Sharing pregnancy news with friend going through secondary infertility

[Howwillicope]

Hi all, just after some advice on how you would deal with this situation?
I have a very good friend from college, although we don’t live near each other any more we talk a lot and meet up with our group of friends a few times a year.

We both have one DC, and I know that she’s been trying for a second for over two years. She’s very open with me about her wishes for another DC and how hard it is when her other friends are falling pregnant while she’s not.
I have recently found out I’m expecting no 2, and am about 8 weeks now. I want to tell her so it doesn’t feel like she’s been open with me while I’ve been hiding a secret from her, but I’m scared to do this and upset her!
I don’t know whether to wait for 12 week scan and tell her along with our other friends in a group message or message her now and let her know in advance. If anyone has been in this situation please could you advise which is the kindest thing to do? Many thanks

As someone in your friends position, honestly there’s no good way of delivering the message, but to not know would be worse.

I hate that I’ve become the one that people worry about how to tell. I think over the phone or text is an idea, only because I’ve had someone spring it on me when I wasn’t expecting it and I burst into tears 🙈
Having the news so I can digest it privately first is easier - I am genuinely so happy for my friends, I just need a minute to deal with it first!

And congratulations on your pregnancy x

Well, you are clearly more sensitive than one of my own siblings who dropped this on me without warning over the phone. I held it together during the call and congratulated her, but was in floods afterwards. And yes, she knew full well that this was a sensitive topic for me...

What would have been helpful for me would have been a text beforehand along the lines of 'I've got some family news to share', then at least my mind might have been thinking along those lines.

It’s difficult isn’t it. I have the same thoughts about telling a friend who has struggled for years with MCs. I know she’ll be happy for us but thinking over text will be better so that if she’s upset she doesn’t have to deal with that in person.

Sorry to hear of others in this situation. I really am hoping to do this in the least upsetting way for her so will do over message rather than face to face.

I would say definitely tell her separately and first so she knows your thinking of her feelings. I have been in that situation and that's what I would have liked most

I had a similar situation recently. One of our HCA had a 25 week still birth in Jan 19. I was dreading telling her.

She took it ok and was grateful that I was direct, private and gave her space to digest things. I didn't do it when she was at work and she was trapped.

Tell her by text. Write it sensitively.

Thanks all for the advice

I've recently told a friend who I know went through quite a complicated miscarriage. I didn't want to upset her but equally didn't want her to feel that she was the last to know. I sent a separate text message when I knew her husband would also be at home (he sometimes works away) so she wasn't alone. I think it went as well as it could - she later asked to see scan photos and we spoke but it meant she had time to react privately first. Good luck and congratulations!

I went through this when Ttc for 2.5 years with a few people but when my really good friend was upset telling me that upset me more because I was really happy for her. Tell her by phone then if she needs to cry after it she can but I'm sure she will be happy for you. Congratulations