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Original poster

Becoming a SAHM - what to say at work

20 replies

QueenOfThePumpkins · 29/09/2019 07:05

DH and I have always planned for me to become a SAHM (and by planned, that includes some serious financial planning over the last 5 years). I detest my job, and even if we decided later on that this was the wrong decision then I'd be looking for work somewhere new anyway. So I am 100% sure I will not be returning to my current employer once my twins are born. I know I'll miss out on a bit of maternity pay as I'll only claim statutory, but that will be fine.

I was going to be straight up with them from the beginning, but I've since heard that it's much more sensible to say you at least might go back. One of the reasons is that you continue to accrue holiday during maternity leave, which can then be paid when you do leave. One of the few good things about my employer is the very generous holiday package, so I would get a couple of grand out of this. But part of me also wants a clean break. Plus although I strongly dislike the organisation, I do really get along with my direct coworkers and would rather have a "proper" last day with them and allow them to prepare for my non-return. I don't want to lie to them.

There is also a restructure happening around the time that I plan to leave, so I might tell them that it is unlikely I will return after mat leave so I would be happy for them to make me redundant. If they don't make me redundant then I might just say I'll leave the job open but will probably not return.

Does that sound ok, or does anyone have any advice?

Sorry, bit long I know!

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SnuggyBuggy · 29/09/2019 07:08

I think it's always best not to burn your bridges before you have to in this situation. Is it likely that your Co workers would reveal your plans?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/09/2019 07:13

God no don’t tell them- get what you can. Just day you will have to see how you feel

Parker231 · 29/09/2019 07:14

Don’t say anything in advance of going on maternity leave.

pancaketits · 29/09/2019 07:15

Don't tell them yet!!

Saltystraw · 29/09/2019 07:18

If they want to make you redundant they will regardless. You will get a decent farewell because maternity leave is normally for a decent amount of time so I wouldn’t worry about that either. I would just say your going to take it as it comes if anyone asks.. you haven’t made any plans apart from having your twins come into the world.

whiteroseredrose · 29/09/2019 07:19

Definitely say nothing. There is a date by which you have to confirm that you are coming back so I'd wait until then.

Lots of people plan to go back to work then change their minds. It wouldn't look unusual.

ilovearcticroll · 29/09/2019 07:19

Don't tell them. I was also very sure I wouldn't go back and I didn't, bu I couldn't be totally sure until I had had the baby that it would be the right choice.

MutedUser · 29/09/2019 07:21

No don’t tell them yet go enjoy your maternity leave and only tell them when you have to give them notice. I was sure I as going to be a SAHM then circumstances changed 2 months before I was due to go back and I went back to work.

Chupchup · 29/09/2019 07:21

Don't say anything at all. Plus try and get a career break after mat leave too. You never know what might happen.

saraclara · 29/09/2019 07:34

Your baby isn't safely here yet. So no, you don't burn your bridges. Even if you're 100% sure you're going to stay home if everything goes to plan, you don't say so at this point.

stucknoue · 29/09/2019 07:50

Don't tell them yet! You never know what is around the corner and you might need that job as a stop gap at least. If they offer redundancy obviously take it but for now just go on maternity leave and keep any extra maternity pay above statutory in a separate account to pay back if you don't return. Once your paid (statutory) is finished you still have 3+ months unpaid leave entitlement but that's a good time to tell them

newmumwithquestions · 29/09/2019 07:56

Check out the details of your maternity package. Often it requires you to go back to work for a period after maternity leave.

Also don’t count on redundancy whilst on maternity leave. I know a couple of cases where women on maternity leave would have been at risk from redundancy and one where they would have definitely lost their job but didn’t (I don’t know the legalities of this but know that company policy dictated that they couldn’t be put on the at risk register.)

Overall I think I’d just leave as I don’t like dishonesty but if there is any chance that you could go back then leave your options open.

Finally, before you burn bridges does your employer offer part time/flexible working? If so then don’t leave until your maternity leave is over. When you go for a new job you’re in no position to negotiate- you can usually get better terms with an existing employer. If you’re not that bothered about the job you’re in an even better position to negotiate as you can lay what you want on the table and they can either go for it or you walk away. Once you have no job you’re competing with everyone else who has no children.

DreamingofSunshine · 29/09/2019 08:03

Don't say anything! Your circumstances might change or you might feel differently. At very least, surely you want to be paid for your annual leave portion of leave? It isn't lying, you genuinely have no idea what could happen and burning your bridges is a bad idea.

I'm speaking from experience, I quit my job whilst pg (not in UK and no entitlement to paid leave) thinking I'd be a SAHM. Being a SAHM didn't suit me and I wished I'd kept the option of my job.

AJPTaylor · 29/09/2019 08:06

Seriously. Give your head a wobble.
Act as if you are planning to return after 12 months. Always. Accrue the holiday and pension. If there is enhanced maternity, take it and stash it. When your twins are coming up to the year, make your decision then. No one there will care/ be surprised either way.
You do not know how you will feel in a years time, or indeed what the landscape looks like.

KellyHall · 29/09/2019 08:55

Keep it all to yourself!

However well you get on with people, regardless of what your plans may or may not be just please don't say anything to anyone at work about it.

You don't owe your employer anything, they're there to give you money and that's where it ends. I'm sure you'll see that more clearly when you're actually on maternity leave with your lovely babies!

ShutupWesley · 29/09/2019 09:38

Don't say a word! You can't predict what will happen, births do go wrong even in this day and age. Just keep your mouth shut and tell them after your mat leave when you hand in your notice.

Frizzy1986 · 29/09/2019 09:44

I don't want to go back to my job, but am anticipating getting a new one (can't afford to be a SAHM), but when anyone has said are you coming back, I've always said I assume so.
Like others say, don't burn bridges until you need to. There's a reason why there are set timescales for telling them your plans, to give them time to replace you if necessary etc, so just be vague and think of something to say that isn't a lie, it just avoids the question.

MonkeyLife · 29/09/2019 10:38

It can be difficult, but I wouldn't tell them just yet. I had a similar situation whereby 2 months into my mat leave, my partner got a new job and we had to relocate. I didn't like lying to my boss, although in fairness, I didn't really - just kept my options open by not telling them specific details until we absolutely had to tell them. I was due back at work in March and I told my boss in November as I still had to give 1 months notice. I wanted to do it in person, so once we'd relocated we made the final trip back for completion on sale of our house and I told them then.

It meant I got all my stat mat leave plus a couple grand in holiday pay. I had to do what I had to do....

Good luck!

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 10:43

You do not know how you will feel in a years time, or indeed what the landscape looks like.

Even if you don't have a shred of doubt right now, you can't predict the future, and leaving yourself options rather than backing yourself into a corner is always the better course of action.

ELM8 · 29/09/2019 10:45

Don't tell them. If they make you redundant and you are over 15 weeks they still have to pay you maternity pay.

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