First baby at 40 after pregnancy loss

[Catconfusion]

I just turned 40 in June and then found out I was pregnant a month later. I'm currently just under 12 weeks. Sadly I lost my first pregnancy at 39 in February conceived on my honeymoon at 12 weeks (baby 6) due to mmc with ERPC and then had a very early loss straight after. It's been a really traumatic year. I'm overjoyed to be pregnant again and luckily we've had 4 very positive early scans. My dating scan is on Friday so I'm a little scared about the screening tests but hopeful all is well.

I just wondered if there's anyone out there in a similar position. It feels like a double whammy in some respects: the worry of a first pregnancy at 40 and being pregnant after loss. I'm on some lovely other MN threads but thought it would be nice to start something more specific. Some of the normal concerns are amplified at this age: will there be something wrong with the baby, will there be time to have a second baby if we want one, will my body be able to do this so late. If you can relate please join me!

@catconfusion I'm on one of the other threads I had my first at 39 and am currently 41. So I'll be 41 1/2 if this pregnancy goes okay. Are you having a nipt test? I know loads of people who have had children in their late 30s early 40s who have had high risk from NHS due to their age (it's really not very accurate) and it's caused unnecessary anxiety.

The answer to your qs. I thought after my tfmr at 40 at 13 weeks it was game over for me. Baby had hydrops and later diagnosed as t21. I had another early loss and now I'm 15 weeks. Diagnostic tests are low risk so I'm just hoping all is okay at 20 week anomaly. So far so good and a very active baby seen at 10.5 weeks and 13 weeks. I'm aware that things go wrong, but I'm trying to be positive. There's every chance after so many posituve scans that your 12 week scan will be fine. Hopefully you can relax a bit then.

Hey @rubyroot great to see you here. We've decided to have the combined test in the first instance. We're fully prepared it may come out high risk. I've been really ill with hyperemesis and I've heard that can skew the results. We will have the NIPT if this is the case. In our area the NIPT is subsidised with a high risk result so we will save money. I guess I've not wanted to pay for the test before in case I miscarry anyway or the combined is low risk. My last scan at 11 weeks was very detailed and no abnormalities were seen. I know that doesn't guarantee anything but we're hopeful it's a good sign.

I thought it would be nice to start this thread as I've not spoken to many people in our age bracket. Especially first time Mums. I think it's hard knowing time is running out and we cannot afford for things to go wrong. I know younger mums are of course worried but there's an extra layer to it at our age.

I'm very sorry about your previous losses and it's great news you're so far in with such promising scans. It just goes to show things can work ok even after having such a traumatic experience. Xx

I had my last baby at 43 (after 6 miscarriages and 4 other live births). I had the NIPT and had quite a high-but not crazily high, result. My friend pregnant at the same time, had a very low result and her baby has Down's syndrome. Nevertheless I would probably have opted to have other tests if it had been more borderline. We already knew that I would terminate a pregnancy if we knew of any serious issue so it was relatively straightforward (as far as these things go). I'm so sorry for your losses.
For what it's worth I think lifestyle choices over the years must make a difference. Not just age. The thing is, you can't change your age, but I would suggest if you want anymore then you just stop using contraceptives altogether after you've had this one. Let nature take care of the timing. Good luck!

@AloneLonelyLoner I'm sorry for your losses too. Congratulations on your dear children. I guess its a worry that results will show low risk and we'll still have a problem. We may go for the NIPT as well if we're not sufficiently reassured. Our dating scan is Friday so it couldn't come soon enough.

Great advice regarding contraception. I'm not planning on using anything until we are ready to try again or make the call of just having one. I've been messed up by hormones too much in the past. I have mild pcos so wouldn't want to mess with things. This pregnancy has been tough already with the sickness. I've barely left the house for 6 weeks so I'm hoping we get some good news in the next couple of weeks! Xx

@Catconfusion I'm on one of the other threads with you. Totally understand the worries due to age. After 5 years of unexplained infertility trying for our first we finally got our first BFP last year but had an mmc followed by another loss 4 months later. Currently 19+4 with this one and due 3 weeks before my 40th birthday. My age and the 2 losses last year made me decide to have the Harmony this time around as risks are higher after 35 and I wanted to know. Thankfully that showed low risk for all 3 trisomies as did the combined test. As you know from the other thread I'm now anxious about what the 20w scan will show and that this one won't make it either. I think at late 30's and 40's we are aware of higher risks. Must try though to remind ourselves that we've had a number of positive scans and have to hope baby continues to be healthy. It's so hard though isn't it. I know that worry of this being our last chance to have a child/family. I really hope we all go full term and have a healthy baby to bring home.

@Catconfusion I'd try not to worry about ds too much. There's always going to be a story about someone getting low risk and that not being the case in the end. Your scan at 11bweeks sounds positive and there's quite a lot they can see on scans. The private consultant I saw said baby looked fantastic, nasal none was clear and nuchal translucency looked fine. She said baby was nothing like previous baby (she had actuallu seen it as performed the cvs on NHS) she pretty much promised me a low risk result! She was right! I'm sure it will be fine for you and I can see why you're going for triple first and then nipt as cheaper.
For me the nipt was essential given my experience last time. And the earlier I had it, the earlier I knew... The better.

@Catconfusion hi. I had a miscarriage last October at 39, but I’m now 37 weeks pregnant and being induced on Wednesday at 40 years of age.
This is my first, but I have been a nanny for 24 years. So the baby bit I’m good with, this whole being pregnant and giving birth I’m just winging it.

Hey @InDreamland good to see you here. It's just never-ending isn't it!? You're right though, the more positive scans the better. It seems to me there are often signs early on if there's something major wrong. Of course some people get shocks but it seems pretty rare. All we can do in hang on in there and hope for the best. I really hope we all get healthy happy babies too! xx

Thanks @rubyroot I had a feeling there must be pretty good signs on the scan if there's a major problem. Our sonographer had a good look at the heart and brain and said all looked normal so far so I'm sure its unlikely a major problem will develop in a couple of weeks.

I can completely understand why you went for the NIPT first. I would be the same. I think if we have another baby I will do the same as I will be older. It must have been such a relief to have a positive scan and such good odds. I'm feeling quite eager to get it over with now and very excited to see baby. I get about a week after a scan and start getting a bit anxious. Luckily the EAPU are seeing us again two weeks after the 12 week scan for one last scan before they discharge us. xx

Hey @Em39ma wow that's amazing news, how exciting. I hope all goes well on Wednesday. I know what you mean about winging it. Great you have the childcare experience. I was a teacher for 12 years so feel confident with 3 yr olds upwards. It's the baby/toddler phase I'll be winging it through. Let us know how you get on! xx

@Em39ma Sending huge luck and pain free thoughts for tomorrow, so excited for you meeting your baby in a matter of hours... there's no feeling like it! Xx

@Em39ma whoops just realised it's Tuesday tomorrow (baby brain at 6 weeks lol)

@Mystie don’t worry my brain is all over the place.
Last few bits to sort today, then we should hopefully be already for tomorrow, well as ready as you can be for these things.
I had low NIPT results, so didn’t go for the harmony.
Had dinner out last night with my NCT group which was nice.
Kind of felt like my last chance for awhile. Hoping for easy! Birth, but you never know and I can go to the next one too in couple of weeks time. I will just take her with me.