Is now good to have a baby?

[yellowroses1997]

I’m 22 y/o female (23 next June), been with my fiancé for 2 years, 3 next year and we have just moved into our first home. He is 32, in quite a good job and has just been promoted. I have just finished some temporary work however have multiple job offers and will be starting work in the next few weeks, before the end of October. We’re clear we do want kids, we said maybe we go travelling next year and then get settled into a new job and after that try for a child. I am quite concerned that I’m nearing 25, for people who will roll their eyes at that comment the reason that worries me is because my friend who is a doctor said I’d ‘become less fertile each year I age’ And my fiancé is over 30 which she has plenty to say about. The thought of being a mother makes me feel warm and I feel my purpose on this earth is to be a mother, yes I know it’ll have it’s tough times but it’ll be the most rewarding thing ever.

I’m currently off any contraception (due to my old pill making me slightly ill, it just didn’t react well with my body) and we’re being careful, using other methods.

My mother and all my aunts say there is never a good time to have a baby so I don’t know if al the thoughts in my head such as “you’ll get fired if you start a job and get pregnant”, “your mum won’t be happy” (which she has clearly stated)

I also want to be the first child to give my parents a grandchild which makes me feel like there is a clock on me as my fiancé’s parents already have a few grandkids and I want to give the first grandchild to one half of the family at least. I have good chances I mean my older brother does not want children whatsoever and my 2 other siblings are considerably younger and in primary school

I think my main question here is: is there ever a right time to have a baby?
Am I being unreasonable thinking now is a good time and should I wait?

Can I also suggest your doctor friends retrains because they're talking shit.

The right time to have a baby for me is :

• after you get a degree / career / travel / have fun being carefree

• after you make good money in a stable career with good maternity leave / have fun with colleagues/ travel for work etc

• after you buy a house

• after you get married

• after you've had some kind of therapy / counselling / psychological / spiritual understanding of yourself and why you tick the way you do

Which kind of puts the minimum age at: 27-28 if you think about it. Finish uni at 21, travel/ take time out to explore/ work until 22. Get stuck into a career for around 3 years from 22-25 ( at the least ). Take a couple of years to buy a house and get married (while still building your career ) which should put you at around 27-28 by the time you're ready, have experienced enough of life and are established to have a baby.

Even that is a ridiculous time table, but it's a general guideline of the things that should be in place ideally before having a baby. You want to be someone in your own right, before you have a baby. Although, I want to stress that if it happens, it happens and all mums are extraordinary. So my dumb timetable is just a guide- because you asked when is the right time- the right time for me is ideally once all those points have been completed, but that doesn't mean any other time is the wrong time. It's just a very traditional way of seeing things. I followed a similar path and it's worked out for me so far, but it's not everyone's path AT all and it doesn't make me better than anyone who got pregnant at age 20 and did things completely differently.

Also your doctor friend is completely full of it. Your fertility only seriously declines after age 35. My doctor friend told me the exact opposite ! She said it's all scaremongering and that you can conceive until late 30s without an issue usually.

If you have issues, you have issues now even- look at Meghan Markle- she got pregnant straight away at 37. If you're worried about fertility, get yourself and your partner checked out- that way you'll have a general idea of where you stand and whether you need to worry / plan for it to take longer than a year to TTC.

You sound quite immature

In relationship terms you’ve been together like 5 minutes! You sound incredibly immature and in no way ready to have a baby! You need to slow down big time!

I also was on contraception for 13 years, and am 31, we got pregnant the first month of 'trying'. I know the doctors say it gets harder the older you get but I really wouldn't think about it that way.