Mental health support group for pregnant women and women TTC

[Peaceandcalm]

I have wanted a child for so long but I never truly believed it would happen. Now my dream is on the verge of coming true (although I’m still in my first trimester so have a long way to go) and I find that I’ve never felt less happy. Don’t get me wrong, I long to have this child that is growing inside of me and am constantly praying for his/her wellbeing.

Unfortunately, along with the joy of knowing that I may possibly be a mother one day, I am facing a daily struggle with my mental health. In the past few weeks I have sunk into depression and that comes after weeks of chronic anxiety and OCD, much of which was triggered from fear of losing the child I carry, and other life issues.

I recognise that this is common for many women but even when seeking professional support, which I chose to do last week, it can feel isolating and lonely. So if you can relate to any of this, whether you are currently pregnant, recently pregnant or TTC, I want to create a forum where we can share our experiences and gain strength from each other.

Of course, this is not a substitute for professional services, but rather a supplement.

Hope this thread will become more visible in due course so it can reach its intended audience. It is an important subject and one that desperately needs exposure – as it is real!

Hi @Peaceandcalm

I have just found out I am pregnant with my third child (my first with my DP). My previous two pregnancies ended in premature deliveries. Fortunately, both of my DC are now fine and thriving, however the experience of DD1s birth at 28 weeks and the subsequent 9 weeks in NICU left me with PTSD. I also suffered with PND which I was predisposed to anyway, having had a history of depression. DD2 was born at 33 weeks 2 years later and, while she had a much shorter and far less traumatic stay in hospital, her birth triggered the previous trauma and the PND resurfaced. This time much worse. 8 months after she was born, my XH cheated on me and left me which further affected my mood.

Now, less than 3 years later I am pregnant with my third. I have been with my DP for just over 18 months. This pregnancy has happened earlier than we had expected. It wasn't entirely unplanned but my DP had previously had chemo and, as a result, he had a recent semen analysis done which showed 0% normal morphology and was told it was very unlikely he would be able to conceive naturally. Although we have been together a relatively short time, we both agree that this is it, the future it us two together. And news of his test results left us devastated and made us both realise just how much we wanted to have a baby together. We started trying and, shockingly, became pregnant in the first month!

I'd say it's still sinking in at this point, but I of course have anxieties about the risk of preterm labour. And mostly, I have fears of how I will feel after the birth as I fully expect PND to rear it's head again and I remember how it felt like it was yesterday.

I'm taking the highest dose of citalopram and I'm going to discuss with my GP staying on it throughout the pregnancy as I think the risk of not is just too high. I am also seeing a counsellor who I've been going to for the past year so I hope that will help throughout the pregnancy.

@allthesharks You have been through a lot so it’s quite understandable that your anxiety will peak now. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to manage the situation and to minimise the risk of the conditions you experienced reoccurring.

I was on 20mg Citalopram, but came off it shortly after making the decision to TTC. I was managing fairly well but since getting pregnant my anxiety resurfaced, then OCD and depression. I spoke to my doctor last week who has referred me to the Perinatal Mental Health Service. They have already written to me so I will follow up tomorrow.

I would prefer not to go back on medication (as I would worry that I would harm the baby – this is a real fear, rational or not) but I don’t see how I can stay off them much longer. Let me know what your doctor says about you staying on. Take care of yourself x

I hope it's ok to post here.
I'm 7 weeks with #3 (DHs #1) and planned though the pregnancy was I'm now seriously feeling I can't go through with it. I have a history of depression and anxiety. But I also have hyperemesis and I just cannot cope anymore. I feel like a failure. As a mother (I'm doing so little with my kids atm because I feel so ill), as a wife (I feel I hate him all the time when I know I dont) and an employee (I've been signed off).
I want to feel normal. Whereas in reality I just stay in bed. Being or feeling sick. I hate my life how it is. And the phrase "I wish I could just sleep for months" keeps rolling around my head. Like I just want to tap out.
I've never felt as low as I do now.

I hope it's ok to post here.
I'm 7 weeks with #3 (DHs #1) and planned though the pregnancy was I'm now seriously feeling I can't go through with it. I have a history of depression and anxiety. But I also have hyperemesis and I just cannot cope anymore. I feel like a failure. As a mother (I'm doing so little with my kids atm because I feel so ill), as a wife (I feel I hate him all the time when I know I dont) and an employee (I've been signed off).
I want to feel normal. Whereas in reality I just stay in bed. Being or feeling sick. I hate my life how it is. And the phrase "I wish I could just sleep for months" keeps rolling around my head. Like I just want to tap out.
I've never felt as low as I do now.

@Alice8688 I’m so sorry you are feeling so low. You are dealing with a very debilitating condition so there’s little wonder that you’re sick and tired. Anyone would be in the same situation. This does not make you a failure, anymore than if you had been diagnosed with cancer, TB or anything else that would drastically affect your health.

Have you spoken to your GP or midwife about how you are feeling? Also, what about your partner? You have a lot on your shoulders at the moment and you certainly need support. Don’t feel guilty for resting. I’m sure your children would want their mummy to get better.
Please do talk to someone about how you’re feeling as you should not try to manage this on your own.

I had my first midwifery appointment today and I was very open and honest about how I have been feeling. All the staff were supportive, and I left feeling better because I knew that I would be supported through this journey. I really want you to get that same support. Please let me know how you get on.

I am 8+1 with my second pregnancy.

My first pregnancy in May ended in a missed MC at 12 weeks. I was so excited the first time I found out I was pregnant but this time round I found out I was pregnant around the same time as finding out my mum was terminally ill with a live expectancy of less than a year. She couldn't cope with this information and had a complete psychotic breakdown.

I feel nothing but fear for the future and the fear of facing another MC and the death of my mother.

I work as a frontline police officer too and although I am office bound due to pregnancy now, I dont think I ever really got over attending a murder a year ago and was struggling at work ever since.

I'm trying to just take each day at a time. I am hoping my 12 week scan will allow me to feel excited if everything is OK and I'm trying to visit and be with my mum as often as possible as I know I have no control over whether I Miscarry or my mums cancer.

@Cazzy198 I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with at the moment. Have your work been able to offer you any counselling to try to process the murder which traumatised you?

I think you're right to focus on time with your Mum. As you say, you have little control over her diagnosis or your pregnancy, but you do have control over the time you spend with your Mum and the memories you can have together now.

As for me, although I do have a lot of insight and feel I'm getting all the right things in place, I'm scared. Not so much about another premature birth. Of course I want nothing more than a full term birth and to experience things the way they should be, without having to be separated from my baby. I do feel that if this baby is premature I know what I'm doing. I understand all the NICU machines. I know the process, I know how to care for a tiny baby in an incubator. And it's not to say its preferable, but I know that it's manageable. The biggest thing is that I feel I have processed a lot of the trauma from the previous experiences which, in itself, is a huge accomplishment. What I'm terrified of, is what will happen after the birth. When I had PND last time, I was suicidal, I couldn't cope day to day with having two children to look after and this time I will have 3 children to look after and, my eldest at least, will be more aware of what's going on. I don't want to damage my children. They've been through so much and they deserve nothing but happiness. They don't deserve a mother who can't cope with her life. I also have a fear that my mood will make my DP want to leave me. My XH leaving me when I was at my lowest point has left me feeling that it was my fault and I drove him to it. Logically, I know it's his failing and not mine, but there is part of me that will always wonder if I hadn't had PND, would the outcome have been different.