MMC at 12 weeks, very tearful!

[emmalou19]

Hi,

Sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place but wasn't sure where to put it. Thought I was 12+5 with our first; had private scan at 8 weeks which showed heartbeat. 12 week scan today confirmed a missed miscarriage probably at around 10 weeks.

We got pregnant on our third try and I was excited and had started to make plans about our future etc. We had planned on visiting all our family this weekend to tell them the news, but instead I'm sat in my pants and a dressing gown staring into space and wondering how I should feel.

I'm back to hospital in the morning to discuss options. I don't want to pass it manually because I don't think I could cope with it, so I want to go down the surgical route but I'm terrified they'll make me wait and I just want it over and done with. I hadn't contemplated that this would happen to me and so I'm in shock. I want to be able to have a family and now I'm scared it's something I've done.

Sorry for the long and sad post, I suppose I'm just looking for someone who's been through it and out the other side x

I’m so so sorry for your loss. Time does heal, but not right now. There is no right way to feel, and your emotions will change from minute to minute. I’m so so sorry you are going through this - I’ve been there, and it’s shit xxxxx

This was me last year. Also had a great 8 week scan, and found out at our 12 week scan that baby has stopped developing around 10-11 weeks. Initially I wanted to manage it naturally so went home for 2 weeks, but I soon realised that I was terrified of it actually happening so went back a week later and said I wanted the surgery. I’m glad I did, as it was really straightforward.

However, I’d never had a general anaesthetic before so was really really scared and couldn’t stop crying. It was horrible because I was sat balling my eyes out with people waiting for knee ops, broken bones etc, christ knows what they thought! I don’t know if it’s just my local hospital that does it this way, but it would’ve been much nicer if it were with other people going through the same thing. I was out of hospital a few hours after the surgery, which only took 15-20 minutes. The bleeding stopped after 2 weeks and my cycle went back to normal.

Sorry you’re going through this

Be kind to yourself
Take time to grieve
Talk and talk some more.....so many women have been through it and I found it really helped to hear how others coped.
One much older friend told me "it feels like the bottom of your world falls out for a while"
Much love and prayers for your healing and for your future success

Hi OP so so sorry for your loss - I too suffered a MMC at exactly the same time as you 12+5, this was my 2nd miscarriage exactly one year to the day of my first 💔 .. I went to my scan blissfully unaware, assumed because I'd made it to this point without a huge bleed everything would be fine. To my heartache, we were told our baby had stopped developing at 9 weeks. I was sent home to decide what I wanted to do. I too couldn't cope with the thought of waiting for my body to realise the pregnancy was no longer viable, so I chose for the medical management - where a pill is inserted to contract the uterus where the pregnancy would pass. I done this however not all of the pregnancy came away so I was taken to theatre and had surgical management. Still completely heartbroken. After my first miscarriage I was so so desperate to conceive again and became completely obsessed with it, However after my second miscarriage, I couldn't deal with going through the process again and decided we would stop trying. I fell pregnant 3 months later, and even with an early bleed went on to have a healthy baby girl, who is now 4. I'm currently 27+4 with a little boy.

I can completely relate to how your feeling, even though you probably don't really know right now, I was so numb I couldn't explain my heartache to anyone I felt like I was the only person to suffer such heartbreak.
Please OP - don't blame yourself! I went down this route and it done me no favours! My consultant during my successful pregnancy assured me, it was nothing I would have caused and nothing that could have prevented the unfortunate outcome. I personally found no comfort in those words but now looking back, she was right, there are so many reasons to cause a miscarriage and I like to think now, my baby was just to precious for this world. Don't give up hope sending lots of hugs. Xx

I’ve been where you are and I promise you will be ok. Keep strong and positive, look after yourself. Your rainbow baby is coming x

So sorry for your loss. I had a MMC discovered at 10 weeks that stopped at 7. If it's any slight consolation, I passed it naturally before making it to my D&C date and it definitely wasn't as bad as I imagined. It felt like a heavy period and the bleeding was also manageable. I was expecting the pain to be a lot worse so I was "saving up" stronger painkillers to take later, but it turned out that the worst was already over and I never ended up needing them.

Emotionally it was tough and I felt very sad and tired for many days afterwards. Give yourself time to heal and take some days off work and cancel plans if at all possible. I found it difficult to be around other people since it felt like life was going along merrily for everyone else but I was stuck in limbo. I recommend reading about the Japanese custom of Jizo statues. Those are shrines for unborn children and help with the grieving process. I ended up ordering a small Jizo statue from Amazon just to have something to remember the baby by.

I heard from many places that first pregnancies often end in miscarriage. Of course this doesn't make it any easier but it does feel like your body hasn't betrayed you, it's simply doing its best and needs time to "learn" how to be pregnant. I got pregnant two years later, DD is 10 months and sleeping upstairs right now. Obviously other people see her as our first child but I still think of her as the younger sibling and know that I've loved two different babies in my heart.

Lots of hugs and just remember that everything will go fine the next time. My doctor told me this at the appointment where she discovered the MMC and I was annoyed at the time because it sounded like a platitude, but that line somehow stuck in my mind and things really did work out in the end.

Op so sorry for your loss. I previously mmc at 16 weeks so I understand what you're going through. Don't blame yourself unfortunately these terrible times happen to many of us. Keep your chin up and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. Don't hold your feelings in, speaking helps! Good luck on your journey x

I have been there & know exactly how you are feeling. I had a scan at 8 weeks and saw a heattbeat and then at 12 weeks was told baby had stopped growing just a few days after that scan.

I also really didn’t want to go through the miscarriage naturally and I booked in for a D&C but I had to wait 5 days until I could get it & in that time I started bleeding and ended up passing everything naturally the night before I was due in. Although it was horrible emotionally I honestly didn’t find it as bad as I thought it would be physically.

I really struggled for a good while after the MMC emotionally and believed I would never have a baby however I did get pregnant again after a few months and our rainbow baby is actually due tomorrow so keep thinking positive and good things will happen even though you might not feel like that now xx

Thank you for all your kind words and reassurance. I'm booked in for general anaesthetic on Monday, hoping nothing happens before. Today it has really hit home and I feel a thousand times worse than yesterday. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and all I can do is cry. I'm sure there's a light at the end of the tunnel but right now it feels painfully far away x

How awful for you.. im so sorry for your loss xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC in March. I had no idea anything was wrong until I got to my 12 week NHS scan. I was booked in for a D&C but ended up MC naturally before.

In the end, I didn't mind it happening naturally as it showed my body was processing what to do next. The blood loss did make me very anaemic though so spatone sachets were a godsend.

Make sure you take plenty of time. Don't rush back to work until you are ready.

I had a MMC last year, baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks but I didn’t find out until 12 weeks. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through but we came out the other side and I’m now 18 weeks pregnant.

I had a medically managed miscarriage with the pesarries, I think they are called ‘misoprostrol’ and stayed in hospital until I had fully miscarried.
Take your time to recover, it will be hard but you will get there.

I just wanted to update this post. The month after my mmc I fell pregnant and am currently sat up feeding dd1 who was born a week ago. I know I sought solace in similar stories, so if you're going through this right now then there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and your rainbow baby will come x

Congrats @emmalou19 I’m so fucking happy for you! Thankyou for coming back and updating. I always wonder what happened to the people in old posts.

I had a mmc and then surgical management on 27/07. We’ve fallen pregnant again, & I think in my head it’s just going to happen again. I’m taking it day by day though, & searching for that slither of optimism that has to be inside me somewhere, so I love hearing stories likes these.

I’m so, so sorry OP. I really hope you’re on the mend soon.

Please don’t worry that this is something you did - you didn’t cause your miscarriage. They just happen to some women. It’s absolutely not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you won’t go on to have a future healthy pregnancy.

Look after yourself while you heal

So sorry for not reading the update - that’s such lovely news! Congratulations!

@emmalou19 I'm so happy for you. Congratulations! Sending hugs to you and your darling baby girl.

This happened to me a long time ago now. Had mc at 12 weeks. Few months later fell pregnant again. He is now 19 and I have two other dc.

What a lovely update, so pleased for you OP