Partner with anxiety

[Maizie83]

Hi all,
I’m wondering if any pregnant women here have partners who are suffering from antenatal anxiety?

Mine is so excited about becoming a Dad, was desperate to start a family... and I know he’s going to be a brilliant Dad from seeing him with his nieces and nephews. It’s just that he is extremely tense and nervous all the time. Mostly about work and his ability to provide. He is self employed so he panics during a quiet spell and it sets off a vicious cycle. Thing is, we’re actually ok financially and there is no real need to panic. He’s just freaking out and it’s becoming hard to live with.

It’s manifest in stomach pains where he has to go to the GP now to get checked out. In the early stages of the pregnancy he was a bit over reliant on wine in the evenings to take the edge off. But he’s stopped now because he could see that it wasn’t helping.

I feel this must be normal for the more sensitive Dads-to-be out there and was wondering if any of you can relate? Despite the bravado on the outside, that many men are petrified?

I’m not sure what to do or how to help him. I’ve suggested meditation but I’ve obviously a lot on my plate being pregnant and it’s becoming a bit challenging. Any suggestions or support would be welcome.

How about doing NCT classes? He goes along too and will meet other Dads. Hopefully will reassure him about having a baby.

My anxiety reached a head when my partner was pregnant. I wanted to get sorted out so I could focus on being the best dad when baby came. I actually ended up ringing a country mental health service who gave me cbt.

They offer specific cbt sessions on different things like general, health, finance anxiety etc... It can be done online lover the phone or face to face. It really helped me and the best thing is if you're expecting a baby these services will prioritise him so he can learn how to manage anxiety better before the baby comes. I am in Oxfordshire and our service is called talking space but it's different in every county and you can self refer.

Best thing I ever did.

Thank you both, @dad2hen thanks for sharing your experience with me, it’s really helped and it’s some good advice. I will look into resources for us in our area.

@Maizie83

Yes!!

My partner wanted a family with me, was bringing it up quite a bit.

I got sick and the mini pill failed.

He stressed out like you wouldn’t believe. Crying, absolute despair. He just couldn’t cope.

He is now tired all the time, his stomach has gotten fatter (he’s having sympathetic pregnancy symptoms which I find hilarious).

He’s committed to being a father, but he hasn’t coped at all.

I spoke to a friend about it and she said that men often don’t cope when they find out.

It’s really hard for me because I’m tired or in pain and have to deal with his anxiety on top of this. Plus the financial implications of not being married and then having to take time off work.

An example of his anxiety tonight:

HIM: you’re angry at me

ME: I’m not angry with you

HIM: yes, you are - why do you get like this when I’m tired?!

ME: I’m really not angry with you, I understand you’re tired, it’s fine - I hope you get some rest when we get home

It really is exhausting.

I can understand it's really hard to live with someone with a mental health illness. Especially when you have your own stuff going on. It's also really hard for men emotionally when women get pregnant because men always want to be protective and helpful to their partner but there's literally nothing we can do to help it really is quite helpless but at same time being pregnant you have it so much worse so it's hard to complain about that.

I really would urge anyone's partner who has anxiety even if it's every now and then to seek some help because anxiety will never leave you but treatment teaches you how to cope. It's hard seeking help but worth it.