What would you do?

[Tatiebee97]

Okay so this is a long one....

Back in February me and my best friend slept together, unprotected like idiots.... I fell pregnant.

We have been friends for years, without judgment we use to sleep together when we was single. But we have never had an intention to get together.

So back to February he broke up with his ex gf and we slept together one night. We joked and said "wouldn't it be funny if I got pregnant" well the lord must of heard us.

I found out on the 23rd of February that I was pregnant. I panicked and told my mom. I got booked in to the doctors to confirm it. That following weekend I got the courage to tell him. So I told him to his face and and showed him the test. At this point he was still broken up with his ex gf. I asked him what I should do and he looked at me blankly and told me to abort it.
I got home spoke to my parents and they said if I wished to carry on with the pregnancy they would fully support me.

I asked him again a week later does he want to be involved and his response was " you still haven't aborted it". That night I found out he got back with his ex. So I left him to it. I told him I was going to carry on with the pregnancy. He told me to not tell anyone that it was his to not tell anyone who we was both friends with or any of his family and especially don't tell his ex gf. Again I just left him to it, I wasn't going to argue I was stupid enough to sleep with him I was stupid enough to not use protection so I'll just deal with the consequences.

Fast forward to April time I was out shopping with my friend and she introduced me in to my bf. We instantly clicked and got chatting everyday. I told him I was pregnant and he asked me if the dad was involved. I explained the whole situation to him and he full understood. About 2 months after going on a few dates and chatting every day he asked me out. We have been together ever since.

He came to the scans, midwife appointments and hospital appointments. Before anyone says I did ask baby dad first if he wanted to come to the scan and appointments but all he said was " I can't I'm busy" so I got on with things with my bf.

I'm due this month, baby dad has been split up with his ex now for about 2 months and in the last month he has decided that he wants to be involved. From the very start I always gave him the option to be there I always gave him first choice if he wanted to come to the appointments. He has now requested that he is there for the birth and that my bf cant even be at the hospital.... he has also decided I should break up with bf and get with him....

I'm just so confused on what to do? I'm not breaking up with my bf I know that for sure. I said I'd tell him when I'm in labour but my moms my birthing partner so my bf not even going to be in the room he's going to be waiting with my dad until baby is born then swap over with my mom.

Am I in the wrong for not really wanting baby dad to be there for the birth? And do I have a right to be angry that now at the end of the pregnancy he finally wants something to do with baby?

You do have a right to be annoyed at his sudden change of heart but he also has the right to be involved in his child's life. What he doesn't have the right to do is make demands regarding your currently relationship. He also doesn't have the right to be present at the birth, it's entirely your decision who's there and who isn't x

Birth isn't about being there for the baby. It's about being there for you. So whoever you need for that is the right person(s). If you want him there for the birth and he wants to be there, great! But I wouldn't give in to any of the demands you disagree with, not for the most vulnerable moments of your life.

You're allowed to be angry at him, but what would he have been doing that's for the baby during the pregnancy? Co-parenting only really starts once the baby arrives.

I would have your mum and bf there who sounds like a decent bloke and is willing to take on another man's baby. As for the dad let him see his child but I wouldn't have him at the hospital

He has no right to be at the birth or tell you who you should have!
He does however have a right to be in baby's life
I would tell him no! Have your mum or bf who sounds lovely and supportive there with you them
When you feel ok have your ex to visit baby and try come to some agreement!

It seems like he only wants to be involved when he’s not with his ex. I bet if he gets back with her again then you won’t see him for dust.

No he can’t dictate who is there at the birth or who you’re with. Of course you shouldn’t break up with your bf. This man is completely unreliable.

Give the baby your last name and go through the CMS for maintenance. Being ‘involved’ doesn’t mean him making unreasonable demands.

Well he doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Never mind a reliable partner.

Your BF sounds like a real keeper having stepped up at a time when he could’ve easily and understandably stepped back. I’m so happy you found someone you could rely on during pregnancy. What does he think to these demands?

The dad can come and see the baby when you’re settled back at home. You need people who can support YOU in labour. If he wants to be a part of the little one’s life now it’s got to be on your terms.

I have to absolutely agree with everything everyone else has said! He cannot just decide when it suits him nor can he dictate to you. It sounds like you have found a lovely man in your bf and have really supportive parents! Good luck with the birth! You will be absolutely fine with the people you already have around you. Don’t let the “dad” ruin this experience for you! Xx

Also agree with everyone - so-called "best friend" (baby dad) has no right to make those demands. It's your labour and your decision who you want to be there - I'm not sure I'd tell him I was in labour if you know he'll kick up a fuss...

He does and should have a right to be involved with the baby, but it's up to you (two) to decide how that looks.

As for being angry - I would definitely be pissed at him for being such a earlier, and I think it's your right to be angry at him, but also sit back and consider that it's probably best for the baby he's come to his senses now and wants to be involved now that you're about to give birth. (I'm not sure how 'public' you want to be about your situation, but maybe also check that he's told his family?)

You sound like you're in a good place though with supportive family & bf. Good luck!