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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

1st Midwife appointment, do they mention any pevious STDs

49 replies

jadelouiselaird · 04/10/2019 22:01

Hi i have my first midwife appointment next week and my partner is coming along

About 8 years ago i had an STD(herpes), will the midwife bring it up without you mentioning it

My partner doesnt know and i dont want the midwife bringing it up in front of him

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PixieDustt · 05/10/2019 05:25

They ask about STD's they even ask if there is a chance you're related to your partner!
Sorry but that's so gross you haven't told a partner you have herpes. You could've given it to him now. You do realise herpes doesn't disappear don't you and can be fatal for your child?

Jamhandprints · 05/10/2019 05:40

@PixieDustt, Ive had 3 babies in the last 10 years and I've never been asked if I'm related to my partner! That is an unusual question, do you look alike or come from a community where that happens a lot?!

PixieDustt · 05/10/2019 05:47

@Jamhandprints that's what they ask in our area! Never knew it was a thing but my sister who is also pregnant and lives in a complete different county 3 hours away was asked the same thing.
No we definitely do not look alike 😂😂.
I think it may be a new thing they're introducing but I also wouldn't be surprised if it happened here tbh 🤢

TokenGinger · 05/10/2019 08:12

@PixieDustt @Jamhandprints They asked me too, despite me being white and DP being black They said it's something they have to ask and can't make assumptions due to the high number of communities who do marry cousins and the high number of birth defects as a result.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 05/10/2019 08:20

You're having unprotected sex with your partner and haven't told him you have herpes?! I think the midwife is the least of your problems tbh.

Yes they will ask.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 05/10/2019 09:12

Yes, it will come up.

You need to tell your partner.

Incidentally it isn’t usual (or necessary) for partners to come to the booking-in appointment.

RedWineAllMine · 05/10/2019 09:34

OP are you ok after reading all this? If you don't want to tell your partner, or if you're not ready to, at least tell the midwife. You could always say to your partner you haven't had it for 8 years, and haven't had a flare up since, so you didn't feel a need to tell him. I think he should know really, but it's up to you wether you tell him or not. You might not ever have another outbreak again, but on the other hand you just never know. At least if you inform him he will be aware, so no surprises there for him. I don't know how contagious it is as you haven't actually had a flare up since being with him.

mummytobe2020 · 05/10/2019 09:52

OP, I'm sorry everyone has been so bloody harsh to you. It's ridiculous how judgemental people are. People make mistakes, I'm sure the people calling you out so brutally aren't whiter than white themselves - no one is.

Now onto your question- yes the midwife asks you and they also ask you again at your first scan and actually even a few times after that. I was shocked how often they asked if I had ever had any STDs. Definitely at the midwife appointment and at the first scan appointment. I measured small at the 12 week scan, so I had to repeat it a week or so later and they asked me all the questions again. No one asked me since actually, so in total I was asked three times- which is probably due to the fact I had to repeat the 12 weeks scan.

My advice is to perhaps say that you remember something about an old boyfriend having possibly had herpes and you're not sure you ever actually it. So to be safe, say that perhaps they could treat you as if you have had it/ do have it, as you're not sure? Your other half will go nuts if he finds out you lied about having it and you do not need that kind of stress while pregnant. Good luck to you.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 05/10/2019 10:14

I’m sorry but this is genuinely terrible advice. The HCPs caring for OP need to know about the herpes diagnosis in order to ensure that it isn’t transmitted to her baby. It would be better for OP to go to booking-in alone and be honest with the midwife than to lie.

Lollypop10 · 05/10/2019 10:28

Hi op, I understand this is a stressful time but you really do need to tell the midwife. I have type 1 herpes simplex virus in the genital area. I’ve had it for around 10 years. There are 2 types of the herpes virus both cause problems of having a flare up during labour. The good news is it’s only if you contract the virus in the third trimester that’s when it poses the most danger to the baby during birth. That said you would need to be started on a course of antivirals at 36 weeks to prevent an outbreak. I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant and will start mine at 36 weeks. You are prone to further outbreaks in pregnancy.
Ideally you do need to tell your oh, I get it can be scary. I told my oh on the third date. He took it very well. Good luck to you but please tell the midwife. X

Passthecherrycoke · 05/10/2019 10:32

There is a lot of misinformation on here about herpes

OP unless you’re having or have recently had an episode of herpes you have no need to tell her if you’d prefer not to. If you do have an attack later you can always contact them and tell them.

And unless you are having episodes I see no reason to tell a partner. I know of people who have had one or two episodes in 20 years. Obviously if you are showing symptoms or get them more regularly that’s different but it’s not one size fits all

Passthecherrycoke · 05/10/2019 10:34

“Herpes isn’t a one off it’s for life.... educate yourself.”

As are cold sores: people who’ve had a cold sore don’t abstain from oral sex for life.

LittleAndOften · 05/10/2019 10:43

OP unless you’re having or have recently had an episode of herpes you have no need to tell her if you’d prefer not to

You're saying this when it could be FATAL to the baby?! I'm absolutely horrified you have written this!!

Passthecherrycoke · 05/10/2019 10:46

I don’t think you know much about herpes @Littleandoften

Queenbean · 05/10/2019 10:46

@littleandoften that’s not true, and is scaremongering. It can only be fatal if you have the first outbreak during pregnancy, with OP having had it for 8 years they baby will be ok

OP, they will ask you but you can tell her before your partner comes in and she won’t mention it in front of him

But you should tell him.

Rachelover60 · 05/10/2019 10:47

It will not be brought up in front of your dp. I presume you had treatment, end of.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/10/2019 11:02

It will not be brought up in front of your dp

They asked me about it in front of DP. They went though a full list of STDs and asked me if I’d ever had any of them

Passthecherrycoke · 05/10/2019 11:05

In my pregnancies I was given the green book to fill out while i waited and the only discussed what I’d said “yes” to

JJSS123 · 05/10/2019 11:13

“Herpes isn’t a one off it’s for life.... educate yourself.”

As are cold sores: people who’ve had a cold sore don’t abstain from oral sex for life.

I have herpes. I’ve also just had a baby. It’s very immature she hasn’t researched her condition and educated herself. That’s my point. Thank you.

asmv · 05/10/2019 13:07

I had my booking appt yesterday and was asked. You should tell him as its in your blood and he could be at risk of getting it too, its really not a big deal x

CrystalShark · 05/10/2019 13:21

Yes, they ask. They assume (fairly, I think!) that if you’re happy enough for your partner to come into a medical appointment with you you’re happy to discuss medical issues in front of them.

Most men don’t attend the booking appointment though, is there a reason you want your partner with you?

Ive had 3 babies in the last 10 years and I've never been asked if I'm related to my partner! That is an unusual question, do you look alike or come from a community where that happens a lot?!

I was asked, even though I’m white and DH is Asian. Lots of people marry first or second cousins, some people may be receiving care for a pregnancy that has resulted from being raped by a relative. It’s surprising you weren’t asked tbf as it’s a standard part of the booking appointment, for the past few years at least.

Rotanicani · 05/10/2019 13:22

I was diagnosed with it when I first met dh a few decades ago. It was my only flare up. I was not asked in booking in appts (I’ve had 5). There is more than one type, one tends to recur in the lips, one on the genitals.

On a very practical note, if dp is there for this one and you can’t face it raise it at a later appt and it can be added to your notes. Deal with the rest another time, but it’s the most practical advice for now to ensure a safe delivery. Unless you have an active sore (which can be covered) all is fine, but it is best to discuss it before delivery.

mummytobe2020 · 05/10/2019 14:46

@Rotanicani very sensible advice. OP just tell the midwife at another appointment when he's not there- or call them and tell them on the phone.

Starlight84 · 05/10/2019 19:33

I was asked but the mw was very discreet. It was all on laptop and you just read the list and ticked if any were relevant to you. She handed me it and said can you just read through those and tick any that apply. My friend would never had known had I not told her. But I can’t vouch for all areas/hospitals/Centers. X

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