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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Wedding 5 weeks after due date

17 replies

singme · 07/10/2019 23:57

First baby so no idea what to expect.

A friends wedding we got a Save the Date for a few months ago.

It’s just over 2.5 hours drive away. They have a venue which they are providing transport to from local hotels (many of which will be booked up already). Venue doesn’t have accommodation. I’m not sure if you can drive to venue yourself but I would assume so.

So no room to retreat to, no prospect of evening only.

Baby will be maybe 5 weeks but potentially 3 weeks if I went 2 weeks post due date.

DP invited too.

I’m thinking it’s best just to contact friend (unfortunately he lives abroad so won’t be face to face) and politely decline invite?

I could chat to him about it but I think that puts pressure on them to say “it’s fine see how it goes” when actually they could invite a couple of extra guests instead / save money on our food??

Anyone with experience of this, can you advise? Would you try and go or just say no thank you?

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Original poster

singme · 08/10/2019 00:02

Actually just thought, I have no idea if baby even invited to wedding! Friend knows I’m pregnant but obvs sent congrats text only and not heard anything since.

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GeoffreyAndBungle · 08/10/2019 00:11

Might be best to decline now as you don't know when baby is going to arrive or how you are going to feel afterwards. Plus the lack of a room to retreat to would have been an issue for me.

At least that way your friend knows for sure you won't be there and can factor this into the plans.

INeedNewShoes · 08/10/2019 00:24

If you feel like you want to go, I would plan to go but I would make your own arrangements for accommodation and have your DP drive you to the venue so that you can leave whenever you need to (you may not be able to drive if you end up having a c section). Then play the day by ear.

You need to have a chat with the bride to suss out her feelings about having a baby at the wedding. If she's iffy about it, that's a game changer as I don't know many mums who were ready to be separated from their 1 month old baby.

If it's a wedding you're in all honesty not massively fussed about attending then I would decline the invitation.

It will be hard work going to a wedding with a newborn but perfectly possible if you really want to (assuming no notable complications for you and baby in those first few weeks).

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 08/10/2019 01:51

Similar situation apart from I’m a bridesmaid 4 weeks after I’m due. I’m pretty sure I won’t go over as it’s an ivf pregnancy and they don’t let you go over. Venue does have on site accommodation. I’m hoping it will all be fine and doable. The bride knows and still wants me to be bridesmaid

INeedNewShoes · 08/10/2019 02:02

Generally, if you want to make it work you will, and you will find other people very supportive (or I did!) when you have a newborn. The important thing is to know when you've had enough of an event and when it's time to head off. Anyone worthwhile will understand that with such a young baby you are going to have to put yourselves first.

I'm a musician and managed to do gigs from when DD was 6 weeks old, taking her with me and with the help of people around me to hold her while I was playing or just watch her in her pram if she was content. People were great at helping me carry the pram up and downstairs etc. and help me find a corner to set her up with her clobber.

One thing to bear in mind with taking newborns to events is that they need a break from their car seat every 20-30 minutes as it isn't safe for them to be in an infant car seat for longer stints (their airway is compromised as the infant carriers hold them in a scrunched up position). So you will need to factor some stops into your 2.5 hour journey. (Because we do a lot of long journeys I had a lie flat infant car seat to get around this issue.)

DaddysGirl36 · 08/10/2019 02:46

I did a family wedding with a 6 week old. We had a room & it was a lifesaver & not sure I'd have coped without it. Not sure how you plan to feed baby but I was BFing & this meant it had to he factored into the day, which is unpredictable. I also leaked more than I anticipated so that's where the room came in handy as I had to keep stripping off to feed to try & avoid ruining my outfit. If you have no room then you need to plan how you will feed & plan for that. I also found the disco too loud so we sat in the bar area most of the evening but that was okay as there was a photo booth etc so wedding guests milling about

Overall, it was a fab day but had it not been family & having a room then I may not have gone or certainly I'd have done daytime only

StealthPussy · 08/10/2019 03:21

I would say no thank you. There are too many variables a few weeks after birth.

Dalooah · 08/10/2019 03:36

Lol I'd say, if you want to go, go! It's probably the easiest time to take a baby to a wedding- sleeping most of the time etc. I took my two week old (post c-section) on a four hour flight to go to a cousins wedding- serious FOMO as my whole family would be going and I didn't want us to the be the only ones missing out. Was a miracle we got the passport on time- I took it as a sign we must go!

However, wedding wasn't an all-day thing, just an evening dinner and we did have access to a hotel room at the venue in case baby needed feeding ( was BFing and no where close to comfortable feeding in public at that point!). However, I fed LO, got to the venue and LO stayed asleep for the duration of dinner etc in the pushchair) Had been a busy day so LO was probably tired out. For an all day thing I'd make sure I'd have an "escape" strategy in place, in case you or baby need a time out- so you could leave an come back if needed- or plan to only go for part of the day?

Looking back, I must have been insane- postpartum madness? I don't think I'd be capable of doing that sort of mission now! If you think you'll be up to it, go for it and maybe re-evaluate once baby arrives?

Good luck and have fun!

LividLaughLove · 08/10/2019 06:02

Oh god decline now and save yourself all the worry. Don’t bother explaining too much, just day as it’s around your due date you won’t be able to attend and hope they can fit someone else in your place, kisses!

1ce1cebaby · 08/10/2019 06:17

I was in the same boat but I wasn’t breastfeeding so parents in law looked after the baby and I went to the wedding and had a great time. The baby was invited but as it wasn’t a family wedding I didn’t think it fair to the baby or other guests to bring them along. Thankfully all post labour bleeding and pain etc had passed too so I could enjoy myself. This was a wedding that I couldn’t miss as am so close to the bride - however we had a family wedding 4 weeks post due date; I wasn’t fussed on going so declined from the beginning so I didn’t end up cancelling and messing the bride and grooms plans and not put pressure on myself. I would say if in any doubt about going - decline now

Tippety · 08/10/2019 06:23

It's probably doable, I personally wouldn't have been able to sit in a car or on a coach for 2.5 hours without being in agony (plus they recommend newborns aren't in car seats for too long at a time if you have to drive). I was also still bleeding at that point and needed to go to the loo frequently. Would have been too tired to make an effort getting ready as well, but if it's a close friend and you really want to go then it wouldn't be impossible.

flissity · 08/10/2019 07:10

We have DH’s brothers wedding 3 days after due date 🤦🏻‍♀️ My last 2 DC were 10 days late. So this would solve the problem for us I guess!

SnuggyBuggy · 08/10/2019 07:18

I'd just decline. Mine was in the constantly breastfeeding stage and I was still feeling pretty rough at this point. A 2.5 hour journey would have felt enormous even if we didn't stick to that rule about car seats

horse4course · 08/10/2019 07:36

Big fat no from me.

Your baby could be two weeks late. You'll be getting through maternity pads like the princess and the pea. You'll have sore nethers and very little sleep for some time. Your baby will poop a lot and feed a lot.

You might manage to get there and get through it but you'll be on a different vibe to other guests. You'll just think about your baby, not the wedding and there will be lots of noisy/drunk people.

stucknoue · 08/10/2019 07:39

I took dd at 9 weeks and it was fine. Only an hour from home so drove up, fed discreetly in the church, was the star attraction at the reception, dd loved the cuddles (she hated being put down so my friends aunties all wanting to fuss over her gave me a break). We said our goodbyes when the band started around 8.30

Original poster

singme · 08/10/2019 08:50

Thanks all! I will have to talk to DP about it, groom is a good friend and I think it will be a fantastic wedding, but not sure I will enjoy it. We’ve got 2 more weddings four weeks later but both local and one is DP’s family so lots of help available. If this was local I’d definitely go but it’s the distance. I know DP will end up doing all the driving and I’ll be worrying about the baby and stopping a lot to get them out!

OP posts:

RealMermaid · 08/10/2019 10:03

I think it's worth talking to the bride and groom. At our wedding we had no on site accommodation for most guests but there was a lovely large bathroom with a baby change etc which parents could hide away in if they needed some space, plus we set aside a room as a quiet play/chill out area for little kids if it all got a bit much for them and had books, colouring in etc. So there were still places to escape, although the youngest baby we had was 4 months old.

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