Not sure why I am writing this really but could do with a handhold....
I have just found out I am pregnant and I am panicking.
As background, dd1 was born with a severe condition and died at the start of the year aged 13 months. Very suddenly and unexpectedly. After lots of conversations with her drs and a geneticist last year we made the decision to ttc again using ivf and donor sperm and 9 months on the time felt right to start now. Dd1’s condition was never diagnosed despite extensive genetic testing on DH, dd and I. We will never know if her condition was inherited from us (1 in 4 chance of it happening again) or it being random (a “spark” and the chance being 1 in millions as it was so rare/ no other known cases in the world).
DH never wanted to do ivf and always wanted to ttc naturally. In the end we decided against this as I can’t bear the thought of bringing another child into the world and waiting for them to die.
Now I don’t know what to do. I have the ivf meds in the fridge and have been waiting for AF to start so I can start injecting. I really thought we were finally doing something positive to give ourselves hope for the future. I know this is my fault but we were VERY careful. First pregnancy was also unplanned so we must be the most fertile people on the planet.
Arg!! I feel a bit better having written that down.....now to decide whether to continue and hope for the best, or terminate just in case and start ivf in a couple of months...