Hi everyone, I'd be really thankful if anyone could share their experiences/views on this. I'm confused and don't know what to do, so any insight would be great. I'll try and keep it as short as possible without needing to drip-feed later!
A few days I found out I was pregnant (planned, I'm about 5 weeks). I had my first child in January but it wasn't a smooth birth. I struggled labouring at home for 20 hours, was talked out of the pain relief I wanted when I arrived into hospital (eventually got it several hours later), had a really negative experience with a midwife who made me feel like a useless piece of shit, then needed an emcs anyway because DD had got stuck (brow presentation- no wonder she wasn't moving when I was pushing as hard as I could!) Afterwards, unfortunately, we both needed to be kept in for 4 days due to us both having an infection, DD having jaundice so needing light therapy and she also needed coombs tests done/repeated.
I know a lot of people have worse hospital experiences, and I'm obviously so relieved that DD and I were both fine, but I can't seem to shake how the experience made me feel. I had a really negative experience with a HCA who refused to help me with my baby a few hours after my c section (she told me I needed to look after DD myself when I rang for help to lift her, and didn't help). She told me I wasn't feeding her enough, force fed her milk which she instantly vomited up, moved my belongings away from me after my DP had spent an hour getting DD fed, changed and settled, and making sure I was comfy in bed with everything to hand (my phone, biscuits, water) before he left to go home at 10pm (ward doesn't let men stay past this time). It felt like everything I did to try and make my stay easier, she hated and 'corrected' (like leaving one side of my bed up, so I had something to grab onto the first few days when getting in/out of bed as I found recovery and moving after surgery tough- she kept putting the side down which meant when DP wasn't there, it took me 20 minutes to wriggle down the bed to get up). She did none of these things when he was present, which makes me feel like it was a bit of a power play. I have honestly never felt as vulnerable and upset as I did those four days. I didn't have the confidence to tell her no/stop that. I also want to stress that I don't think I was an annoying/demanding patient. I was very quiet and only rang for help when I really needed it, probably 3 times over the 4 days. I was always very polite to everyone and tried to get on with things the best I could.
I honestly don't know what to do this time. Part of me wants an elective c section so it takes away the shit experience I had trying to give birth. The other part of me wants to chance another natural birth, pray everything goes incredibly smoothly, only so I'm out of the hospital as quick as physically possible. I've looked into booking private rooms, and these aren't available in the two hospitals close to me. I never thought I'd be terrified of hospitals, but here I am.
Does anyone have any recommendations? At my booking appointment I'm going to explain how I've been feeling and I'd be more than happy to go for counselling, etc, if it'll help me cope with how the last experience went. I just want to be excited about this baby, who is very much wanted, rather than breaking down in tears about if next time is going to be as bad, or worse, than the first time.