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Original poster

My ex is making things difficult for me and insists on being at my labour

28 replies

amb38 · 05/10/2019 12:23

Hi, I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my first! Basically my ex is a complete joke, he's messed me around and stressed me out my entire pregnancy and hasn't taken into consideration I'm pregnant what so ever, in-fact he acts like he doesn't give a monkeys. His mum has also been a nightmare already, harassing me constantly with abuse! I am so stressed and run down because of it all I just want it to stop! I've told my ex I'm not comfortable with him being at my labour because of how he's treated me in my pregnancy. Now he's apparently taking me to court, I've never ever told him or his family he can't see his daughter, I want him to be involved in her life if he wants to be.

Do I have to allow him in the room when I'm giving birth or in labour?

OP posts:
Sowingbees · 05/10/2019 12:24

Let him throw his money away. Of course they can't force you to have him in the labor wars.

pinkyredrose · 05/10/2019 12:25

No you don't. Make sure the midwife knows he's not to be there, they'll use security if necessary. You don't have to have anyone there that you don't want. Don't tell him when you're in labour!

dementedpixie · 05/10/2019 12:25

Just dont tell him you've gone into labour. You cant be forced to have him there

PotteringAlong · 05/10/2019 12:28

No. It’s your medical procedure and yours alone until the baby is born so it’s nothing to do with him. Don’t tell him when you go into labour and tell the hospital he’s not allowed in.

123bananas · 05/10/2019 12:32

Keep a record of all messages from him and his family, if it gets too much you tell them to stop contacting you and if it persists speak to 101 as it is harassment.

He has no rights to be involved in the labour and delivery of the baby.

He only has parental rights if he is on the birth certificate and would have to go via the courts to get his name put on if you don't put it there.

A lot of hot air, you don't have to engage with this. Protect yourself.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2019 12:32

Even if you were married he couldn't be at the birth without your permission. As for him taking you to court, my bet is he's just trying to terrorise you.

If I were you, I would block him and his crazy mother. There is no reason you need to communicate with them.

redexpat · 05/10/2019 12:36

Screenshot the abuse. Write back to MIL saying you do not wish to be contacted by her in the future (put a read report on it) and then report to the police if she does.

Dont engage with x. At all. If he wants access he can start legal proceedings.

Open a case with the cms.

Rememberthat contact is for the benefit of the child not the parent.

Butterymuffin · 05/10/2019 12:37

As everyone else says. Plus get a separate phone for messages from him. Tell him you've changed your number, or change it for everyone else and keep your old number on just a Sim only phone so you can just switch it on every so often when you're ready.

HappyPunky · 05/10/2019 12:39

Don't tell him anything until you're ready to after baby has been born.

Also, baby should have your last name. Even if his is included don't leave yours out.

Baby should be with you as primary carer with regular contact with you there to begin with. He isn't in charge.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 05/10/2019 12:40

Tell your midwife. They (sadly) see this all the time and they will be able to help you.

Powerplant · 05/10/2019 12:43

It’s a nasty threat that bullies make he can’t take you to court

IncrediblySadToo · 05/10/2019 12:44

No. Tell him to crack on taking it to court, the fuck muppet won’t get past a lawyer with that shit.

Don’t even tell him when .you are in labour, it’s nit his pregnancy, it’s yours

When your DD is born, don’t let him bully you into taking her away from you until you’re ready either! Don’t feel bad for not wanting her to go away from you, it’s normal and needs to be respected.

Don’t let him bully you!

DelphiniumBlue · 05/10/2019 12:48

Birthing a baby is not a spectator sport. It will make labour much more difficult if you are tense and stressed by his presence.
You do not have to allow him to be present, he can take you to court and would be laughed out.
He's trying to get a rise out of you.
Do your best to ignore him, maybe get yourself a new phone/ SIM so you don't have to constantly see his unpleasantness. I suggest that rather than blocking, because blocking can be perceived as a an aggressive/ retaliatory act. But blocking can work too. Certainly block his mother, you don't have to be in contact with her. They are showing what they are really like, bet you're glad he's an ex.

Soubriquet · 05/10/2019 12:54

Like PP said

Don’t tell him you’re in labour

Inform the midwife that only x(if you choose to have someone)is allowed into the labour room. No one else

Keep a copy of all texts and messages

Let him waste his money and take you to court

Make sure you use YOUR surname on the birth certificate

Breast feed if you can

Dramaofallama · 05/10/2019 12:57

He is just trying to scare you OP and assert control over you. No court will allow him to be present at the birth without your say so, it is a medical procedure and treated with privacy and confidentiality.
Inform your midwife about this though, they will make sure procedures are in place if he tries to enter, also don't inform him when you are in labour.

Keep all messages he sends you, screenshot them to keep them safe.
His mother, don't respond to her - she has no say in this. Keep again all messages and block her. If she keeps harrassing and threatening you then contact the police and inform your midwife. They will take this seriously as you will be classed as a vulnerable adult (being pregnant) and will be aware that abuse rises when women are pregnant.

ThanosSavedMe · 05/10/2019 13:00

How will he know to be at the hospital if you don’t tell him you’re in labour?

mankyfourthtoe · 05/10/2019 13:10

Also don't tell him which hospital you've chosen. Or if you already have tell him you're looking a few more too

picknmixer · 05/10/2019 13:21

Say "That sounds a good idea. It looks like we have very different ideas about child rearing and I'll need CMS sorting before we make contact arrangements so we can get the ball rolling in court now"
That'll shut the twat up.

mankyfourthtoe · 05/10/2019 13:28

@picknmixer 😂

Soon2BeMumof3 · 05/10/2019 13:35

Good god, of course he has no right to be there. Let him make a fool of himself in court finding out the hard way. Block his calls and that of his hideous mother.

Honestly OP, if I was you I would be looking at moving far far away from them before the baby is born. They sound awful and will make your life hell.

Sagradafamiliar · 05/10/2019 13:50

Court isn't much of a threat if you're not against him having contact anyway. Just say 'good, I'm glad you're sorting that out- one less thing for me to deal with- I'll keep an eye out on my post for dates ect'.

Do not let him pressure you into agreeing to let him be present at the birth. Your comfort is paramount. He has no right to be there.

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 05/10/2019 13:58

Just ignore them and concentrate on yourself. If he was to waste his time going to court, I'm pretty sure he would still not be allowed at the labour if you don't want him there. Most hospitals, and birthing units only allow maximum 2 birthing partners, so if you can already have 2 chosen there will be no room for him, and some back up and support for you. Good luck xx

Tini17 · 05/10/2019 14:24

Have you posted about this before OP?

As PPs have said, talk to your midwife team about who you want and don’t there. Hospitals have security for a reason.

Court is nonsense - he can’t take you to court to be there at birth! No Court would entertain such an application.
The rest can be dealt with once baby is here.
Keep records of all contact and if his mother doesn’t step back, speak to the Police.

bluetue · 05/10/2019 16:22

He's throwing his weight around and chatting shit. Call his bluff and tell him to waste his money.

Make sure your midwife knows that you do not want him not his family anywhere near you when you are giving birth, under any circumstances.

Ihatesundays · 05/10/2019 16:27

I’d block his mother for starters. You don’t need to have any contact with them whilst you are pregnant at all. He has no rights over you. Access with the baby after it is born is a totally separate issue.
I’d screen shot and keep everything.

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