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Original poster

Anxious about telling DH’s side of family about pregnancy

9 replies

Woodlandwitch · 17/09/2019 19:02

I am pregnant with our second child.

We have told parents but won’t be telling siblings and friends for a little while hey as still early

I’m already feeling anxious about DH telling his brother due to the way his wife (our SIL) reacted the last time around

They have 3 children now (2 at the time) and she turned on me as soon as she found out.

I always wondered what it was that had upset her so much as she’s never said, but she’s blocked us both on all social media and is just civil for family occasions.

I’ve since heard that it was because her children were IVF and she felt jealous that I appeared to just get pregnant so easily. (She didn’t know I had previously been trying for 5 years).

She pretty much made pregnancy number 1 horrendous and did many awful things even after I gave birth. I was bombarded with daily essays sent to me by text with horrible stuff.

The limited contact with her over the last year has been a breath of fresh air and I’m hoping that DH telling his brother ain’t going to start things up again.

AIBU to be anxious over this?

OP posts:
fluffyjumper · 17/09/2019 19:14

If she starts just block her number, tbh I wouldn't bother telling them and just let them find out. My dsis is being very dismissive about my 2nd pregnancy. She wanted another (already has a dd who's 11) but her Dh has had the snip. I handed her the scan photos and she just put them down on the table without opening them. She has become very snappy at times with me over petty things and is telling my dd 6 that she will be left out when the baby comes.

I've taken a step back from her, she used to have my dd 2 mornings a week to take to school but I've put her into breakfast club now. Families can be spiteful but I try and look at it as thier problem/drama and not mine.

Newmumma83 · 17/09/2019 19:18

I get your anxiety, but just keep the distance ... get your husband to deal With them. She sounds like a very strange woman x big congratulations by the way x x

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2019 19:19

Why haven't you blocked her completely out of your life? She sounds unhinged. I would love my life as though she doesn't even exist.

marmiteandmarmalade · 17/09/2019 19:34

No need to tell them, they can find out on the grapevine. You share special news with those who love you and treat you well, you need support, not stress.

Jesskir89 · 17/09/2019 19:43

From someone who has spent 2.5 years trying (conceived on fertility tablets) and everyone around her getting pregnant I think she's being really unreasonable. It is difficult when you're ttc and having negative tests month and month but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy for people you care about. My SIL fell pregnant the first month she tried but I was still over the moon for her. Now we're both pregnant together

Bol87 · 17/09/2019 20:06

She sounds crazy! Block her number and step right back from her. I’d get your husband to tell his brother and leave it at that. Do not contact her, allow her to contact you & remain civil only at family events. You take the higher ground & do not allow her to spoil this pregnancy.

There is feeling a bit jealous or upset about someone conceiving and then there is that reaction. It’s not normal at all. It’s full on bullying.. not acceptable. Does your husband know his brothers wife treated you like this?! I hope he’s understanding of how you feel. He could even go as far as to say to his brother that it was unacceptable behaviour last time & made you very upset. Anything similar this time and there will be no contact at all.

It’s also not like they have no children of their own to add to the feelings of jealousy.. they’ve got 3!

Original poster
Woodlandwitch · 17/09/2019 20:12

That’s what I never understood before, as she had children.

DH is well aware of everything that she did and said and so is his brother.

DH confronted them on it and the brother made the SIL apologise.

It didn’t 100% stop her being funny with me but as I say we are on very limited contact now which mostly works.
Although I hate the build up to family events when she’s there.

More so now that I’ve found out as soon as she blocked DH and I on social media she befriended my DH’s ex just to rub salt in the wound

OP posts:
janey15 · 17/09/2019 20:44

It unfortunately has taken us more than 4 years and loads of fertility treatment to conceive this pregnancy and I must admit I struggled massively when others announced their pregnancies. I have sadly distanced myself from certain family members and friends because I couldn't cope with my daily life if constantly reminded of the fact that I may never have children. However, I have never behaved so horribly to anyone! I would always do my best to hide my feelings and escape a situation and would hate to think I had made anyone unhappy - they probably just think I'm weird!
Your SIL may feel sad if she thinks your children were conceived easily and I have heard people say this doesn't always go away when you finally have your own children, but she has absolutely no excuse to treat you this way! Maybe just tell them via text then keep your distance. If it's unavoidable call her out on it again just to get her to stop.

Bol87 · 17/09/2019 21:47

She sounds horrible - befriending your husbands ex is just full on stalker/insane! She’s purposely going out her way to make your life difficult and upsetting. That’s a really vicious and awful thing to do to anyone.

There is no excusing her behaviour what so ever. She sounds like a bit of pysco in all honesty! I feel for you having to deal with it in a family situation Sad

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