Hannah has had her baby" but never really considered it as something that could happen to me. It feels incredibly strange that at some point in the next two months other people will be saying it about me.

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. It's nice to know that this is something normal to experience. Xx

I felt like this. Then when i saw my baby for the first time i felt like i'd known her my whole life.

I'm also 34 weeks and had this exact conversation with DH last night! Despite the fact I'm having her in 4 weeks and I can see her sticking her elbows and feet out of my stomach it's still not sunk in that 1. it's an actual baby in there and 2. I'm going to have to look after her forever!

And she's my third (although with a huge age gap!)

Oh totally normal. I had a 4D scan as I could not imagine my baby but even that didn’t hugely help. When they handed her too me, my first thought was ‘are they sure this is mine’ as she looks nothing like I expected 😂 I’m very fair, pale skinned and was a blonde child, as we my other half and I just assumed much the same. But she was really dark haired & tanned! She’s grown up to basically be a mini version of her dark haired, olive skin Nana!

I also remember waking up for a good couple weeks with a jolt of surprise at a baby crying next to me.. you spend so long preparing & buying all the baby equipment but can never really anticipate what it’s going to be like with a baby using them!

I'm on my third baby and have never really thought much about the actual baby before giving birth. I'm not a horrible person and I adore my children but I think our minds sometimes don't let us get too carried away as a self-preservation thing. It's quite normal I think. I've had too newborn babies and yet I still can't imagine having a newborn baby in the house again!

I’m due tomorrow and still can’t imagine what it’s going to be like having a baby, it feels so surreal 🙈

It's totally normal, and totally surreal. But once they're here, you just think - "Well, yeah. Of course this is how it is." I can't explain it - you can't imagine your baby, or life with them, but as soon as they arrive its just so obvious that this is what they're like, and it's absolutely right. Sorry that's a dreadful explanation!! You'll see what we mean!

My baby was an abstract concept until they plonked him on my chest. I adore him now he's out in the world, but really couldn't picture having a baby while I was pregnant, and definitely didn't have a bond with him before he was born.

I could have written this exactly myself.

How did it all go?

I had the same experience with my son I just could not fathom that there would be an actual baby born lol, I’m 19 weeks pregnant and feel the exact same way again!! I struggle to bond with baby during pregnancy as my mental health takes a turn for the worst maybe that’s why but once my son was put on my chest it just felt right xx

Hey,
without going into too many details, the birth was horrendous and completely the opposite to how I wanted it to be.
however, I have the most beautiful 3 (soon to be 4) year old and we have an amazing relationship.

it will all be okay, there’s something that just switches you into Mum mode 🩷 xx