I don't think I want to be pregnant

[CupCupGoose]

I'm 17 weeks. 3rd baby. I don't know what to do. I wasn't too bad when I first found out and did get a bit excited but I've just got worse and worse and now I don't even want to think about being pregnant. I was supposed to have a midwife appointment today but I couldn't face going. This is the first time I've let myself admit it but I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want a baby. I couldn't go through with an abortion. I wish I could. I have HG, indigestion, heartburn, constipation, Constant blocked nose which is stopping me sleeping. I'm fed up of feeling ill all the time which isn't helping. Someone please help me I have no one to talk to. My husband wanted me to have an abortion so I feel like I cant tell him and everyone else is so excited so I can't tell them either.

You poor thing. I don't even know where to start other than to say: you won't be the only person to ever think this. And it doesn't make you a bad mum. Or unreasonable. I would hazard a guess that you are suffering from ante-natal depression (which is often undiagnosed and passed off as "hormones". It's very real. And nothing at all to be ashamed of)

I fell pg with DS in a terrible relationship and I actually booked a termination at 9weeks. I couldn't go through with it. But that didn't mean I "wanted him" then. I had HG and SPD. I didn't bond with my son til I was in labour. And even then I was high as a kite on G and A!

Im not saying it'll all "go away" when baby is born. And I'm certainly not dismissing your feelings my darling. I just want you to know that there's someone here that you can message completely guilt and judgement free. xx

Im sorry you've been through this too. I've been looking up adoption but I don't know if I could do that. Plus what would I tell everyone? No one would understand. I don't think I am depressed. I had post natal depression with my first and this feels different. I wish I could just go through with an abortion.

You've a lot on my love. Remember that if you see a doctor: they are the professionals and nothing you say will phase them. They will be able to help I'm sure of it. My PND felt entirely different to AND. But I know you'll know what's normal for you.

Please make a GP appt. If nothing else they'll talk you through every single thing. And it'll feel different to the midwife because I always felt the midwife was "for baby". And the GP will be all about you. And you need that right now. Xxx

Thank you for being so nice to me. I will have a think about going to the gp. I just don't know if I can admit to how I'm feeling in real life.

Bless you, I’m so sorry you feel like this. It’s normal to have extreme negative thoughts with HG. I’m pregnant with a much wanted baby but even I’ve considered ending the pregnancy or wished I didn’t have to wake up. HG is hell, it destroys your life (temporarily) & sucks the enjoyment out of everything. I’m not living, I’m surviving. I feel incredibly poorly 24 hours a day unless I’m asleep.

Is it the pain & illness that’s making you not want this pregnancy? Or is it the baby itself at the end? Because that’s two quite different things..

Sending love, I hope you can find some support either way 🧡

❤️ please don't feel alone xx. We are here to lead our own lives, not the lives we think others want us to lead. You're carrying around alot of emotion. Please go and see your Dr, they will be able to talk you through your options. Struggling on with all of these thoughts in your head isn't doing you any good. Getting them out WILL help you. Promise ❤️

Bless you darl. Like the other ladies have said: you aren't alone.

Let us know when you need to talk/vent. And do try the GP. Let us know how you get on. 💕 xxxx

@CupCupgoose, I'm sorry to read this. I too am having issues with not being excited about being pregnant. The only advise i am capable of giving you is, you do whatever you feel is comfortable for you. it definitely does sound like you may have some sort of overload of emotions or a degree of depression (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). Speak with your gp, they are trained professionals and can help you whatever you decide. It's not an easy journey this whole pregnancy path, sometimes it's being made to sound so easy with the promise that 'everything will be worth it once you see your baby's heartbeat or hold the baby in your arms' etc. Be well my dear and just know you are not alone in this.