DP extremely negative about pregnancy

[flippinghorse]

I have two DCs from a previous relationship. I told my DP from the start of our relationship I didn't really want anymore kids as id only just had the chance to get my career going, am in the middle of renovating a house and have no money and two kids is already quite a handful! he was pretty devastated about it. We're only in our 20s so I said things could change, I had my two DCs so young And more kids was something we could talk about in the future.

We stopped talking about it and everything seemed fine. Then, by some wild miracle, and contraceptive failures, I ended up pregnant! I had a miscarriage and we were gutted. DP convinced me our sadness about the miscarriage meant we should try for one properly, and so we did and a little while later I got pregnant again! But when I showed DP the positive test result, he did not react well. He was angry I didn't want an abortion (what the f*ck!?) and 21 weeks into the pregnancy continues to be unsupportive, negative and it's getting me down. We've put off telling anyone because he's convinced me everyone else will be extremely negative about it. (Obviously this is getting extremely difficult as at 21 weeks I'm showing!) I wear baggy clothes all the time. He says people will say I've tried to trap him. He says his mum and dad will say he's too young (He'll be 25 by the time baby is born) he's told his brother who constantly says negative things about it.

He can't wait for the baby to be born so we can "leave it with his mum" it's embarrassing at scans and appointments because he just sits there with a miserable face (idk why he bothers coming with me)

He constantly goes on about how much he hates kids and has started coming home after my two DC's go to bed when once upon a time he loved spending time with them, or with us all as a family. It's shit. I talk to him about it everyday. I tell him if he doesn't want to be involved in our family then he should leave because it's just getting me down. He insists it's fine. I'm waiting for the baby to be born and guessing if he leaves it'll be then.

What the fuck do I do? I love him, things were great before the pregnancy. I just don't know what's happened.

Wow sorry that is LONG

Who's house are you living in?

How long have you bee together?

I'm sorry but your dp doesn't sound like a decent grown up man. Why on earth did he ask you to ttc to put you through this! At 21 weeks the world should know. You need to consider your future and what's best for you and your 3 children

I think you should tell him to leave or grow the fuck up. You have every right to tell the world about your pregnancy. It sounds like you’ll end up a single parent tbh, and you don’t need a man shaped child as well.

Sorry to hear that.
He sounds like a prize tool OP.

I think you've got to talk to him properly, maybe with a neutral third party if it helps, find out where you stand (though I think we can guess).

Then probably prepare to be doing this one your own. You've had your two kids alone already and are best off enjoying your pregnancy and next chapter without looking after a man child if the situation doesn't resolve.

Sorry, OP. You’re better off without him.

What a prick. I’m guessing the place is yours. Kick the cocklodger out. It’s not like he’s adding anything to your life.

That's a batshit reaction to TTC. Surely he knew that this would be the outcome?!

Sounds like a prize prick, think carefully about your future.

OP. This must be such a stressful and confusing time.

Sounds like you're going to have 4 children on your hands. Your 2 older kids, a newborn and manchild.

Have you told your own family at least? He can't stop you telling people. The only negativity you should get is towards his pathetic attitude. I wouldn't wait for him to leave, I would be helping him out the door. Sounds like you'll be doing it alone whether he sticks around or not

This is so horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

My partner was shocked about my pregnancy in the beginning. Even though prior to the conception we had talked about it “one day”.

During then and now (I’m about 23 weeks) he massively changed. He’s looking forward to being a dad, he wants to take paternity leave and look after the baby and he wants to go to my appointments.

He changed after the first scan. He started making more of an effort. He told his family before I told mine and his family are accepting.

I suspect his brother is influencing him.

I was prepared to walk away from my partner because if he couldn’t support me through this then there was no point to us remaining together.

If the whole point of people coupling up is to reproduce to continue the species - then why such a reaction? Why remain with someone who can’t cope when you need them to?