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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Herpes and c section

23 replies

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 17:16

Hi guys,

I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant. I have suffered with genital herpes for the past 6 years. I got in 2 weeks after sleep with my current partner. I hadn’t slept with anybody for years prior so I know he gave it to me. Anyways I must admit I sort of didn’t want to admit it was true and sort of pretended that I didn’t have it. When I fell pregnant with my first son I suffered some outbreaks but had them under control so wasn’t too worried, I went on and delivered vaginally. This pregnant has been different and I have had a lot of outbreaks. Because of the number of outbreaks I have spoke to my midwife and have decided I will have an c section. My partner will obviously be with my at the time of my c section. He still doesn’t know anything about the herpes. I have told the consultant I don’t want anything about herpes mentioned at the time of the op or afterwards. He said ok then but I’m still worried.nobody knows! Nobody! Should I mention again that I don’t want it mentioned? X

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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BlueChangeling · 03/10/2019 17:26

All you can do, bring it to the attention of the consultant and hope that nothing is said.

Without having an honest conversation with your partner you can't be sure who you contracted it from, herpes may lay dormant for years before you start showing symptoms.

I hope it all goes well for yo.

Countrylifeornot · 03/10/2019 17:27

How can you have had loads of flare ups without your long term partner knowing? Why have you never discussed this with him?

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 17:44

I’ve only had outbreaks since 30 weeks and to be honest Sex has not been the top of our agenda. I’ve not discussed it because I guess I was in denial about it and then over time I just try to forget about it and never had a problem with it.

OP posts:

KatnissMellark · 03/10/2019 17:51

Not really an answer to your question, but really you should tell your partner re the herpes. You're putting his health at risk by not doing so.

Also, is your username your actual name followed by your date of birth? Because if so that is pretty identifying given you're so concerned about keeping this a secret...

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 17:53

I’m not putting his health at risk because I know I caught it from him. I only slept with one person before him and it was years before so I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I was diagnosed with it after sleeping with him?
I came of here for advice not to be judged.

OP posts:

KatnissMellark · 03/10/2019 17:57

As has already been said upthread, it can lie dormant for years, so yes it could be a coincidence. If you're so sure he gave it you, what is the issue in him knowing? Honestly if my partner did this I'd be thinking of leaving them, it's a pretty serious disception in my view.

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 17:58

Because I’ve never spoke about it to anybody so it’s hard for me. Obviously you don’t have it so I don’t expect you to understand.

OP posts:

JoanieCash · 03/10/2019 17:59

What have you told your DP is reason for caesarean? It’s possible he might start asking if it’s really needed etc

kmammamalto · 03/10/2019 18:00

Thing is, it's not really something to be so embarrassed about. People catch things from people when they are intimate with them. Just as you catch a cold from someone who coughs over you on a bus. It's not dirty and it's not because you're promiscuous it's just something that happens. All this feeling around STIs is so damaging to people getting the help they need. Surely after 6 years you can talk to your partner about it?!
In practical terms though I'm sure if the doctors has said it won't be mentioned then they will try their best to ensure this.

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 18:00

I’ve had various problems throughout this pregnancy, baby’s growth, blood platelets. I also had a rough first labour so he knows I was anxious and scared about this one

OP posts:

JoanieCash · 03/10/2019 18:02

You’ll feel more relieved by revealing. You could say you had this weird rash not long after you got together, wasn’t sure what it was and it’s happened again recently, and midwives have diagnosed HSV. Need a caesarean for it. And then open the door to his history and if he’s had anything etc.

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 18:03

I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about but I’ve left it so long now that I can’t just come out with it. When I first was diagnosed I was young and embarrassed and felt like I was given a life sentence and try to block it out and then time just went on and on.

OP posts:

KatnissMellark · 03/10/2019 18:05

JoanieCash's idea is a really good one. And not far from the truth. You'll feel a lot better if you're not hiding this.

coffeeaddiction · 03/10/2019 18:06

@JoanieCash that is the best plan , I would follow that advice

SinkGirl · 03/10/2019 18:08

Please try not to worry about the baby contracting it.

If you had it before the pregnancy, you will pass on immunity to your baby through the pregnancy. The real risk is contracting it during pregnancy as then your baby doesn’t get the immunity.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-herpes/

They should be giving you antivirals to try to prevent further outbreaks as the last thing you want to be dealing with in late pregnancy is outbreaks.

Please don’t be ashamed - herpes has only very recently become this big shameful issue. Actually it was pharmaceutical companies manufacturing shame so that people would buy their drugs!
www.salon.com/2019/02/12/how-big-pharma-helped-create-the-herpes-stigma-to-sell-drugs/

You do need to talk to your partner however. Herpes can lay dormant in your system for years before the first outbreak. And you can pass it out when you don’t have an outbreak.

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 18:13

I’ve just left it so long it’s hard for me. I’ve never spoke about this with anybody not one person only my midwife.

OP posts:

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 18:19

How about if I saw when we first started sleeping with each other I got a rash went to the clinic and they said it looks like herpes. Now I’m pregnant it’s really playing on my mind and I’m anxious about it that’s why I would rather have a c section.

OP posts:

Crazycatperson · 03/10/2019 18:23

I think you definitely need to tell your partner as you're worried sick. Just tell him you have literally just found out and hadn't known. It probably was dormant for years etc etc. He may have given it to you and he has also hidden outbreaks, like you have, or it might have been someone before. Who knows?! You're having another child together, you're committed to each other, so you can't keep these kind of secrets! It will come out sooner than later so you need to control how that happens!

coffeeaddiction · 03/10/2019 18:24

Yep that makes sense too , think it's important you do tell him though .
I can imagine if he suddenly had a flare up off herpes then he would want to know where it has come from which may look suspicious if you had kept it from him for years .
I could be completely wrong but that's how my mind would work if I was him

Original poster

Courtney10891 · 03/10/2019 18:30

Ok I’m going to have the talk tonight. I’ll let you know how it goes x

OP posts:

GeePipe · 03/10/2019 18:44

Good luck op. Hopefully you feel better without that weight on your shoulders.

KatnissMellark · 03/10/2019 18:51

Good luck OP, hope it goes well

BlueChangeling · 03/10/2019 19:50

Good Luck OP

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