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Original poster

Reassure me please (mat leave)

37 replies

LJS8987 · 07/10/2019 13:57

How long have people taken for mat leave?
I am by no means a high earner in the grand scheme of things but do earn almost double what dh earns.
I'm rubbish at saving (always have been!!) so have very little put away for when I am off work.
I get a decent maternity package compared to some but we won't be able to afford me being off longer than 7 months.
I feel guilty already that I will be going back to work so soon! Is this just hormones?
I would definitely rather go to work than get in loads of debt and not be able to do nice things as a family when I do go back due to having extra monthly outgoings!
It's so rubbish the system is based on DH being the main earner!

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TokenGinger · 07/10/2019 14:00

It isn't based on DH being the main earner. DH could take the parental leave and you go back if you'd prefer to keep your higher salary.

I finished in May and go back in April. I personally couldn't face the idea of going back in January (7 months) but many others do less. And maybe I feel that way because I know I'm not going back until April.

Is it really that difficult to save up during your 9 months of pregnancy to allow yourself that extra time off?

3rdtimelucky2019 · 07/10/2019 14:06

I leave work on 21st November and return 14th April 2020. I can't justify losing £450 per week for any longer than that - we've done everything we can to save during my pregnancy and by the time I finish, we have enough to cover all the outgoings during this time with very little else.

Nobody can give you the right or wrong answer on this one and unfortunately most people in real life have tried to make me feel bad for my choice. It's a choice between going back to work and not having enough money to keep a roof over our heads. The answers simple in my case.

3rdtimelucky2019 · 07/10/2019 14:08

£450 per week down after 6 weeks at 90% that should be...

KatnissMellark · 07/10/2019 14:30

You can afford what you can afford. Don't feel bad. It will be fine.

newmummy8789 · 07/10/2019 17:32

@TokenGinger
He works in the building trade there is no parental leave policy he would have to leave his job.

I only have a few weeks before I go off...it has been difficult to save- unfortunately life gets in the way and things have come up which have eaten into any spare cash

newmummy8789 · 07/10/2019 17:34

@3rdtimelucky2019
It's a big loss isn't it! Mine will be the same!
Luckily the organisation I work for are family friendly so I'll be putting all the flexible working requests in to maximise my time with the baby when I do have to go to work

JassyRadlett · 07/10/2019 17:41

I took 6 months with DS1 and around 7/8 months with DS2 - I'm our main earner as well.

DH took shared parental leave with both, and went back to work when they were both around 1. Best thing we ever did, mostly for the kids but also for the equality of our relationship and parenting.

Shared parental leave is a statutory entitlement for those with the qualifying service. Not useful if your other half is eg self employed.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:43

I earn 3x DH and could only take 20 weeks leave as that was all we could afford (12 of those weeks was only 1/2 pay and didn't get any leave at full pay only 90%)

coffeeforone · 07/10/2019 17:49

I took less than 6 months off both times before going back full time. It was fine. We earn about the same so didn't really matter which of us was on leave. DH did plan to take some shared parental leave when I returned to work after DS2 but he was made redundant so securing a new job ASAP became a priority. As PP say, life gets in the way and financial security is more important than a couple of months with a baby who won't remember.

Yoohoo16 · 07/10/2019 17:55

My dd is 16 months now but I returned to work when she was 13 weeks old.
I have zero regrets, I haven’t ‘missed out’ as I was told I would Hmm and it helps to keep a roof over her head and food in her tummy.
It also helped with my mental health when I was struggling. It gave me some normality.

Yoohoo16 · 07/10/2019 18:00

token For some people it really is that difficult to save enough, whilst still having to pay bills.

Whatstodo2019 · 07/10/2019 18:04

I'm on mat leave at the minute with a 4 month old. He's eating food, he sleeps through the night (9 til 7) and is so content. I feel like he doesn't need me to to be at home and if I could go back to work tomorrow it would be good for my mental health.
I was also the same with my first child and couldn't wait to get back to work.

Newmumatlast · 07/10/2019 18:06

I'm self employed and the higher earner so I'm only taking 4 months myself then husband is taking over. I do feel a bit sad as the first month will include time waiting for baby to arrive but needs must. I figure I would rather we be 100% secure financially and perhaps be able to go back on a 4 day week and take time off when baby is at school for important events and things rather than use up every scrap of money now when baby wont remember. It's probably more about me than baby that makes me feel guilty about not having more time

TokenGinger · 07/10/2019 18:09

@Yoohoo16 I was asking because she said she's rubbish at saving. That suggests there's money to save. If she said there just isn't the money to save each month, I wouldn't have asked the question. I understand not all of us have money to save.

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 07/10/2019 18:10

I went back to work when he was 6 months. Had to financially but to be honest I think it saved my mental health. DS was well cared for and although he wasn't sleeping etc at least I had a mental and physical break at work. Would do the same again. Whatever works for you , works for you

Mintypea5 · 07/10/2019 18:12

I only took 6 months with DS1 but because he was late ended up back at work when he was 5 months. He's totally fine! He loved his nursery and now at 7 we still have an amazing bond

Queenofpi · 07/10/2019 18:14

I went back briefly at 4 months, had the summer break and then back properly at 6 months. No regrets. Best thing for my mental health. Baby is very happy at a lovely childminder and my husband has one day off a week with her. I'm full time.

newmummy8789 · 07/10/2019 18:24

Glad it's not all bad!!
We did have some savings however (typically) we've had to use these as our car is on its last legs and we needed to put a deposit down for a new one!

I feel better hearing I'm not the only one! I felt that everyone was taking a year!!

Being back at work but being financially secure and not being up to our eyes in debt is more important and it'll mean we can do more with the time we all get off together Smile

LondonKate · 07/10/2019 19:37

Would shared parental leave work for your family? If you went back to work and your partner took leave after seven months there might be several short and long term advantages. Your family income would be higher, your baby would be looked after be a parent, you could transition back to work without also having to transition to childcare at the same time. There is also the huge long-term shared experiences - you and your partner would both experience being primary caregiver to your new child and that may help set up your family as a more equal place.

paperplant · 07/10/2019 21:32

A vote for shared parental leave.
I also earn more than DH. For my first pregnancy, I took about 5.5 months mat leave and a bit of holiday, so six months off. He took the remaining 7.5 months as shared parental leave.

LeahSMS · 07/10/2019 22:04

You can do 10 keeping in touch days throughout maternity you do get paid for them if you do two a month your last 5 months you’ll get paid for two whole days

newmummy8789 · 07/10/2019 22:26

@LeahSMS I have a salary sacrifice car so taking kit days will impact on my pay and I'll end up with a lower wage 🙄 I am going to ask if I can do 5 and have the time back so I have more holidays later in the year

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 07/10/2019 22:31

I'm due to start mat leave next month, DS will be 9 months ish when I go back to work, we have no money to save and things will be very tight while I'm off. That's the reality of having children for a lot of people. I'm trying not to be upset etc because at the end of the day there's nothing I can do about it. Your wee one will be fine, plenty of kids go into childcare younger than 7 months it'll be hard but they'll be fine.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 07/10/2019 22:32

Oh and I agree it is set up as DH being the higher earner. DH works in a rubbish industry so has had to change jobs twice during my pregnancy meaning we don't qualify for shared parental leave.

Starlight84 · 07/10/2019 23:31

I will be a single mum to three come Jan and I’m failing to see how I will be able to do it once I drop to the £148 or whatever a week! That won’t even cover my monthly rent! I’m pinning all hopes on a fast recovery and my dad to help me with child care while I return to work. I don’t want to do it and I’m hoping I won’t have to go back so soon but my bills will need paying at the end of the day. I’m trying not to think about it tbh 🙈 xx

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