Feeling a bit lonely and very nauseous >_<

[PrinnyPree]

So I'm 7+2 and this is my first, I'm 37 years old and have a very supportive husband and I've told my Mum but she lives 100 miles away, but I guess I don't really have anyone to speak to about pregnancy and motherhood. So basically just gonna get it all out of my system here.

I'm at work and I feel like hell, getting more and more nauseous over the last couple of weeks but not puking (although I can see that in my future) snacking like crazy to stem the nausea so I've put on more weight than I should have at this point (was already a couple of pounds overweight and have put on another 4 since finding out)

So basically how do you guys manage at work and is it really bad to put on weight this quickly? My DH doesn't want to say anything publically till first scan which means I'm kind of covering up for my condition with a "lingering food poisoning" excuse for why I'm so green around the gills. Also I work in the video games industry so most of my friends and colleagues are men and my few female friends and colleagues (who are mostly younger than me) don't have children. I'm just kind of feeling a bit lost really, don't get me wrong I'm so glad I'm pregnant but right now it just feels very lonely and I really wasn't expecting to feel this poorly all day every day. Also I have friends and family who have been trying for years without success (My lovely SIL has had miscarriages in the double digits and my Nephew was born very premature and unfortunatley didn't make it) so feel bad complaining and dreading telling them, I know they will be so happy for me as they're lovely but can't imagine how difficult it will be for them and it will seem so unfair that it only took me 4 months of trying (although one month was a chemical) especially since I was never super maternal and only started feeling this way in my mid 30s.

Oh I guess another important point is that I suffer from depression and anxiety and have come off all medication on the run up to me trying to conceive, and although so far not so bad especially since my Father passed away 4 months ago I worry thats going to come into play as the days get shorter and I'm less able to exercise.

Anyway thats my stream of consciousness whinge... I guess it just feels nice to say it out loud (even virtually) hope you are all doing well. Xxx

Any advice or comments (even unrelated) very welcome, it'd just be nice to hear others thoughts and experiences. X

Sorry you’re feeling this bad. You need to go and speak to your doctor, both regarding the nausea and the mental health medication. If you feel as though you are being fobbed off, see someone else.

It’s very kind that you’re being so thoughtful regarding your SIL. Please consider carefully how and when you tell her. I feel that by text is generally better so she can feel happy for you and sad for herself in private, then be ready to congratulate you. But you know her best.

@BlueLadybird thankyou I'll speak to my Doctor next week if the sickness gets worse although I don't think my mental health is troubling me enough beyond fairly normal (for me) anxieties, just a bit lonely because I don't have anyone to talk about pregnancy with and don't really know whats "normal". I also worry about taking the piss at work with time off, I did take nearly 5 weeks off this year already with my mental health when my Dad was very sick before his death and I was struggling with travelling the 190 mile round trip to see him and the stress of work and ended up being signed off with stress.

As for my SIL the text is a good idea although I was probably going to tell my brother (who is slightly more resilient) and let them discuss it in private, I'd also love to offer to surrogate for her if my own pregnancy goes well but I have no idea if it will so not even going to float that idea until after my pregnancy and if I'm well enough to 100% be able. I wish I could offer her that now and that I am thinking about her, but it would be a million times worse for her if I waved that carrot and had to snatch it away. It is incredibly unfair.

Just wanted to add my two pennies worth that your DH may not want to tell anyone before the scan but he isn’t the one going through all of the above. It may feel unfair to go against his wishes but quite frankly it’s unfair that from day 1 of a positive test our lives change beyond belief and theirs don’t, until 8 months later (and even then, no where near as much as ours!!). So if you need to talk to a friend or a collegue about how you feel physically and mentally then imo it’s kind of your perogative and dh should (and probably would) be ok with that. A problem shared is a problem halved. I couldn’t have got through the past 8 weeks of nausea hell without telling quite a few people, but of course, everyone is different!
Also def agree with the text message, have had to do something similar and think it’s the kindest way.
Congratulations and good luck!!

I agree, I think you have every right to exercise the choice to tell trusted friends. You are the one going through pregnancy, not your other half. For 9 months, their lives don’t change at all yet we have 9 months of growing a human & all the difficulties that come with it! I’m not suggesting you tell the whole world but maybe a manager or colleague at work and a couple good friends!

My fist pregnancy, I told my family & manager at 8 weeks. This one, I’ve told everyone as needed. I’ve not hidden it at all and it’s been so much easier having people to talk too and understand why I’m acting oddly! Frankly, my other half has very little say in my choices during pregnancy, obviously, I value his opinion but I’m the one going through all the crap. And I love him to death, he just laughs at my head strong nature

Don’t dismiss nausea. It can be worse than actually being sick sometimes. I have Hyperemesis but the vomiting is largely controlled by meds. But the nausea is unrelenting & at times very overwhelming. it’s really hard to deal with. Take all the time you need to rest, sleep & feel sorry for yourself. There are meds that can help if that’s a route you wanted to consider. For most people, it gets better by 14 weeks so fingers crossed for you!

I told a lot of people in my first pregnancy, who were all then there for support when it went wrong with a MMC. Also meant people who were pregnant/had young babies were really sensitive around me for a little while and knew what not to say/do. Then in both of my subsequent pregnancies I’ve told a lot of people again, for support, particularly this one which has been physically hellish so far!!
And yes for me, the nausea has been awful and when i have been sick (although not many times) it’s been a relief and felt so good to get something out. So sickness isn’t always worse than nausea (but I have no experience of HG which sounds horrendous)

The sickness is awful at the start and I can relate to the sadness of losing your dad, mine passed recently and I have been like a lost soul after it. Really it’s when the funeral is over the reality sets in and that with a rough start In pregnancy is no joke. I used ginger sweets called gin gins from Holland and Barrett to help me out in work, I found them brilliant and I think they were not too bad in the calorie department for snacking as you just suck on one for a while! I had a day where I ran out and I noticed I felt a lot worse so they did help! Hopefully though the sickness will pass pretty soon for you, I was maybe 13 weeks when mine did but with the gin gins I managed it much better! Don’t feel bad about time off if you need it and the fact you had some with your dad dosent come into it as it’s unfortunate the timing but it is also out of your control. I had to do the same with mine and I don’t regret it one bit, it’s time you don’t get back. I’m sorry you also have to deal with a loss, in the nicest way possible it takes a lot of the excitement out of the pregnancy for you and kind of adds to the sadness that they are not there too. Things do get better though, and I think you need to be really kind to yourself during this time and not feel guilty about it. It’s very lonely when you haven’t shared the news with others too! But time does fly and you will have your scan in no time! Wishing you a sickness free pregnancy in the weeks to come❤️ And do try the gin gins!!!!😂😂😂

You tell who you want to, especially if you start to feel lonely.

I am 31+5 currently with my first and let me tell you, for me it's only gotten harder as the weeks have gone by. Your friends, if they don't have kids, can't relate so won't know to check in on you which only adds to the feelings of loneliness.

If you struggle with mental health then you need a really good support system around you to help you along on those days where you're just not doing too good.

If you feel ready to tell people, then do it, it's your body that will change over this time, not your partner's. I, wrongly, have always had the opinion that those with anxiety and depression have a certain amount of control over their situations. It's only since becoming pregnant that I have realised how totally wrong I have been. The change in hormones through the next seven months are a real challenge and their may be some days where you're an depressed and anxious wreck for no reason at all and you can't do anything to change it.

Get your support structure in place now, if I had admitted this to myself when I first started struggling (around 3 months) then I wouldn't have lead everyone to believe that I was smashing it to the point where they don't even ask if I'm okay. They just assume.