Relationship issues during pregnancy

[Rainwaltz]

Just wanted to know if others had experienced the same issues whilst pregnant and had any advice. Been with partner for around 18 months and 27 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was planned and we were/are both happy about it.

The relationship has been quite fast but we both knew it was ‘right’ and we have always been very happy. We’ve had our ups and down like any relationship but no major dramas and we generally navigate the relationship quite well.

Since I’ve been pregnant we have argued constantly to the point I don’t know if the relationship is going to make it. At first I’ve put it down to hormones and I’ve not been feeling right in myself, also presuming it’s hormones, I feel quite down and anxious, I’ve asked for help from GP / midwife and I’m having some CBT to try and pick things back up.

We will argue about anything and everything, him being late home from work or having to work long hours. Whilst he understands I’m a bit more needy than before I accepted his job (I do the same job) before we planned this pregnancy but I’m angry and bitter every time he is late back and I’m on my own for nights on end for him to work.

There have been some financial changes and the normal pressures of having a baby but in comparison to lots of people I’d say we are comfortable.

I’ve become jealous needy and anxious - I initially just put it down to feeling insecure as pregnant but it’s really spiralling into trust issues.

I accept I’m giving him a hard time with things but I also feel a bit resentful that we decided family would become a priority and he seems to still be wrapped up in work for long periods of time.

I think he will be a good dad, with or without the relationship. Am I expecting too much from him? I’m fed up of feeling miserable, lonely and unhappy. I love him and I certainly don’t want anyone else. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable and hormonal or if I don’t want the relationship / home life I’ve ended up with.

It’s my first pregnancy and I have no idea how normal people feel. Everyone goes on about how great being pregnant is and quite frankly it’s not. I feel unattractive and uncomfortable, I miss my old lifestyle and feel stuck at work and home and I feel rubbish emotionally and physically most of the time. I’m really looking forward to my baby boy being here and I love him very much already. Just fed up of everything being so rubbish and now I feel like I have Relationship drama on the horizon as well.

I don’t want to end up on my own but I also don’t feel like others are experiencing the same in their relationships. It really worries me that things are only going to get worse when the baby arrives and I don’t know how to fix things.

I'm not sure I can offer much help, but didn't want to read and run.

Pregnancy is tough, yes some people find it wonderful, but for a lot of people it's relentless. I've had a good pregnancy in the whole scheme of things, but I feel tired, drained, ugly, not myself, uncomfortable etc and this is baby number 2 so I knew what was coming.

Me and dh have had several arguments throughout the duration so far (I'm 37 weeks) and when they are over I can tend to put them down to my hormones as I seem to let rip and then break down in tears.
Things have been much better in the past few weeks but it's still hard. You are both tired and trying your best to navigate through such an important event.

I think if you aren't sure what it is at the moment, then it's silly to end the relationship as it could be hormones.
Just be prepared to be tested when the baby arrives as it only gets harder. Some people have babies as they think it will save a relationship, but I think babies are more likely to destroy it as they push you to the extreme.
Make sure you keep communicating, but just try your best to keep a level head.

Firstly, people often talk about how wonderful pregnancy is, but for some of us it is utter shit. It's not unusual not to enjoy your pregnancy.

Secondly it's normal to have mood swings and anxiety during pregnancy, but only to a certain extent. It sounds like you're really struggling and it's worth speaking to your midwife or GP again to see if you can access additional help.

Did you speak to your partner about expectations with working hours? Did you agree beforehand that he would cut down his hours? Men can often feel under pressure to provide for their family or sometimes they simply don't realise that they are needed at home. It sounds like you need a calm talk about the work situation and see if you can both come to a compromise

Oh and I would try not to make any decisions just yet, you're going through a difficult time. Good luck, I hope you can make things work

Try not to keep thinking it’s all you and your hormones, yes your extra sensitive at the moment and will be for a while even after babies born but it takes 2 to work at a relationship. You need extra support while ur pregnant as ur not in control of your own emotions anymore
Literally I could kill someone one minute then the next cry and feel sorry for myself which is completely unlike me.

The best thing you can do is talk to him, nothing worse than bottling it up and festering
Maybe Try to make more time for each other... even if it’s just sitting down watching something at the same time or going for tea so you don’t need to cook/wash up

I think you need a good chat.. pregnancy is very different for the man. Nothing actually changes for them for 9 months, life goes on as normal. You do the same job, are his long hours normal & justified? Is it for more money or a promotion etc? Maybe he feels he wants to get cracking now before life changes big time.. is he unsupportive when at home? Or are you just fed up of pregnancy & resenting him not being?

It’s def something to try sort out before baby arrives or that resentment is only going to get worse. My partner is fantastic & as hands on as me but even I seriously resented him going off to work & leaving me with a baby that wouldn’t stop crying! I had days where I felt like it wasn’t fair he got to continue life and I was stuck at home with no one to talk too! But when I spoke to him, he said he felt gutted everyday to not be with us & see her make little developments like I got too.. it made me feel more reasonable!

His long hours are justified and expected. I know he’s not there longer than he has to be because I know what’s going on, I’m just protected somewhat from it because I’m pregnant and there isn’t the same expectation for me in my current state.
He is good when he’s at home, he will always make dinner or do jobs so I can rest if I need to, he has kept up our normal 50/50 share of stuff and takes over what I don’t wan to do if I feel crap. He will usually spend free time doing something nice with me and he is generally loving towards me. He is really excited about the baby, he’s on board with baby shopping and did the lion share of the work decorating the nursery and building furniture whilst I gave direction lol. He’s come to scans and appointments when he can.

I think allot of it is what bol87 describes, I miss my normal work and I resent being stuck at home ‘waiting’ or doing nothing because I don’t have the time/energy to be doing what I normally would.

I miss my old friends a lot, it’s hard with Shift work to keep up with people as much and I just haven’t had the energy to keep the social calendar I used to and that gets to me. None of my friends have had pregnancy/children so whilst they are supportive they don’t really get it. I’ve stared going to a pregnancy fitness class , not that I’m the slightest bit interested but embracing it to see if it helps me meet other pregnant people. Maybe I’m just fed up and need to moan.

We’ve had a long chat, he gets it and he wants to support me it’s just that sometimes he can’t be here. This is a particularly bad spell and it’s happened at a not so great time for me. Hopefully it will pass.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that finds pregnancy boring and has a difficult time of it.

Oh don’t worry, pregnancy is bleugh. I hated my last one & I’m hating this one. I’m genuinely so envious of those who sail through happily & love it all. My friends talk about missing their bumps, I was delighted mine was gone. I didn’t look back fondly on any of my last pregnancy & this one is going much the same way. For me, I get HG, I’ve not left the house bar going to hospital/doctors in 6 weeks, I’m lonely, exhausted, sick and I’m finding caring for my daughter impossibly hard. I honestly cannot wait for the next 27 weeks to be over.. but they will be. I look back at how blooming quickly the last two years with my little girl has gone, 9 months is the blink of an eye! But pregnancy time is slowwww.

It sounds like your partner is really supportive, keep talking to each other. It’s good you can talk I hope everything works out well!

I completely understand how you feel. I'm only 8 weeks but have been stuck at home with 'morning' sickness and feeling very fed up. My DH has been amazing at home - he does all the cooking and has taken on most of the house work which is not usually his strong point!
Unfortunately he is also working really long hours in his full time job and also a second job/business which keeps him out several nights a week and at the weekend.
I'm so fed up of mindlessly scrolling mumsnet, Facebook and Instagram, watching crap tv and reading that I could scream.
It sounds like your dh is very supportive. Will he be able to cut his hours back a bit after the baby is born?

It’s nice to know that it’s not just me so thanks :). He can’t cut his hours down but he will be able to be slightly less flexible and play the kids at home card a bit more. There will probably still be times he will be more absent than not but hopefully it won’t be as much. When I return to work and we have to juggle childcare arrangements they will have to be more accommodating for him.

I feel dreadful that I’m not enjoying pregnancy. Especially because he feels so excited about it all. Everyone seems worried it’s going to be a PND situation but I can’t wait for the baby to be here. Hopefully things will be better once they are.

I understand your frustration as I have just started maternity leave and started to feel the same about my partner being at work especially on nights but the reality is they can’t do anything until the baby is here. It sounds like you have a really supportive partner so focus on the good things he does.

Everyone says you should enjoy every second of pregnancy but that is a load of rubbish. It’s not always easy, it’s long and it has a big impact on your body and health. It’s normal not to enjoy it all. I found it really helpful to count down to the next appointment rather than the due date which seemed to keep me focused and really went out of my way to have quality time with dh when we were both off whether it was going for a walk, picnic or a full day out depending on energy levels. I would also recommend speaking to your midwife and telling her how your feeling as she may have suggestions for support